Cornell’s worst week has officially begun: Sorority Recruitment. And via recruitment material obtained by IvyGate, we know what potential new members witness inside the sorority walls. It’s all about the veneer of “class,” and is about as sincere as Tiger Woods’s promises of exclusivity. Girls are passive-aggressively told to avoid clothes that make them look “bigger,” and to keep their nails and makeup precisely in line with everyone else’s. Just because it’s exactly what you’d expect doesn’t mean it isn’t fun.

As their frat-boy-hopeful counterparts are having the best week of freshman year, the sorostitutes-to-be get shunted between houses for a much more sober(ing) rush experience. Cornell becomes a winter wonderland of fruity drinks, contrived conversations about favorite Sex and the City characters (still!), and a fight for the best — read, skinniest and blondest — pledge class possible. Oh, and there’s screaming. LOTS of screaming.

But how do the upperclassman manage to lure the unknowing young ones into their sisterly lairs? Well, by putting their best foot… er, heels… forward, of course!

So, if you’re a Cornell freshman planning to get a bid to any house, you’d better take this bit of pre-rush shopping advice that one Recruitment Chair sent in an email to her chapter: “Since we all know that dear old Ithaca can be lacking in apparel supplies, try to make sure you have everything covered before you come back!” Covered is the last thing they’ll be — these girls’ breasteses are more used to face time at Sigma Phi on Saturdays at one a.m. than the inside of a bra.

But before you froshies rush (see what we did there?!) to the stores, here are a few more tips courtesy of a few anonymous sisters in three Cornell Panhellenic Chapters who kindly lent us their Recruitment Approved Style Guides. Now you’ll totes be able to get into Kappa Kappa Gamma (!) or, you know, just laugh hysterically at the fact that Ivy League students are given guides for how to get dressed in the morning.

AVOID SLUTTY

“Remember you are trying to impress GIRLS not BOYS, so being a sexed up vamp is really quite unnecessary.”

DON’T LOOK FAT

“Horizontal stripes & large cable knits make EVERYONE look bigger, so be careful”

GET YOUR HAIR DID

“Hair should be worn down or halfway up each day. Make sure hair is clean, brushed, and looks nice.”

More fun and fabulous fashion after the jump!

GET YOUR NAILS DID, TOO — NORMAL COLORS, FREAK

“Nails must be painted a light shade of pink or clear for every round. Please take the time to make sure they look nice, aren’t chipped, etc.”

YOUR FACE IS UGLY, USE MAKEUP

“Full makeup should be worn each day. Minimum requirements include mascara and lip gloss, plus whatever else is recommended for you.”

DEFINE YOUR DRESS TYPE

“A day dress is NOT the same as a summer dress or a cocktail dress.”

IF YOUR SHOE DOESN’T HAVE A SEXY HEEL, DON’T WEAR IT

“No strappy shoes, no sandals, no UGGS or outdoor/winter shoes, no platform or chunky heels are acceptable for ANY round!”

SERIOUSLY, WE WEREN’T JOKING, ONLY HOTTT HEELS

“They’re about 3-4 inches off the ground and make your legs look longer and skinnier, plus we’re only walking about 2 feet every 5 minutes so YOU CAN DO IT.”

“Note: Heels should never have been introduced to a frat party of a walk of shame”

YOU’RE ACTUALLY VYING TO LIVE IN THE 1950s

“Skirts and dresses must reach past your finger tips when your hands are at your side. AKA: Not too short! Pants must pass the ‘sit test.’”

AGAIN, DON’T BE A SLUT

“Keep in mind that potential new members don’t want to see your boobs or butt cheeks so please tuck them away during recruitment week!”

HEELS!

“Note to the tall: High heels strongly recommended for people under 5’7’’. Over 5’7’’ flats are ok (but if you want to wear heels, go for it!).”