African-American Ivy Grad Finishes First Year in Thankless, Underpaid Job
411 speeches, 42 press conferences, 158 interviews, zero healthcare bills, one Kanye diss and a pwn’d housefly later, Barack Hussein Obama (Columbia ’83, HLS ’91) has today completed his freshman year in the school of hardest knocks: the American Presidency. Unlike his alma mater, running the free world doesn’t come with the benefits of gold-star-for-effort grade inflation. Obviously not grading on a curve, CNN awarded him a “B,” Fox, a “D+,” ABC a “B,” MSNBC, a surprising “F, maybe F-” for his efforts. In other words, Obama is academically tied with the sweatpants contingent. Suffering from the worst end-of-first-year popularity ratings ever, the unlikely Hawaiian Cantab seems to have angered quite a few of his white, tea-bagging employers.
As fellow African-American Larry Wilmore put it:
Well, we’ve come to the end of the first year for President Obama, and if there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s this: Negroes aren’t magic.
Or as a confused and condescending Yale Daily News op-ed pontificated:
The belief we had in Obama was, ironically, a belief in the elite.
Despite his own cheery self-assessment–”A good, solid B-plus”–an end of year bonus wasn’t quite in the cards. His one-year anniversary present: the supermajority-busting election of non-Ivy grad and nudie model Scott Brown to the US Senate.
That said, his wife is still good looking, his children, preppy and adorable, and his dog, manageably small. He has a summer home in Martha’s Vineyard, enjoys an afternoon Bud Light, and is failing to live up to expectations: a quintessential Harvard man if we ever saw one.
