God Hates Yale: Street-fighting evangelist terrorizes/amuses Elis

image001“Turn or burn,” you sodomizing, Obama-worshipping, drug-addled Yale students!

So warns Jesse Morrell, the 25-year old mini-preacher who has descended on the fair streets of New Haven, spitting fire and brimstone, and railing against good old-fashioned Ivy League debauchery. For the past few days, Yale—famed for its freshman-girl objectification skillz, abortion art projects, naked parties, and special fondness for gay sex—has played a sassy host to the madman, decked out in a sandwich board and asking passersby to friend him on Facebook.

Asked if he has a day job, Morrell responds:

Jesus sends me money through PayPal.

Regarding his sexuality:

I love a man whose blood isn’t HIV-positive: Jesus!

Regarding Yale’s classy young ladies:

Why would you open a brothel in New Haven when the sorority girls are giving it away for free?!

Can you believe this guy’s a virgin?? Also, FYI, he claims to have forgone masturbation since his rebirth into Christianity. That explains a lot. Video, pics and homoeroticism after the jump.

Editor’s Note: This post was originally published under the wrong name. The snarky prose is actually that of Alex Klein, a new contributor, not Adam Clark Estes, a handsome fellow.

Yale students apparently love hearing about their own moral bankruptcy. Smart-alecks are showing up in the hundreds to laugh at and heckle the diminutive holy man, and he’s loving it. (Is attention-whoring a sin?) Morrell fires back with stories of his own rough upbringing on the mean streets of Cheshire, Conn., “8 mile”-style.

During his Thursday sermon, he claimed that before his salvation, he had won over 20 street-fights, partaken in and sold a boatload of drugs, made multiple trips to the slammer, and received near-daily fellatio. Oh, and he says this all happened before the age of 16. I wish my middle-school years had been that interesting.

All in all, it seems that Morrell’s visits are pretty much just giving Yalies an excuse to revel in their own depravity. On Thursday, two of them gave the preacher a show of his own, leaping out of the crowd and into each other’s arms for a sloppy gay makeout sesh. Clothes were ripped off, asses grabbed, and hell-fire preachers horrified (but probably aroused). The sodomites—one is “straight,” the other, “bisexual” (thanks, Ivy League hetero-ambiguity)—are rumored to be members of Yale’s prank society, the Pundits, who earlier that day had sent an email to the entire school warning of escaped lab monkeys, and then making good on their promise.

One Pundit in an ape costume invaded classrooms, while an angry 5’2” Christian dwarf in a herringbone cap told me to stop having sex. Gays, monkeys, and eternal damnation? Those $50,000 dollars a year: definitely money well spent.

Thank you, Yale Daily News, for being multimedia savvy:

Upgrade Flash to watch video

OK Jesse. Be more specific. This is Yale—these words could apply to many.

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Lo: my facial hair shalt scare thee into submission.

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Yale: headed to Hell and proud of it. What else is new?

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  • Y10

    Nice–this time you stole the YDN’s photo!
    http://www.yaledailynews.com/media/2009/12/04/preacher-2/

  • Y10

    Nice–this time you stole the YDN’s photo!
    http://www.yaledailynews.com/media/2009/12/04/preacher-2/

  • KEGGY

    Dear YDN staffer: Nobody cares about photo sources. Go back to your non-existent life.

  • KEGGY

    Dear YDN staffer: Nobody cares about photo sources. Go back to your non-existent life.

  • yale ’11

    Is that Drew Westphal in both these pictures and the monkey pictures??
    Weird.

  • yale ’11

    Is that Drew Westphal in both these pictures and the monkey pictures??
    Weird.

  • elseY11

    alex klein is awesome.

  • elseY11

    alex klein is awesome.

  • Y12

    He’s not a virgin– apparently he has a wife and kid and they “have sex all the time.” Or so he claims. Ew.

  • Y12

    He’s not a virgin– apparently he has a wife and kid and they “have sex all the time.” Or so he claims. Ew.

  • Y12

    Oh and by “they” I mean him and his wife. You know, just to clarify…

  • Y12

    Oh and by “they” I mean him and his wife. You know, just to clarify…

  • yale11

    the rhesus monkeys also stopped by morrell’s spot on thursday – just in time for his talk about how “evolution is wrong” (right after the one regarding how “atheists are stupid”).

  • yale11

    the rhesus monkeys also stopped by morrell’s spot on thursday – just in time for his talk about how “evolution is wrong” (right after the one regarding how “atheists are stupid”).

  • Yale ’11

    Dear Keggy: People at real universities *do* care about plagiarism. I guess that explains why you go to Dartmouth.

  • Yale ’11

    Dear Keggy: People at real universities *do* care about plagiarism. I guess that explains why you go to Dartmouth.

  • Alex Klein

    Hey cuties: FYI, the dashing Daniel Carvalho graciously granted IvyGate permission to use his photo. Shush now <3.

  • Alex Klein

    Hey cuties: FYI, the dashing Daniel Carvalho graciously granted IvyGate permission to use his photo. Shush now <3.

  • http://s.com/ Yale sucks

    This preacher has to be a troll.

  • http://s.com Yale sucks

    This preacher has to be a troll.

  • ugh

    get off your high horse @yale ’11

  • ugh

    get off your high horse @yale ’11

  • double ugh

    alex klein ugh social climber

  • double ugh

    alex klein ugh social climber

  • p’13

    holy shit that video is hilarious

  • p’13

    holy shit that video is hilarious

  • http://www.biblesforsale.net/ Nettie Buffo

    God is amazing praise him!

  • http://www.biblesforsale.net Nettie Buffo

    God is amazing praise him!

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  • http://www.szczudlarze.info teatry uliczne

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