Ivy League sports may have been taking place for a month now, but the season doesn't really count unless the IvySports Roundup is there to sort it all out. That is why all Ivy League games before February 2009 never really happened. We decided to wait until this week to commence with the Roundup because we wanted some head-to-head Ancient Eight contests to help make our intricate rankings system more robust. Also, TV Land had a M*A*S*H marathon and we have priorities.

For those new to the IvySports Roundup, here's how it works: Each week we rank the eight Ivy League schools based on the performance of their athletics teams over the prior weekend, thereby making it just as legitimate as any other college ranking. In addition, we list which colleges have bragging rights over their Ivy rivals. This is a helpful guide for students who want to know where to direct their taunting Facebook messages. Please note that even schools towards the bottom of the rankings may still have bragging rights over colleges above them. That's because there are many Ivy sporting results to boast about, although some are more legitimate than others. And since we're in the fall sports season, no sport is more important to the rankings than Ivy League football--even though all the schools have been eliminated from the playoffs since 1978. Sorry college soccer, but having your game clock count down instead of up puts you behind field hockey in terms of importance.

And with that, onto the rankings, starting with the school that had the most painful end to the 2008-09 season.

1. Cornell

Holds bragging rights over: Yale

Over the past decade, the quality of Big Red football has run the gamut from "meh" to "bluh", and this season was expected to fall somewhere in that range. We have no idea why they've been so consistently mediocre. Landing top recruits should be easy when you're located in the best college town in America*. But while Cornell may still find themselves in the bottom half of the standings in November, for now they sit alone at the top. Two weeks in and the Big Red are the only team out of the eight to have a perfect 2-0 record. Cornell followed up an opening game win over Bucknell with a 14-12 victory at Yale. The Red were close to losing their lead late in the annual Hogwarts Bowl after the Bulldogs scored a touchdown with no time remaining. But the two-point conversion failed and Cornell survived for the road win. (Oddly, the Yale Athletics' video highlights of the game omits this key final play. Hey don't be bitter, hockey season's just around the corner.) Both these successes have earned the Big Red 14 points in the latest FCS poll, which Cornell Athletics considers big news for some reason. "Yay! People think we're slightly better than Alabama A&M!"

Also this game was broadcast live on Versus, so an audience of 10 people got to see Cornell's win. We are joking of course. With the dispute with DirecTV, it's closer to 6 people.

The rest of the schools follow the jump.

2. Harvard

Holds bragging rights over: Brown

The Crimson started their Ancient Eight run off right last week, holding off Brown at home 24-21 to win the 109th game between the two. Though the Bears recovered a late onside kick, the Crimson defense managed to stop the drive at the 25 yard line. Harvard's Harvardly-named QB Collier Winters was named the Ivy League offensive player of the week after throwing for two touchdowns and rushing for another in last Friday's game. His performance kept the crowd engaged in the contest, which allowed The Harvard Voice to easily stalk Emma Watson.

Despite Cornell's current success, Harvard is still the big favorite to win the Ivy League football title and the no trip to the playoffs that comes with it. The Crimson have more votes than Cornell in the latest FCS poll despite an opening game loss to a ranked Holy Cross team. The only reason Harvard isn't tops in this week's IvySports Roundup is due to this unfortunate lede in the Harvard Crimson's report on the game:

Perhaps with the real Hermione Granger sitting on their side of the field, the Brown Bears could have borrowed her Time-Turner to reconsider their final play call. But in the muggle world, the Bears will have to live with their decision[.]

50 points from Gryffindor.

3. Princeton

Holds bragging rights over: Yale

Tasked to defend the honor of the Ivy League on Saturday against its annoying rival, the Patriot League, The Tigers delivered a 17-14 victory over Lehigh. Princeton linebacker Steven Cody returned an interception 77 yards for a touchdown and had 11 tackles against the Mountain Hawks. Meanwhile, the 7th-ranked Tigers field hockey picked up their 2nd Ivy win and 7th overall in a 5-2 victory over Yale.

Far more interesting than any of that is Tiger football's opening game of the season against The Citadel. You may recall last year's game between the two schools in Charleston. Okay, you don't remember the game at all, but you do remember how the Princeton band pissed off the cadets, first by "scrambling" though the Citadel's "Avenue of Remembrance" and then by being gigantic cocks themselves. The band members were reportedly taunted and roughed up by cadets, resulting in an outpouring of Schadenfraude from the rest of the Ivy League.

This year's game between the two schools in Princeton was ripe with anticipation for another band geek beatdown. Unfortunately, either military training or a university order kept almost all cadets from making the trip north, and the more mature Bulldog fan contingent was much more respectful during the band's not-at-all respectful halftime show. The Citadel ended up crushing the Tigers 38-7, so that's something. But it's really unfortunate that Notre Dame receiver Golden Tate doesn't play for The Citadel.

4. Columbia

Holds bragging rights over: Cornell

Here the rankings get tougher because none of the other five schools' football teams won last week. We've decided to go with the Lions at number 4 thanks to a couple of weekend beatdowns of the Big Red. On Friday, women's soccer handled Cornell and won 1-0 in Ithaca. Then on Saturday, women's volleyball beat the Red in straight sets and followed it up with a 3-1 win over Hartford. Those two wins gave Lady Lions volleyball a 9-4 record for their best start since 2000. Also, unlike three Ivy League schools, Columbia actually has won a football game this season--even if it was only against Fordham.

5. Yale

Holds bragging rights over: Princeton

The Bulldogs won only one Ivy League game last week out of the three they played--a 2-0 victory over Princeton in women's soccer. But outside of the Ivies, Yale was on fire. Women's soccer also shutout Quinnipiac last week, in addition to field hockey's win over Hofstra, and volleyball's sweeps of CCSU, Quinnipiac, and Binghamton.

Speaking of women's sports, this weekend sees many Breast Cancer Awareness Month promotions in all of athletics, from Yale to the NFL. It's all for a good cause, but all sports fans should be aware that the nation is on Pink Jersey Alert 5.

6. Dartmouth

Holds bragging rights over: Brown

The Big Green were understandably stomped in football by 6th-ranked New Hampshire a week after getting understandably stomped by Colgate. They weren't too shabby in the other sports, though. Women's soccer won their Ivy opener against Brown 3-1, field hockey breezed through Rhode Island with two wins, and volleyball swept Harvard. Unfortunately for the Green, men's soccer were upset by Hartwick 2-0 and dropped out of the rankings. Dartmouth could have pulled out the victory in stoppage time, but unfortunately for them, they were playing college soccer. American collegiate soccer doesn't have injury time. It's too French.

7. Penn

Holds bragging rights over: Harvard

The Quakers suffered a tough loss in football against Lafayette--rallying from 17-0 down only to lose in overtime 20-17. Unfortunately, that leaves the Ivy League with only a 4-3 lead on the Patriot League this season. DAMMIT WE ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THEM GUYS!

Anywho, moving to Ivy League matchups, Penn topped Harvard in field hockey 4-1. However, they lost to Lafayette two days later OH COME ON PEOPLE! We're not going to get John Feinstein to write a book about us with performances like that!

8. Brown

Holds bragging rights over: Columbia in a week

Brown's men's soccer team is ranked 23rd in the country and will compete with Harvard and Dartmouth for the Ivy title. However, the team's performance could not move Brown up the IvySports rankings as their most recent games consisted of three consecutive draws. And you've got to feel bad for the Bears football team who lost both their games so far by a combined 4 points. Men's water polo's doing okay, so that's something. Maybe.

Well that wraps up this week's rankings. We'll see you again next week. But before we go, we should mention this weekend's premier Ivy League football game on Versus. It's 0-2 Penn at 0-2 Dartmouth. Would you still prefer to watch Wisconsin at Minnesota on ESPN? Yes, yes you would.