Hey douche bag, you spelled ‘richest’ wrong.

“The real explanation involves the fact that all of you Columbia, Cornell, Dartmouth, and Penn students hate to hear. They don’t have the golddigger sex appeal of the riches Ivy, the hippie sex appeal of the most liberal Ivy, or the masturbation appeal of Princeton.”

Number 14. Arizona State
“Honorable-mention “show us your tits!” institutions: Duke, any state school in Florida or Arizona, U. of Delaware, Dartmouth.”

Show us your tits.

you’re asking for shit putting Columbia on the “lesser Ivy” list. But I think if this list proves anything the designation should no longer be “real Ivies” and “lesser Ivies,” but rather Douche Ivies and legit Ivies — i.e. the schools where people are too busy getting a good education to be stereotyped (or writing into you whining that Yale was snubbed) by GQ.

Okay Dude, IvyGate what’s the distinction? Got a list for us?

Haha, article well done.

Wow, it’s so hard to differentiate among the Ivies along this particular dimension because so many candidates truly excel. This is a competition in which it’s a shame that any team has to lose because all the combatants have “left it all on the field.” But a winner must be anointed so here we go.

8. Cornell: Kept humble by modest US News ranking, huge student body and expansive semi-rural campus, which gives it the feel of a state land grant university. Oh, which it is. Least insufferable Ivy. Indeed, like Andy Bernard, kind of lovable.

7. Dartmouth: Drunken frat boys do not aspire to be seen by the world at large as exclusive elitists. Prefer to be seen as drunken frat boys. Don’t really ever get off the beer-soaked couch to run in the prestige race.

6. Penn: At number six in the rankings, this is where the doucheness begins in earnest. Penn is the most pre-professional Ivy by far but thinks of itself and wants to be seen as a bastion of liberal arts like its seven brethren. This is the foundation of Penn’s trade school pretension, along with its perennial inflated US News ranking. Unlike other Ivies whose alumni are douche bags as individuals, any school that makes up its founding date is institutionally a douche bag.

5. Yale: Not sure how GQ missed this one. The endless striving to be seen in the same circles as Princeton and especially Harvard, the stifling so-proud-to-be-liberal campus culture. Guys, everybody’s liberal at age 19. You don’t score any points for that.

4. Harvard: Number one and they know it. That’s okay but the problem arises because they want you to know it, too. Repeatedly, until you admit it out loud.

3. Princeton: Take the academic superiority complex of Harvard and Yale, add the carefully manicured gothic campus and the social exclusivity of eating clubs. Voila, Princeton.

2. Columbia: Mistakes the desire of so many 17-year-old kids to play grown-up in Manhattan and the resulting low admit rate as academic exclusivity and attendant prestige. Hey, people, all those applicants want to go to school in New York and you just happen to be there. A special niche category of doucheness, so understandable how GQ might have missed the subtlety.

1. Brown: Start with the oppressive political correctness of Yale and Columbia, amp it up another order of magnitude, add a scattering of Euro-rich rejects from other Ivies who got into Brown as “development admits,” and then subtract any academic rigor. The greatest difference in the Ivies between actual achievement and inflated sense of politically aware self-importance. Gotta give GQ credit for correctly identifying the one non-HYP to actually outdo those three stalwarts in doucheness.

Not sure where you’re getting the “oppressive political correctness” from Yale- it’s no more so than the rest of the Ivies. And regarding Princeton, eating clubs are far more inclusive than Secret Societies and Finals Clubs. They might act pretentious, but when the majority of campus is involved… not so much. Give Nassau douchepoints for acting as such, but don’t make the mistake of dubiously glorifying them as legitimately exclusive.

@@Complete,

I’m not saying that Yale is more oppressively politically correct than the rest of the Ivies. I’m saying that Yale is more oppressively politically correct than (in descending order) Columbia, Harvard, Cornell, Penn, Princeton and Dartmouth. You can’t honestly tell me that you think the eight Ivy campuses all have the same degree of knee-jerk liberal culture and intellectual bias. Visit your friends at the other schools. If you don’t have any friends, spend a few hours reading the school newspapers online. The differences are palpable and significant. One could easily and very legitimately reshuffle the positions among Cornell/Penn/Princeton but the big gap is between Brown/Yale/Columbia and the other quintet.

As far as Princeton’s eating clubs are concerned, based upon your earlier comment, I’m going to work from the assumption that you are a Yalie. Forgive me if I’m wrong but it sounds as though you are saying, “Hey, don’t give Princeton an unwarranted high ranking when Yale and Harvard social organizations are actually more exclusive.” First of all, I happen to agree with you about the relative degrees of exclusivity, but I’m more struck by the impression that you want Yale to be seen as MORE socially exclusive, that is, more of a douche bag haven than I’m giving you credit for. Did I get that right? If so, then I can’t speak for all 5,247 Yalies on campus but YOU are definitely a douche bag. If that was indeed your message, congratulations.

Actually, if “the endless line of tipsters” which wrote to IvyGate about the glaring omission of Yale from GO’s ranking consisted primarily or exclusively of Yalies themselves, then I stand corrected. You guys really are douche bags of the first degree.

Astute. Here’s the thing, though. “Knee-jerk liberal culture” and douchebag exclusivity are antithetical, at least in the way it normally manifests itself in the Ivy League (obviously parlor liberals can be exclusionary douchebags, but they’re not the kind we’re talking about here). In other words, you can’t group Yale with the likes of Brown and Columbia in terms of apologist, liberal asshattery, then acknowledge that it outranks Princeton in the opposite regard… and if you’re making me choose between the two as the stereotype you’re handing those 5,247 people, then you’re absolutely right: I’d choose the latter, any day, any time.

This subconversation between Complete Rankings and his nemesis is loaded with self-aware meta-douche. Both of you suck. Do us a favor and quit trying to outdo one another with snarky predictions and deft prose. It’s taking Ivy Asshattery to new heights.

Wow, you all fall for “Divide and Conquer” so quickly… when you should be counter-attacking. And you call yourself Ivy Leaguers!

The idea of a fashion magazine, which is about the stupidest creation in publishing, OR in business, criticizing top universities for the ill-defined concept of douchism, is much more a reflection of a has-been magazine’s has-beenism and jealousy, than of a proud 300 year tradition of educational excellence (plus a little snobbery).

The only thing sillier? That crazy man who puts out a “Worst Dressed List” every year. A cry for attention if there ever was one.

Aren’t “snarky predictions and deft prose” what IvyGate is all about?

Unquestionably, Brown has the largest number of douchebags out of any university; SUNY Albany being a close second.