Ragtime September 22, 2009: Harvard owns world’s largest treasury of “Sprockets” and “Stackenblochen” episodes
Brown: Class of ’08 alum to orchestrate numerous crushing election losses in the coming years- Columbia: Finnish Presidents speaks at Columbia, students disappointed to learn it’s not the one that looks like Conan O’Brien
- Cornell: CIT to add Microsoft e-mail option for those who think Google isn’t evil enough
- Cornell: Daily Sun says, “Don’t listen to us. Ever.”
- Dartmouth: School seeks national media coverage for inauguration, plans for a drunk Larry Summers to interrupt Jim Yong Kim’s speech and declare Beyoncé to be awesome at math
- Harvard: Film archive receives 800,000-piece gift from German collectors, is disappointed to discover that it consists of 800,000 “Triumph of the Will” stills
- Penn: Admissions office to alter “Why Penn?” essay question after years of applicants answering “Why not?”
- Princeton: Renovated Butler dorms remained unnamed after the university was forced to turn down a large donation from prominent alum Anthrax Q. Vagina ’47
- Yale: School of Engineering and Applied Science promises to suck less
- Yale: Judy Blume speaks at Master’s Tea, attendees treated to complimentary freckle juice and superfudge
