If The Ivy League Hasn’t Already Destroyed Itself This Summer, Forbes Will
Well we’ve come to that point in the summer where its time for the temporary IvyGate editors (Max and Michael, not that it matters) to say goodbye. It hasn’t been a great season for the Ivy League though. Cornell lost everyone’s social security numbers. Harvard is broke and is trying to own English. A Brown student and a Yale student competed to see who could be more annoying. Californians don’t understand us. Don’t even mention lacrosse. And we seem to be forgetting something. What could it be? Oh well, it probably wasn’t important.
But the worst news of all came just this week. Forbes Magazine, the nation’s premier experts on all things list-related, released their ranking of America’s Best Colleges. Here are the sobering results:
1. Army
2. Princeton
3. Caltech
4. Williams
5. Harvard
6. Wellesley
7. Air Force
8. Amherst
9. Yale
10. Stanford
11. MIT
12. Swarthmore
13. Columbia
14. Centre
15. Haverford
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Umm, it’ll be a while until we reach the next Ivy League school, so we’ll warp ahead after the jump.
Okay, picking it back up.
72. Brown
83. Penn
98. Dartmouth
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Yeah, still going…
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207. Cornell
So there you have it. Princeton is not number 1, Williams is better than Harvard, Amherst is better than Yale, and Cornell couldn’t even crack the top 200. Well, that about wraps it up for the Ivy League. It’s completely dead now. Good thing we’re getting out. I feel sorry for whoever is taking over this site next week. Don’t they know the elitism is dead?
Thanks for reading this summer. We sacrificed looking for summer employment in order to work hard to distract you while you work at your internship. We hope you enjoyed it. Nothing more to do now but to cue the music. And there’s only one song that is appropriate for this moment.
Dammit! It was supposed to be Keyboard Cat!

