Jessica Alba Visits Yale Secret Society, Members Panic and Leak Pictures from Inside the Hall
Fantastic Four star and teenage boy fantasy Jessica Alba recently made a visit to suddenly very hip Wolf’s Head Society. According to a tipster, husband and “budding producer” Cash Warren ‘01 brought her along for some elite treats out of plastic cups, weird games with sleepy-time masks, and photo ops. We can thank the latter for a peek inside the Hall (and Alba’s see-through dress).
While you can find pictures of Jessica Alba in any Maxim magazine, the shots inside of the Hall rank a bit higher than bathroom reading. But just a bit. There’s a framed picture of a letter to Yale President Richard Levin—that looks exactly as you’d expect a framed picture of a letter to look. Props to the photog for nailing that William Eggleston look in the boardroom shot. And the basement, well, it has that Yale feel to it: dark, Gothic, always morally bankrupt.
***Note: Stuffed wolf body but stuffed cougar (yes, it’s a cougar) head? What gives?
Here’s the part where everyone’s an investigatory journalist. What was the stripper wearing in the eye-mask scene??? From the expression on LBD girl in the background (center-left) who looks like a Looney Tunes die-hard, it’s probably an Elmer Fudd kind of thing—floppy hat, bell end gun, and accompanying insinuations—and she’s just recognized the speech impediment. Dude next to her recognized it, too.
After the jump, photos inside the Wolf’s Head Society and some surprisingly trustworthy captions about what’s actually happening in them.
Invitation to WHS 125th Anniversary Celebration to President Richard Levin from former Yale President Benno Schmidt.
Basement of Wolf’s Head Society. Note the quality of taxidermy (It’s high. Trust me. I’m from Tennessee.)
Wolf’s Head Society Meeting Room. Note dramatic shadows.
This picture came from Tap Night, April 16, 2009. If it’s not the promise of a stripper these Yale juniors are grinning at, it’s the promise of a wealthy, privileged future they didn’t earn.
Jessica Alba, Cash No-last-name-needed, and some Elis during a visit from the Hollywooders on March 28, 2009.
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May 15th, 2009 at 1:16 am
Adam, were you drunk when you wrote this? It is practically unintelligible. “Jessica Alba recentlymade on a visit to suddenly very hip Wolf’s Head Society”? Just one of the many sentences I needed to read multiple times to even get a semblance of an idea of what you were trying to say…
May 15th, 2009 at 1:39 am
that and this entire paragraph:
“Here’s the part where everyone’s an investigatory journalist. What was the stripper wearing in the eye-mask scene??? From the expression on LBD girl in the background (center-left) who looks like a Looney Tunes die-hard, it’s probably an Elmer Fudd kind of thing—floppy hat, bell end gun, and accompanying insinuations—and she’s just recognized the speech impediment. Dude next to her recognized it, too.”
i’m sorry, but what are you talking about?
May 15th, 2009 at 2:00 am
you guys are a bunch of flamers.
May 15th, 2009 at 2:22 am
jessica alba looks like Karen fillipelli (rashida jones) in these photos. not htat she isn’t hot but….fuck maxim
May 15th, 2009 at 2:42 am
These secret societies sure are putting emphasis on whoring their images out there. Where’s the secrecy?
In other news: the last two bits of news have convinced me that I would have preferred to go to Yale. -sigh- Fuck F.A.
May 15th, 2009 at 2:47 am
Man…..secret societies, and Yale, and the Ivy League in general have gotten really lame.
It used to be filled with good looking, upstanding preppy WASPy men.
Now it’s like an uglier, dorkier version of the Model U.N. Plus estrogen. And throw in some extra shades of swarthy.
The faces in the pictures above are just so out of place in the Wolf’s Head tomb and it’s 19th century Victorian decor. Like when you see a white guy in a samurai outfit. It just doesn’t fit.
May 15th, 2009 at 3:14 am
It turns out that when admittance is based on qualifications your upstanding preppy WASPY men are at a disadvantage. Don’t you have a time-machine you should be working on…
May 15th, 2009 at 3:15 am
It turns out that when admission isn’t based on old money your upstanding preppy WASPY men are at a disadvantage. Now don’t you have a time-machine you should be working on…
May 15th, 2009 at 4:13 am
To the commenter who replied to my post,
I don’t doubt it. Based on the statistics, I would say that you’re absolutely right.
Nearly 20 percent of the Harvard College student body is Asian-American, and 25 percent to 33 percent is Jewish, though Asian-Americans make up only 3 percent of the U.S. population and Jewish-Americans even less than 3 percent. Thus, 50 percent of Harvard’s student body is drawn from about 5 percent of the U.S. population.
At Harvard, non-Jewish whites — about 75 percent of the U.S. population — get just 25 percent of the slots. So basically, white Christians are dramatically underrepresented at Harvard. And this pattern is evident at the other Ivies as well.
Source: http://buchanan.org/blog/pjb-the-dispossession-of-christian-americans-241
May 15th, 2009 at 11:02 am
dragoon, you are OBVIOUSLY racist for bringing up that statistically-based point.
But let’s be honest here: the majority of Asians in college now are first-generation or moved to the US at a very young age. For whatever reason, the culture of those immigrant parents is to push their children very hard to succeed in the traditional sense, ie good school, doctor, lawyer, etc. The result is that these teens do very well in school and get into top colleges. This is true for both Chinese and Koreans, and only slightly less-so for Japanese.
Before anyone gets off calling me a racist white guy, I’ll let you know I’m a first-generation American with Chinese parents. They whooped my ass in high school to get top grades to go to a top school, and I know from others that my experience was not the exception.
May 15th, 2009 at 11:42 am
*high fives the anonymous at 11:02* Immigrant parents that are not afraid to beat your ass — me too, pal. Me too (though, my family is from the Caribbean).
May 15th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
It turns out that when admission isn’t based on old money your upstanding preppy WASPY men are at a disadvantage. Now don’t you have a time-machine you should be working on…
Riiiiight, because everyone knows that minorities are 100% merit based admits…and Emma Watson got into Brown because she is going to be a great physicist.
May 15th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Gee…if my parents whooped my ass all through high school etc etc I would have probably been f-ing summa cum laude 4.000 valedictorian of Yale. It’s a real shame they just left me to my own devices and didn’t say a word to me about my grades. College visits? I was the one mapping out the road trip, I was the one booking the hotels, I was the one scheduling the interviews. Well, my mom did wake me up after I would pass out after coming home from swim practice but it’s not like I would actually study then. Those were the days. Making the main hall of the library my hang out space with my buddies even though “no talking was allowed.” Sleeping in the front row of accelerated chemistry in plain view of the teacher, 1st period. Whose idea was it to make school start before 9 anyway? I got into Yale and I had an actual childhood too.
Knowing a bunch of you first generation Asians in college, it seems like your parents are still on your cases about grades, etc. Joe Kai, the Korean (?) in that photo there, were your parents disappointed when it wasn’t Skull and Bones? And when will it all end? When will you become your masters of your own destinies? How happy are you right now, under your parents’ thumb?
May 15th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
I’m the anonymous from 11:02, and you misread what I was trying to across entirely.
I don’t make any judgments about how much parental involvement is the best, I was just pointing out that getting into college is about numbers. There are many factors that make someone a better person, as well as a better student for the school, that don’t, and can’t, come across in an application. Many parents push their children towards success in the quantifiable area because they see it as a means to an end: a good eduction and a good job, and the rest will fall into place.
Does this work in terms of getting into school and getting top jobs out of college? Usually because of our application-based systems. Does this work in the sense of creating a well-rounded and worldly person who can take care of himself and is happy? That’s a good question I don’t think anyone has an answer to.
My guess is that some societies put more emphasis on “objective” success (ie money, fame, power, etc). This can be a great idea and a terrible idea at the same time. This does unfortunately lead down the path that includes parents not caring that Columbia or Penn or Brown are better fits for their child’s personality because HYP are higher ranked and therefore the student should go to one of them (given the choice…).
May 15th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
My point is that the correlation between intelligence and WASPiness isn’t as strong as 1940’s admission rates would have you believe. And to Dragoon, If only we lived in the good ol’ days when Christians just took whatever they wanted in the name of manifest destiny.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
I see satan’s little helpers from hellywood have you all clustered in a nice grouping suitable for our heavenly father to waste your dumb evil asses. Watch me call a couple more prophetic shots like last years Gainseville hurricane, notably, the Yellowstone gurgle and then pop goes the super volcano and everything East of it goes bye bye bye, cry us a river cause the rest of the planet will be partying like satan just got annihilated. I’d like to start a betting pool with Bodog that the particulate matter falling from the heavens deposited by the jet stream on London will be around 25 millimetres. You wanna know what’s great as well is the marvelous earthquake that is going to swallow up the cocksucking pedophiles in hollywood that good old boy foley likes to lobby.
Hey did you happen to find the 2.3 Trillion the poentagon said it lost on 9/10 the day before 9/11, or maybe the multiple Trillions that American ambassador Wanta said the usa is owed from the derivatives markets and the behind the scenes super fraud he created for the american big banks to play, maybe you could have used the trillions set up in the $66 trillion of credit default swaps that clinton salted the original sub prime group by corraling all the wealthy minorities in the USA to a tune of $ 200 billion a year and forcing HUD to litigate against clinton and the government prior to the bush administrations year 2000 meltdown and the salting fraud was off to the record races.
I grew up in the oil capital of the world, the hot sun baked the banks of the Hangingstone river and in the summer as a child swimming in it I would come out covered in partially refined oil, only to find as an adult I had healing hands and all sorts of bizarre prophecy unfolding all around me. I have lots of other great finds as well and waiting for even more greater finds once you yanks are gone. Actually, having as a prophet found you gone already, I’d have to consider this one of my favorite finds, next to the dead rothchilds and thomsons that seem to like dying on great days like the 12 June, 2006,2007 and the propensity for GOD to assassinate rothschilds before your president took his seat on January 20,2009. On the day after the year 2000 my true love gave to me ( sung like the day after Christmas) 7 rothschilds, 5 rockefellers, 2 bronfmans ,1 asper, 1 astor, 1 ford, and a thomson in a coconut tree. It’s hard work tryiing to track down the owners of your federal reserve bank, especially when they die, they like to hide that shit but i’m ever so persistent, looking for a von shcroder and maybe even just some old wanna be’s like the barings. Oh it’s so glorious not being a soon to be dead banker, au revoir gophers. I’m in a rush and I couldn’t be bothered to check this rant for grammar or spelling bye.
christianarchisti
May 18th, 2009 at 3:25 am
Christianarchisti IS BACK! The Psycho in the flesh returns to IvyGate! To what do we owe this honor, and I really wonder what he/she/it thinks of Barry Hussein.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
@ dragoon – A great deal of the problem these days is that the younger generation of WASPs don’t attach the same value to an Ivy education as they once did. (I.e. they are the ones eschewing the schools in the first place.)
May 18th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
@ dragoon – A great deal of the problem these days is that the younger generation of WASPs don’t attach the same value to an Ivy education as they once did. (I.e. they are the ones eschewing the schools in the first place.) In many ways, we are a dying breed.
May 19th, 2009 at 2:40 am
emma watson actually was a straight A student for the record. and is she going to Brown for sure?
btw, you’re an embarrassment to Yalies with comments like that. you clearly didn’t get tapped for anything, and you’re bitter about it. I know two people who got tapped this year, and they’re both upstanding, hard-working leaders— and not white, might I add.
May 27th, 2009 at 3:54 am
…the highly anticipated second installment of Ivygate’s “tool” series.
May 28th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Dragoon lacks flame and intelligence.