Brown: Incoming Dartmouth president wants to bring to Hanover "the same inspiration I found here." Fuck that shit! In the most impartial possible way.- Columbia: "Even last semester I drank every day." Every SINGLE day?! If only Belushi could've lived to play you.
- Cornell: "I'm talking about pirates versus ninjas." Whoa, okay, hear me out: kittens, Impact font, bad grammar. Are we too visionary?
- Dartmouth: Remember how OLD the Ivies are, besides Cornell? Like, England's idea.
- Harvard: Rolling Stone publisher insists print still lives, loves the Eagles.
- Penn: Art club president "calm in the face of the squirrel theft." At last, "what public art is all about:" defacement, failure.
- Penn: Prez Gutmann: "We just don't have the money." Enough PR doubletalk!
- Princeton: Those spooky, seemingly-parodic gay-hate ads making the rounds---Princeton prof.
- Yale: Rhythm method?
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