IvyGate’s Swine Flu Prediction: Yale is Doomed
Attention Elis: You may have already won the Swine Flu Clearinghouse! According to the Yale University Health Services, at least four patients are currently being treated for influenza A and awaiting test results from the Connecticut Department of Health, AKA Swine Flu Central.
While other schools seem to be sticking to the Cover Your Cough handbook, Yale looks like they might actually be taking this shit seriously. Because kids are dying. In Mexico. Accordingly, the Yale administration has put a stop on all funding to go to Mexico based on a campus-wide email that made it into our tip box. (Don't worry, students are going to go anyways. Chiapas is crazy this time of year.)
In an unexpectedly extreme move, Dartmouth is actually pulling kids out of Mexico. It looks like the 11 study abroaders at the Dartmouth Language School Abroad program in Cholula might not learn the subjunctive case after all. Hopefully they got in on the hot sauce manufactured there. You know, the one with the wooden top. IvyGate favorite, that is.
After the jump, a school-by-school report of the biggest health scare in the United States that doesn't really seem all that scary. But it's always fun seeing surgical masks in the street.
So if Yale is fucked, and Dartmouth is pulling out early what's happening at the half dozen other institutions we love to hate? Not that much.
Brown: Thank you, Russell C. Carey and Margaret Klawunn for encouraging the consumption of pork in these days of pork hatred. If anyone actually carries the virus to Providence, those suffering have not long to wait. Because Fareed Zakaria is the commencement speaker, and his jawline heals all wounds. Aretha Franklin will be there, too.
Columbia: Back in the day, this Morningside Heights school got a bad wrap for hating penis and being too easy to sneak into. But they're being real champs about this Swine Flu thing given the fact that some of the outbreaks are just A FEW BLOCKS AWAY!!! Way to be New Yorkers by feeling invincible, Columbia.
Cornell: Pretty boring over at the school that actually has pigs. But we're guessing Ann Coulter will have a field day if there's an outbreak at the Ag School.
Harvard: As the rest of the world turns to Harvard Medical School gurus for answers, the University itself seems to be taking the kindergarten teacher approach: wash your hands and don't talk to strangers. At least they're being honest, unlike neighboring MIT and their Gossip Girl of Death.
Penn: Like Yale, the University of Pennsylvania has suspsended all programs in Mexico. And there have been three probable confirmed cases in Philadelphia, if that makes sense. Wow, Penn realy does always get the short end of the stick.
Princeton: Ok, here's a real Princetonian thing to do. There's a health crisis? Let's do a panel discussion! Btw, did you guys know Princeton's exams take approximately 6 weeks? School of the impossible to fail, say we.
Know anybody with flu-like symptoms? Contact your local health services. After you email us at tips@ivygateblog.com.
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Read more: ann coulter, Brown, Cornell, Dartmouth, end of the world, fareed zakaria, Harvard, Health Services, penis, Penn, Princeton, swine flu, Yale
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April 30th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
woot lawnparties with pertussis breakout!
April 30th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~prepare/swineflu/
Dartmouth *always* pulls out early, we’re a very conservative place, except for when it comes to politics. The “Dartmouth Language School Abroad” makes it sound like an actual place. If anything, it should be called the Dartmouth “Spanish study abroad program” in Mexico/the ghetto.
Great, picture, btw.
May 1st, 2009 at 2:01 am
To our dearest Yale Brethren,
LOL.
xoxo
Columbia
May 1st, 2009 at 2:57 am
princeton has also cut funding to mexico
also, its gonna rain during lawnparties. princeton is mourning bc of that stupid referendum
May 1st, 2009 at 10:32 am
Oh, how typical. If the Crimson is to be believed, Harvard beat us to the punch.
May 1st, 2009 at 12:18 pm
LSA doesn’t stand for Language School Abroad, it stands for Language Study Abroad.
And they pulled them out because the university they are at will be closed for a long enough period of time they felt that keeping them there didn’t accomplish anything
May 1st, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Actually a lot more happening at Harvard:
http://wbztv.com/local/swine.flu.massachusetts.2.998898.html
May 1st, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Flu:
The Science in Society blog has posted a response to recent swine flu news, putting it in perspective with previous flu pandemics. Here is a piece comparing flu intervention in 1918 and today. An excerpt:
Just how important is starting countermeasures early, and what kind of interventions work? The tragedy of the Spanish flu provides a natural laboratory for public health measures, as cities throughout the US differed both in scale and timing of their interventions.
Medical science in 1918 was still getting on its feet. The majority of older physicians of the time were not educated under the scientific regimen of the Flexnerian revolution. The leading bacteriologists of the day mistakenly believed that influenza was a bacterial disease, and it was not until 1943 when it was recognized that a virus was responsible. As a result, medical intervention in the pandemic was of questionable value, not least because most of the best doctors had been drafted to serve in the military for WWI.
However, nonmedical interventions were also employed. These included quarantines, isolation of the sick in makeshift wards, closure of public gathering places such as churches and schools. Quick action (as measured by when flu cases rose to double the baseline number of cases) had a strong correlation with reduced mortality, and that maintaining the measures was important to keep the disease from spreading.
St. Louis, for example, closed schools and canceled public gatherings early, and maintained quarantines for over ten weeks, leading to a significantly lower mortality rate. However, not all cities were as proactive; the median duration of these interventions was only four weeks, insufficient to protect the population. Some cities were even counterproductive: Philadelphia hosted a military parade to promote war bonds, over the objections of numerous doctors and public health officials. Soon afterwards, it became one of the hardest-hit cities in the US.
May 3rd, 2009 at 1:18 am
subjunctive MOOD asshole, not “case”. you are embarrassing.
May 3rd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
i hope cc’10 dies of the swine flu