Passing the Lit Stick of Dynamite

42-15563230As many have noticed, IvyGate is long overdue for regime change. (To the group of enraged Princetonians who launched an organized attack on my Facebook page: Touche.) You’d be surprised how hard it is to get someone to take over your crazy little lawsuit-magnet of a blog! Luckily, one brave and valiant soul is stepping up to the task, effective immediately. Readers, meet Adam Clark Estes, a spring semester post-thesis senior (read: Lots of time for blogging!) at Harvard (read: Insufferable in all the right ways.) He will be your new benevolent dictator, and some of the old staff will stick around, too. I’m off to the greener pastures of gainful employment but will probably lurk around in emeritus status ad infinitum, because otherwise, who would you complain about?

Interested in joining our storied ranks? Think you could do better? Got a red-hot, burns-when-you-pee tip? Drop us a line and you, too, can be part of the IvyGate 3.0 revival. Don’t worry, we won’t actually blow you up.

Adventures in Downward Mobility: Poor Rich Kids Is the Tragicomedy on the Other Side of Graduation

rich_poorThe markets are dropping, the sky is falling, Bobby Jindal is about to take over America. The King of Antigua just raided your trust fund and Lehman is still the best job on Wall Street and it already went under. Welcome to the Brave New World of Ivy League Poverty, in which the value of silver-spoons is falling fast.  Anon, the dawn of a disgusting, moldy-mustard-hued morn in which we are no longer able to sell our diplomas to the highest Wall Street bidder, or fetch lattes for some Fortune-500 sack of cash who pays you with the gold coins he sweats at night. We’re liberal and OMGbama enough to know things could be a lot worse, but somewhere along the way, “but for the grace of God goes I” turned into “at least I’m not that pathetic guy” and “At least I’ll always have Harvard. I could’ve been somebody, once!” — and therein lies the genius of new blog Poor Rich Kids (helmed by an enterprising pair of lazy-ass HYP grads) which offers marching orders to the overeducated and underemployed:

Even if you’ve been cut off, so to speak (and every poor rich kid will insist that he/she is entirely financially independent), your parents want to know that if someone holds you at gunpoint and the $6.32 in your wallet just isn’t enough, the thief / poor-poor-person will be able to take their credit card. This way the poor-poor-person will feel satisfied and won’t kill you. So your parents give you their credit/ATM card, just in case. There is, however, another acceptable use for your parents’ credit card: buying items from the pharmacy. Use their credit card to buy a carton of cigarettes.

But then I read entries about how the jobs of choice for the poor-rich are “blogger,” “freelance writer,” and “thinking about grad school,” and, like, close to home.

Skull and Bones Sued For Possessing Geronimo’s Skull and Bones

Controversy is brewing around Skull and Bones, the laughably un-secret secret society par excellence at Yale. Descendants of Geronimo, the 19th century Apache warrior, are suing the shadowy senior club for allegedly stealing the remains of their ancestor in 1918, and for keeping it at their New Haven tomb ever since.

MSNBC writes that

According to lore, members of Skull and Bones — including former President George W. Bush’s grandfather, Prescott Bush — dug up his grave when a group of Army volunteers from Yale was stationed at the fort during World War I, taking his skull and some of his bones.

The skull evidently now sits in a glass display nicknamed, well, “Geronimo.” Those tapped might even have to kiss the contested skull to join the super-secret society.This rumor has gained more traction in recent years, since in 2005

Yale historian Marc Wortman discovered a letter written in 1918 from one Skull and Bones member to another that seemed to lend validity to the tale. The letter, sent to F. Trubee Davison by Winter Mead, said Geronimo’s skull and other remains were taken from the leader’s burial site, along with several pieces of tack for a horse. ‘The skull of the worthy Geronimo the Terrible, exhumed from its tomb at Fort Sill by your club and Knight Haffuer, is now safe inside the T — together with is well worn femurs, bit and saddle horn,’ Mead wrote.

Read what the Geronimo family thinks after the jump.

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Meningococcal Infections Hit Penn; Provide Yet Another Reason Why You Should Avoid Penn Like The Plague

penningitisThere are many reasons to avoid Penn: rapists, child pornographers, murdering professors, greedy Wharton students, etc. Now, to the indubitable chagrin of Penn’s administrators and the glee of Columbia’s Bwog, there’s another: a string of life-threatening meningococcal infections.

On Friday, Director of Student Health Evelyn Wiener sent a university-wide email stating that

a third student has now been hospitalized with a confirmed case of meningococcal infection. As a precaution, and to ensure that all students needing to receive preventative treatment have received it, the University has decided to cancel, through this weekend, and perhaps further as circumstances indicate, all official University and student-sponsored parties. This includes, specifically, all parties, on- or off-campus, sponsored by student groups, all Greek-related parties, all College Housing and housing-affiliated parties, or any other gatherings where significant interaction with food, drink, or intimate contact is likely. Athletic and performing arts events will be held as scheduled.

As we have learned the three hospitalized students had common interaction through the Greek system, we have set up a special clinic for tomorrow, Saturday, February 14, at Student Health Service, 3535 Market Street, beginning at 9am.  Those who have attended fraternity or sorority events since February 2, or had close, prolonged contact with anyone who attended any Greek-related events since February 2, should visit the clinic for evaluation and possible preventative treatment.

More after the jump.

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Cambridge Students Raise Controversy Over Preparations For Opulent End-of-the-Year Party

emmanuel-collegeAcross the pond, a swirl of controversy has arisen from student preparations for an Empire-themed ball, which is set to be held at Emmanuel College, Cambridge, on June 14, 2009. (As an aside, John Harvard is an alumnus of Emmanuel College). The Emma May Ball is one of several ‘May balls’ held annually or biennially by colleges at Cambridge University, which function similarly,  but in expanded capacity, to residential colleges at many American universities.

On the ball’s website, which has a suitably empire-like theme to it, organizers say this year’s event

takes as its inspiration the Victorian commonwealth and all its decadences. Travel with us to the Indian Raj, an emergent Australia, and the West Indies. See for yourself the hedonism of 19th Century Hong Kong, the sweltering rainforests of Sri Lanka and the beautiful cliffs as you sail around the Cape of Good Hope. Last, but by no means least, journey back to the jewel in her majesty’s crown: the Great British Isles themselves. On Sunday 14th June, in the glorious grounds of Emmanuel College, we invite you to experience the Pax Britannica and party like it’s 1899.

One must be skeptical of any college event that promises to transport you to the the “sweltering rainforests of Sri Lanka” and “around the Cape of Good Hope”, but rumor has it that Emmanuel College throws a terrific party; would certainly hope so at £106 per ticket – or $151 USD. The night’s festivities include a long list of musical acts, as well as copious amounts of ethnic food and booze, from locales that formerly composed the British Empire.

Because of its theme, the event has been decried by some as making light of Britain’s oppressive colonial past. One individual interviewed by the Daily Mail said, “Colonialism is associated with repression and exploitation and slavery. We are not thin-skinned but you have to draw the line somewhere. For a leading university like Cambridge it is amazing how ignorant some people can be.”

Really, though, it appears that protesters are making a big deal out of nothing. It seems to be just good ‘ol fashioned college debauchery to us  – albeit substantially fancier than your run-of-the-mill Ivy League frat party.

Winklevoss Twins Want Zuckerberg’s Money, Not His Company’s Rapidly Devaluing Stock

winklevossrowersSsshhhh, the Winklevoss twins don’t want you to know this: The uber-bros recently received $65 million from Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg in a confidential settlement ending the lawsuit over who really, really started Facebook. But the Brothers Winklevoss aren’t satisfied; they want the verdict overturned. Why, you ask? Probably because they were paid largely in Zuckerberg Bucks (a.k.a. Facebook stock). According to Valleywag:

ConnectU’s settlement was issued in common shares. And an appraisal Facebook conducted to value the shares it issued to employees valued the company at $3.7 billion, or $8.88 a share — making the stock part of ConnectU’s payment only worth $11 million, and the total $31 million.

Only $31 million? Oh, but it gets worse. From Valleywag:

An informal market for Facebook stock exists, though it’s not publicly traded. Vulture investors are offering to buy shares for as little as $2.50 apiece. At that price, the company as a whole is worth $1.3 billion. That’s less than Yahoo reportedly bid for the company in 2006.

With share price falling, what’s a young Zuckerprince to do? After the jump, predictions for Facebook’s grim future. Read the rest of this entry »

Ragtime February 11, 2008

Go Ask Aliza: Shvarts-Embryo-Art Describes Her First

picture-5Good news! Aliza Shvarts—the Yalie who staged a hostile takeover of the 24-hour news cycle last spring with nothing but a turkey baster, a jar of vaseline, and her fertile loins—is back, in the most ironic role possible: Educating little girls on reproductive health.

That’s right, Yale’s most notorious artist is a featured contributor in My Little Red Book, an anthology of first period stories edited by fellow Eli Rachel Kauder Nalebuff. Blurbed by Gloria Steinem, My Little Red Book is a strangely high-profile affair featuring the likes of Erica Jong and Gossip Girl originator Cecily von Ziegesar. Luckily, even the heftiest of literary minds is rendered totally preposterous in the face of adolescent menstruation and associated awkwardness, so this will be a fun post, after all. For a frighteningly weird peek into reproductive lives of Shvarts-Period-Art, Jong, and von Ziegesar (featuring phrases like “blood and poop and pee” and “clean white crotch of another girl”) read on!

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Ragtime February 10, 2009: Every Issue of The Dartmouth Must Reference Drinking

Breaking: Peaches Geldof Divorces Max Drummey

maxpeachesIn an entirely expected turn of events, British socialite Peaches Geldof, 19, officially announced her divorce to Harvard alum and Chester French band member Max Drummey this past weekend. They were married for just over six months.

According to the Daily Mail, Peaches is currently “besotted” with Donald Cumming, frontman of the Virgins, a New York-based rock band.

You may remember that last October we interviewed both Max and fellow bandmate D.A. Wallach; at that time we asked Max how married life was treating him. He answered, “It’s nice. Thank you.”

Thank you, Max, for parting – willingly or not – with Peaches. Perhaps singlehood will give you more time to concentrate on your next album. Just don’t make it all emo and stuff, okay?