Harvard Teenie Mag Kicks Off Mr. Douc—uhh—Freshman Contest
Freeze Magazine, a year-old online magazine for college girls, recently opened the polls for their second annual Mr. Harvard Freshman contest. The magazine describes itself as the source for students "too old for Seventeen, but not yet ready to move onto Marie Claire," and the contest stays true to that. Though the contest page lacks last year's inclusion of boys playing bad guitar, there's more ammo for ridicule than you'd believe.
Avid Freeze readers might know the magazine best for the How to be Anorexic features or Why Boys Hate You columns, but the Mr. Freshman issue is the tops—despite Freeze's obvious rip-off of The Crimson's 15 Hottest Freshman. The contest itself is pretty simple. Apparently, a bunch of wannabe YM editors and future cougars make a list of their young crushes and let the world vote on the cutest of them all. In their own words:
We began our search for Harvard's most witty, kind, charming and attractive freshman males with a pool of over 700 males. Through a grueling selection process in which we narrowed these 700 down to just over 80 and then again to a group of 30, the final cuts were made and this group of 13 freshman males was chosen. In addition to being recognized as a Freeze Freshman, the Freeze Freshmen are the only men on campus eligible to compete for the title of Mr. Harvard Freshman.
The finalists received not only a free photo shoot and Adobe Creative Suite touch-up session but also a 100-word interview to say things they'll soon regret. Check out the highlights of said interviews à la Clint Eastwood and some laughable photos after the jump.
The Good
Buried in cliché pick-up lines and pitiful most romantic moments, this kid Marcus Way actually had a couple of funny things to say about lacking ambition. But he also managed to pop out the most questionably racist comment. (Luckily, Freeze includes a token black guy in their Hottest Freshman list, so, whew! It's all good, guys.)
If you could be a superhero what would you be and what powers would you possess? I would be Mr. Freeze and I would light stuff on fire, confusing everyone.
Which Disney Princess is the hottest and why?Jasmine because I’m a big fan of the dark complexion…
Harvard Girls are the best because… they’re your best shot at someday being a stay at home dad.
The Bad
Oooh, tough choice. Let's settle for a tie between Brian Butler, who would prefer to spend a fortune on pizza rather than cancer research:
When I grow up I want to get into cancer research.
If I was given a million dollars and told I had to spend it by tomorrow, I would buy 481,927 slices of pepperoni from Pinnochio’s.
Favorite pick up line? Just a smile.
...and Casra LaBelle, who just sucks:
Harvard Girls are the best because the fact that you go to Harvard isn’t an automatic factor in them chasing after you.
When I grow up I want to be able to do what I want, whenever I want, wherever I want.
Favorite pick up line? I’m from Dubai.
The Ugly
Though he's not the whore for himself some finalists are, Michael O'Leary shows a potential penchant for bestiality, pedophilia, and hating the homeless:
If I were an animal I would be a zoo-keeper's wife's pet, cause she would know how to treat me.
What's the most romantic thing you've ever done? made out on the roof of my elementary school in the pouring rain then got arrested for trespassing.
What's your most embarrassing date moment? made out on the roof of my elementary school in the pouring rain then got arrested for trespassing.
If I was given a million dollars and told I had to spend it by tomorrow, I would throw the Cambridge homeless a party so wild they'd never ask me for money again.
Cast your votes now! You don't even have to be a Harvard student!
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January 7th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Wow. I’m speechless.
To any enterprising H’12s out there, PLEASE get one of these guys to do an Ivygate exclusive.
January 8th, 2009 at 12:21 am
Really? These are the best looking H’12s? Maybe personality was a heavily weighted factor…
January 8th, 2009 at 4:20 am
The last kid is definitely the biggest douchebag ever. Are you serious? throwing a party for the Cambridge homeless?
January 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am
If this is the best Harvard can do, it is truly pathetic. These guys aren’t so good looking; I definitely know better H students, though admittedly they are in older classes.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Yeah…um, dressing them all the same doesn’t really work when they all already look alike. My god. Throw some variety into the pool for pete’s sake.It’s like a Levis jean catalog of bland douchebaggery.
January 8th, 2009 at 11:59 am
wow, so much douche-ness…way to go Freeze, Now I don’t really want to go to Harvard anymore if thats what the hot guys look like…
January 8th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
“Harvard Girls are the best because…”
That had to have been a joke.
January 8th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY
This is freaking hilarious, only Harvard idiots would think posing like a girl would make them look cool. That kid from Dubai looks like a fucking loser.
January 8th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
affirmative action definitely played a role
there are far far far cuter guys in 2012
if you really want to see a grotesque parade of fuglos, check out the choice few from the 2011 race
January 8th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Are you kidding me? One black guy and one Asian guy, both standing in the background and you think that’s affirmative action?
Please. Learn the meaning of the term first.
January 8th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
marcus way is HOTT!
lol
January 10th, 2009 at 3:05 am
CASRA IS SOOOOOOO FRICKIN HOTT AND IS HUNG LIKE A HORSE
January 10th, 2009 at 3:14 am
Casra is the embodiment of a douchenozzle. I also think Casra left the previous post, under the pen name “HEYYYBABAAAY.” Classy move you mongo
January 10th, 2009 at 3:22 am
Wow epic fail. Don’t these people have better things to do with their time? Just goes to prove how many tools go to Harvard. Oh, and Casra sucks.
January 10th, 2009 at 11:36 am
“When I grow up I want to be able to do what I want, whenever I want, wherever I want.”
How old are you, Casra? Five?
January 10th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Casra’s actually nice and very nice looking
January 10th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
ok hes’ hot and instead of trashing the misguided H ’12s, trash the stupid “magazine”–it’s not even a magazine because they have no $$$$$$.
January 10th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Oleary and Casra are legends. Freeze is gay. Remind me to fire you all in 6 years.
January 10th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
casra’s a huge douche.
January 11th, 2009 at 2:30 am
You know who’s probably a bigger fag than all of the Freeze contestants, Adam Clark Estes, the douchebag who actually took the time to write this fucking article. Hey, Estes, have you ever heard the saying, “Show me a kid who makes fun of the Freeze freshmen, and I’ll show you his picture to confirm he’s an ugly fuck”? Maybe Freeze should do an article on the top 12 worst looking Ivygate “bloggers.” There’s no doubt you’d be at the top that list (in the ugly section, of course).
I kind of feel bad even posting this. It’s clear to anyone who reads this article that you’re an insecure prick who gets off by bashing the same kids you spent your whole college career envying. Go write for a real cause and stop bombing on younger kids, Estes.
And by the way, the stuff you wrote isn’t even true. That O’Leary kid’s responses were actually pretty funny, and so were Brian’s. Comes as no surprise that you were unable to realize that, though, because you clearly have a hard time recognizing good humor.
January 11th, 2009 at 2:33 am
welcome to ivygate. get used to it. everyone involved in this operation is a joke and knows it. hence the comments. if i ever hear the phrase “douchenozzle” in the real world i’d throw a bow.
January 12th, 2009 at 4:10 am
anyone who rips on Harvard as being a bunch of tools is simply doing so because they didnt get in. In the case they did, the (self) hatred manifesting itself stems from realizing how stupid it was not to have gone. ;-)
I’m a big fan of IvyGate; its probably nothing more than an minimal appreciation for having my school trashed humorously by jealous bloggers, but regardless, its certainly entertaining and frequently hysterical.
That being said, the asshole / unfunny imbecile who wrote this article reliably does the same thing in his other articles, which is fail. Every word he writes smells of shit.
Adam Clark Estes is not funny, not humorous, and like someone above said, insecure, incapable of recognizing good humor, and, indeed, probably ugly as fuck.
Fact: Casra LaBelle IS a tool.. Hey Mr. Estes got one thing half right!
January 12th, 2009 at 11:57 am
by the way. half of the interview responses are …shady? aka…not the real ones.
someone needs to get a life
January 13th, 2009 at 1:19 am
Harvard’10 thinks we all wanted to go to Harvard! It’s cute when they act like grown-ups. It’s like an animal in people clothes!
January 13th, 2009 at 11:59 am
casra is a megaton douche
January 13th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
you say douche like its a bad thing
January 14th, 2009 at 10:32 am
from high school and he’s an arrogant douchebag. Thank you IvyGate for telling it as it is.
January 16th, 2009 at 12:02 am
I have slept with Casra and Mike and I can tell you they both have reason to be arrogant!!
January 16th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Thanks, Casra and Mike. Nice to know that you feel the need to overcompensate.
If you aren’t Casra and Mike, I’d like to quote, “whore whore slut.”
January 16th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Casra is AMAZINGGGG!!!! he’s been nothing but nice and is funny too
February 1st, 2009 at 1:11 am
This is not casra whoever said that above. youre a damn faggot and i dont really think you have a penis. you need to get a life for writing on a dman blog wall on a regular basis. no wonder youre in the ivy league
February 4th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
The magazine had “tasks” for all the guys who they narrowed it down to, like put the word “Freeze” in your facebook profile. Anyone in the first round with any self-respect gave it up.
March 5th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Brian Butler is the hottest man in the school. This is why he won. I have also slept with him a few times and his penis is tremendous. A real thing of legend. I am proud to know him.