Now that Harvard’s precious purveyor of boasts and toasts, 02138 magazine, has gone down in Manhattan-colored, publishing-empire flames, where, you ask, will I go for gratuitous Crimson self-congratulation? How will I keep track of the 100 most glorious humans in existence, 02138′s annual Harvard 100, guide to the 100 most annoying— er, influential— Harvard grads each year? Crunched between ads for diamond rings and pictures of pretty boys, the plea insists nominees be “famous or infamous, celebrated or unknown.” Since 02138′s final edition of the Harvard 100, now out in clunky digital form only, frankly praises the same generic 100 Harvard heroes, IvyGate has compiled a little addendum (including one re-write).  No failure can spoil our fun.

Past mentions in 02138′s Harvard 100 include the usual Bill’s, Al’s, and Baracks’s while their 2008 version also feature somebody named Zuckerberg.  But how could we forget about the ’93 grad who embezzled $100K from children with cancer? Or the Louisiana senator with a thing for adult diapers and whores? Been wondering what happened to JTT? (God knows we have.) Feast on the Rest of the Best, starting with the obvious:

1. Ted “Unabomber” Kaczynski ’62

Well, here was an easy choice for inclusion. This boy genius got his fat envelope from Harvard College at the ripe age of 15 and had earned a spot on the faculty of Cal Berkeley by age 25. Some trace his famous beliefs into the evil of science back to the days when he was subject to cruel psychological experiments (cum electrodes, glaring spotlights, and CIA sponsorship). Over a span of nearly two decades, Kaczynski sent a total 16 pipe bombs, injuring 23 and killing three, from his handbuilt cabin in Montana. In 1995, Penthouse magazine published the famous 35,000 word paper Industrial Society and Its Future (better known as the “Unabomber Manifesto”), which aided in his eventual capture and conviction. Today, the Harvard building where Koczynski began his high education houses the college’s expository-writing program. Coincidence?

Nine more scourges to Harvard’s name, after the jump.

2. Chas “Leukemia Kids’ Money Buys Nice Cigars” Lee ’93

Listed somewhere in the unwritten code of con artists and thieves, there really should be a rule against stealing money from kids with leukeumia. Apparently, that didn’t matter too much to Charles K. Lee, the Eliot House member who chaired the long-running Evening of Champions charity figure skating event in 1992. After raising over $120,000 for Boston’s The Jimmy Fund (for kids dying of cancer) and received one of those giant checks in front of millions on PBS, Lee went on a shopping spree. When the charity inquired about the money, Lee balked citing high expenses and blaming event treasurer David Sword ’93 for sloppy record keeping. Lee had actually burned all of the records and later plead guilty to 58 counts of embezzlement. He got a year in jail and some probation. Now who ever said Harvard kids get preferential treatment?

3. Isoruku “Oops I Bombed Pearl Harbor” Yamamoto ’21

While Yale and Princeton can claim some modern day warmongers, Harvard educated the mastermind of one the most notorious sneak attacks in world history. After splitting working up the ranks at the Imperial Japanese Naval Academy, Yamamoto studied at Harvard from 1919-1921 and later served as a naval attaché in Washington. A few years hanging out with Uncle Sam imbued a bit of American sentiment into the son of a samurai, but a decent dashing from ultranationalist in the late ‘30s resurrected an ancient code in the Admiral. Yamamoto masterminded the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941, lost the Battle of Midway in 1942, and went down in flames after an American ambush in 1943.  Wannabe Harvard-affiliate Ben Affleck has kept the fight going, though.

4. Jonathan “(formerly) Taylor Thomas” Weiss ’04

The hair— The lips— The voice— —of a generation. The Tiger Beat hunk we’ll simply call “Simba” on account of his endless list of aliases, including but not limited to Jonathan Taylor-Thomas, JTT, Jonathan Taylor Weiss, Jonathan Weiss, Doug Stewart Jr (?), and Randy Taylor (!). Although he missed the role of Anakin in the latest Star Wars, America’s favorite smart throb shared the campus with Natalie Portman while a History concentrator at Harvard, where he even received a few write-in votes for U.C. president. (So did Homer Simpson.) Since effectively dropping out of the public eye, Simba has been spotted cruising the halls at Columbia and clogging the school’s servers with fanmail. Once the source of our adolescent lust (or envy), the former Cantab now shares page space with murderers and villains forever. Or at least until he agrees to a Home Improvement reunion show.

5. Sinedu “WTF” Tadesse ’96

Nearly half a decade before the Columbine H.S. shootings warned America to be nice to the awkward kids, Sinedu Tadesse made headlines in May 1995 by stabbing her roommate, Trang Phuong Ho, 45 times in the back with a hunting knife before hanging herself in their Dunster House bathroom. Though Tadesse had been valedictorian of an international school in her home country of Ethiopia, she struggled to fit in and excel at Harvard. Ho, a popular and successful Vietnamese student, befriended and agreed to room with the solitary Tadesse but grew frustrated by how needy and obsessive her roommate had become by their junior year. Tadesse didn’t take too well to Ho’s decision to room with some other girls for their senior year. (Insert Aronofsky montage: buying hunting knife, sending warning letter to the Crimson, stabbing roommate and friend, throwing rope over bathroom pipes, totally fucking up Harvard’s unique and celebrated housing system.) So, class of 2011, think real hard about those blocking group decisions in March.

6. Fred A. Leuchter, Jr. (or “Mr Death” to his friends)

Ever notice how going fishing with cherry bombs is a red flag for latent aggression? Well, the Leuchter family didn’t. Their little Freddie not only grew up to become the national expert on execution but is also internationally infamous for denying the Holocaust under oath. After doing postgraduate work at the Harvard Smithsonian Astrophyiscal Obervatory, Leuchter got his start with a booming electric chair business in Tennessee during the 1970s. Before long, his self-proclaimed “humanitarian” work modernized to a lethal injection formula that paralyzed prisoners only to halt the screams from the extreme burning pain of potassium chloride eating through their veins. By the late 1980s, Fred took his new wife on a honeymoon to Auchwitz and Birkenau, where he concluded that the gas chambers were in fact not gas chambers at all and that the Holocaust was a farce. Mr. Death was later surprised that these conclusions offended the global Jewish community and would no longer be receiving invitations to Harvard Hillel dinners.

7. Antonin “My Honorific Is An Oxymoron” Scalia, HLS ’60

Though certainly not so death-hungry a villain as some of the other Cantabridgians on this list, Justice Scalia does his best to keep some of the most fire-and-brimstone habits of American conservatives in place. (He even has his own cult!) Appointed by everybody’s favorite trickle-down president in 1986, this Harvard Law graduate wins our vote for infamy not necessarily because of what he believes, but for what he’s dead-set on dissenting. For now, let’s keep the list refined to abortion, sodomy, privacy, and the use of peyote. Scalia has been both celebrated and hated for his outspoken views and traditionalist approach to the law. If nothing else, his love of the death penalty should be cause for concern. Of course, as with any discussion about the Constitution and its robed protectors, don’t take our word for it. Take his:

…Government carries the sword as “the minister of God,” to “execute wrath” upon the evildoer.

8. Alger “Russia Knows Best” Hiss, HLS ’29

Whoa! Another Harvard Law grad! Mr. Pomade above is one of the most famous Soviet spies of the Cold War—even though he was never really convicted of espionage. While the debate has been hot and heavy amongst spy-history dweebs for over half a century, Hiss remains written in history as a liar after his perjury conviction in front of the House Committee on Un-American Activities (HUAC). From his work on the New Deal to the his eventual imprisonment in 1950, this former State Department official ran the gauntlet of Ian Fleming-esque details, including microfilms hidden in a pumpkin and Soviet generals with sweet names. We don’t really care whether he sold secrets to the Russians or not. It’s about the hair, Alger.

9. “Diaper Dave” David Vitter ’83

Ok ok. We take back some of the things we said about Justice Scalia’s crushingly conservative action against abortion, sodomy, etc. Vitter’s the real deal when it comes to voting against helping sick kids, tolerating same-sex marriage, funding Planned Parenthood, and speaking Spanish. This Louisiana-born junior Senator not only drawled his way through Harvard College, he wore his Oxford blues as a Rhodes Scholar during the early ‘80s. With an almost Pat Bateman finesse, Vitter turned the entire principle of morality on its head when he missed some calls from the DC Madam. Oh, and then there’s the whole diaper fetish thing, which takes the good senator’s hypocrisy to a whole new level of disgusting hilarity.

Mrs. Vitter almost makes it into Harvard’s Hall-of-Badasses based on a prophetic warning issued to the press in 2001:

“I’m a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary. If he [Vitter] does something like that, I’m walking away with one thing, and it’s not alimony, trust me.”

Promise kept?

10. Malcolm “Likes It Greasy” McKesson ’33

No list of Harvard disrepute could be incomplete without a dirty old man. Now it’s not totally fair to make that sweeping statement. Malcolm McKesson, heir to a New York fortune in chemicals manufacturing, studied art history at Harvard after his (2) grand tour(s) of Europe and later channeled that Old-World/Ivy-League kind of style into erotic drawings in ballpoint pen. Now a hero to the world of outsider art, McKesson also wrote an erotic tale or two while living an entirely normal, secluded life on the Upper West Side. His masterpiece, Matriarchy: Freedom in Bondage, involves a Harvard undergraduate, a dominatrix, and more than a few one sexual bondage devices. Swoon!