There are several distinct tiers of chain restaurants. On the high end, we have California Pizza Kitchen, a swell spot for an eighth grade mall date; lower down, Outback Steakhouse, where just the name “Bloomin’ Onion” is enough to… ew. Intrepid journalists Marisa Calleja (B ’10) and her friend Gabi Manga have taken it upon themselves to eat “at every chain restaurant in the Western Hemisphere” and write about it. Heart healthy!

Now, I really must back Marisa up when she says,

Bertucci’s rolls are probably my favorite starch-based food. They’re warm and soft and taste great with butter. However, two years ago Bertucci’s stopped giving you butter with your rolls, opting instead for a mix of olive oil, herbs and cheese. I don’t much care for it.”

So true. Perhaps this switch precipitated a rapid decline in the restaurant’s overall quality, because I don’t remember anything like the following happening when I went to the Brookline Village Bertucci’s during my formative years:

Then I got the wrong soup. Halfway through eating it, I realized that minestrone soup is hardly ever made out of cheese and sausage, and that I had probably received the cheese and sausage soup.”

Heh.

Gabi is currently posting from Colombia (the “o” means the country, not the school — this is apparently a source of confusion). Among other insights, we learn that

In Colombia, they love bacon, and not just regular bacon, but really really thick bacon, on everything. It is awesome.”

Colombian restaurants also hand out plastic gloves to wear while eating greasy foods. Lesson learned: Colombia is classy, ya’ll.

Unfortunately, their quest has come to a bit of a standstill on the Ivy end. Marisa tells us,

I’ve sort of been slacking on writing reviews this fall, mainly because it’s pretty hard to get Brown students to go to like, Red Lobster, with me.”

Get it together, Brown.

As Eaten On TV can be visited here.

Got a blog you want featured? Email us.