Keggy the Keg has been Kegnapped!

Keggy the Keg, quite possibly the coolest mascot in the history of the universe, has been kegnapped. According to a campus-wide missive sent by The Dartmouth Jack-O-Lantern – the comedy magazine that spawned the beloved anthropomorphic beer keg and was responsible for creative stunts like “Drinking Time” and, most recently, the “D.Y.E.” – staff members returned to campus during pre-orientation only to find that Keggy had been “forcibly abducted” from his home in room 205 of Robinson Hall.

For the uninitiated, Keggy the Keg is the unofficial mascot of Dartmouth, which is offically mascot-less. He rose to prominence in 2003, during the Student Assembly’s mascot search project, which was aborted after a poll showed that most students disliked the idea (who wouldn’t) of having a moose parading about during athletic events.

Who could possibly commit such an heinous crime? When I first heard about this I immediately thought of the College’s administrators. After all, at times they’ve been known for denying Keggy entry into sporting events, and since they run Dartmouth they could easily have abducted him when everyone was off-campus for the summer. But this question-and-answer on Dartmouth’s website seems to suggest a kind of resigned acceptance of Keggy, and plus his theft has been reported to both Dartmouth Safety & Security and the Hanover Police.

If anyone has any information about Keggy’s kegnapping, please – for the love a freeflowing tap and the safety of all those who reside in the backwoods of New Hampshire – notify Jack-O-Staff or the toughs at H-Po. Not only will you get the satisfaction of knowing that order has been restored in the quiet town of Hanover, but you’ll also get a boatload of free Keggy loot to boot.

  • dmouth09

    Well, seeing as we have a summer term…

  • dmouth09

    Well, seeing as we have a summer term…

  • columbia ’07

    Well I speak on behalf of all Americans, perhaps even the entire world, when I say that this is a tragedy of epic fucking proportions. Besides perhaps the Stanford Tree, Keggy is the coolest and drunkest mascot in the academy. I hope you are found safe and sound and that whoever is responsible goes to jail.

  • columbia ’07

    Well I speak on behalf of all Americans, perhaps even the entire world, when I say that this is a tragedy of epic fucking proportions. Besides perhaps the Stanford Tree, Keggy is the coolest and drunkest mascot in the academy. I hope you are found safe and sound and that whoever is responsible goes to jail.

  • Penn Quaker

    a few long seasons ago, my beloved body was stolen by some Brown kleptos and tortured for all of youtube to see.

    don’t be surprised if the same has happened to the keg.

  • Penn Quaker

    a few long seasons ago, my beloved body was stolen by some Brown kleptos and tortured for all of youtube to see.

    don’t be surprised if the same has happened to the keg.

  • D08

    This already happened about 5 years ago. Pictures were taken of Keggy with a black eye and he was returned missing his nose. If this is a joke, it’s lame and unoriginal. I hope Jacko wouldn’t stoop to recycling jokes like that, although that’s probably preferable to the idea of someone actually kidnapping our beloved mascot with any malicious intent.

  • D08

    This already happened about 5 years ago. Pictures were taken of Keggy with a black eye and he was returned missing his nose. If this is a joke, it’s lame and unoriginal. I hope Jacko wouldn’t stoop to recycling jokes like that, although that’s probably preferable to the idea of someone actually kidnapping our beloved mascot with any malicious intent.

  • D09

    Jacko didn’t pull a prank 5 years ago, Keggy really was stolen (and was returned damaged). People just thought they were kidding, like this time.

    http://thedartmouth.com/2003/12/10/news/still/

  • D09

    Jacko didn’t pull a prank 5 years ago, Keggy really was stolen (and was returned damaged). People just thought they were kidding, like this time.

    http://thedartmouth.com/2003/12/10/news/still/