Keggy the Keg, quite possibly the coolest mascot in the history of the universe, has been kegnapped. According to a campus-wide missive sent by The Dartmouth Jack-O-Lantern – the comedy magazine that spawned the beloved anthropomorphic beer keg and was responsible for creative stunts like “Drinking Time” and, most recently, the “D.Y.E.” – staff members returned to campus during pre-orientation only to find that Keggy had been “forcibly abducted” from his home in room 205 of Robinson Hall.
For the uninitiated, Keggy the Keg is the unofficial mascot of Dartmouth, which is offically mascot-less. He rose to prominence in 2003, during the Student Assembly’s mascot search project, which was aborted after a poll showed that most students disliked the idea (who wouldn’t) of having a moose parading about during athletic events.
Who could possibly commit such an heinous crime? When I first heard about this I immediately thought of the College’s administrators. After all, at times they’ve been known for denying Keggy entry into sporting events, and since they run Dartmouth they could easily have abducted him when everyone was off-campus for the summer. But this question-and-answer on Dartmouth’s website seems to suggest a kind of resigned acceptance of Keggy, and plus his theft has been reported to both Dartmouth Safety & Security and the Hanover Police.
If anyone has any information about Keggy’s kegnapping, please – for the love a freeflowing tap and the safety of all those who reside in the backwoods of New Hampshire – notify Jack-O-Staff or the toughs at H-Po. Not only will you get the satisfaction of knowing that order has been restored in the quiet town of Hanover, but you’ll also get a boatload of free Keggy loot to boot.