Harvard Grad Dumber Than Tyra Banks; Ivy League Hopelessly Humiliated

by | September 4, 2008 at 12:47 pm

do you know this girl?Still in the shadow of gangly glory Victoria Marshman, last night’s America’s Next Top Model premiere featured the show’s fourth token-smart-chick Ivy Leaguer. Meet Susan, age 23, a Harvard grad who majored in “English and American Literature.”

Unfortunately, Susan totally humiliated herself when she failed Tyra Banks’ ad hoc English lit test, unable to express cogent opinions on Pearl S. Buck, Jack London, or various Bronte novels. At one point, Susan turns to Tyra’s gay Latino sidekick Jay Manuel and pleads for help, mouthing “I don’t know who that is.”

Tyra: Girl, you know Harvard is going, “Oh lord, she’s embarrassing us right now.”

Of course, Susan’s response was sort of genius:

Susan: I didn’t really pay attention in those classes.

Because everyone knows English majors don’t learn anything anyway,* and besides, who cares about Jack London, other than ADHD eighth grade boys who enjoy lupine violence? Asked to name her favorite literary heroine, Susan offers this confused face:

Jane Eyre was a sad orphan

Tyra responds with a fierce face of disgust:

harvard is no longer fierce

Susan gets eliminated halfway through the 2-hour casting special, which explains why we hadn’t heard about her before (the CW only offers bios for girls pass that cut). I offer one final query, voiced by Our Lady Tyra:

Why is it that, I didn’t go to an Ivy League school, but I’m throwing out English and American literature references that she doesn’t even know?

Because we’ve all decamped to Gossip Girl, that’s why. You can only have so much East Coast elitism before the CW loses sight of its founding principles of vapid teenage melodrama and shiny honey-gold hair.

But seriously, does anyone know Susan? I’d bet my best argyle sweater that she’s actually a decent and intelligent person, hideously undercut by the tyrannical Tyra’s make-everyone-around-Tyra-look-retarded production team. Also, she looks just like Hillary Swank:

remember "the next karate kid"?

* The author majored in English. She did nothing.

 
13 Comments | |
 
 Print This Post
  • tip and fall

    So…wait. Did this person have no idea who Jack London and Pearl S. Buck were? FAIL.

  • tip and fall

    So…wait. Did this person have no idea who Jack London and Pearl S. Buck were? FAIL.

  • csteeves

    She was the sixth featured. Yaya (Brown), Whitney (Dartmouth), Tory (Yale), Katarzyna (Cornell) and Claire (Columbia). I don’t like to be one of those “HA HA YOU MESSED UP” people, but the same mistake was made in a different article.

    Also, I felt so badly for this girl. I know the only reason she got so much screen time is because Tyra got to feel smarter than someone going to Harvard. How would one model The Good Earth anyway?

  • csteeves

    She was the sixth featured. Yaya (Brown), Whitney (Dartmouth), Tory (Yale), Katarzyna (Cornell) and Claire (Columbia). I don’t like to be one of those “HA HA YOU MESSED UP” people, but the same mistake was made in a different article.

    Also, I felt so badly for this girl. I know the only reason she got so much screen time is because Tyra got to feel smarter than someone going to Harvard. How would one model The Good Earth anyway?

  • george

    yeah, I know here, she’s pretty dumb. she executive produced Ivory Tower for a season.

  • george

    yeah, I know here, she’s pretty dumb. she executive produced Ivory Tower for a season.

  • Jenny

    I bet Susan knows the difference between “ethnicity” and “nationality”. And she can probably use each word correctly! Also, as an English major, for someone to reference Jack London, an author such MOVIES such as White Fang and The Call of the Wild, I question Tyra’s actual knowledge of important(outside of young readers)”English and American” authors. Tyra needs to go to school, learn, and stop comparing herself to ivy-leaguers. Umm-hmm.

    • Cheyenne333

      Well Tyra is currently enrolled and has been attending for the past year, Harvard Business school, so she is one of the Ivy Leaguer’s now! Certainly her wealth of experience as a supermodel, actress and talk show host will assist her in her current business studies, and in future endeavors. Go Tyra!

  • Jenny

    I bet Susan knows the difference between “ethnicity” and “nationality”. And she can probably use each word correctly! Also, as an English major, for someone to reference Jack London, an author such MOVIES such as White Fang and The Call of the Wild, I question Tyra’s actual knowledge of important(outside of young readers)”English and American” authors. Tyra needs to go to school, learn, and stop comparing herself to ivy-leaguers. Umm-hmm.

  • y10

    While people SHOULD know who Jack London and Pearl S. Buck are, they are hardly the type of reading common in most University-level English departments. Blame the academics.

    /Call of the Wild was required reading in my 8th grade “Language Arts” class.

  • y10

    While people SHOULD know who Jack London and Pearl S. Buck are, they are hardly the type of reading common in most University-level English departments. Blame the academics.

    /Call of the Wild was required reading in my 8th grade “Language Arts” class.

  • Nicholas

    “The author majored in English. She did nothing.”

    This poster majored in History. He did nothing, either. Actually, a large percentage of my professors studied at Harvard or other Ivy Leagues and some of them struck me as perhaps bitter that they had been exiled to the far southeastern corner of the U.S.

    But that sort of supply glut is just life in the humanities nowadays.

  • Nicholas

    “The author majored in English. She did nothing.”

    This poster majored in History. He did nothing, either. Actually, a large percentage of my professors studied at Harvard or other Ivy Leagues and some of them struck me as perhaps bitter that they had been exiled to the far southeastern corner of the U.S.

    But that sort of supply glut is just life in the humanities nowadays.