Radar magazine delivers a shocking blow to elite education by including an Ivy Leaguer in gonzo-journo story “Inside the World of High-Class Hipster Hookers.” Seriously, $40K-per-year education and Sally Straight-A grows up to be a hipster?

Just kidding! The shock is that she became a whore:

After graduating from an Ivy League college in 2006, Kelly says she was thinking about going to grad school to become an English professor. She’s decided to put that aspiration on hold, though, while she rakes in the equivalent of an investment banker’s salary selling sex.

I’d make a joke, but I used them all up on a nearly identical story last March.

As it turns out, finance is something of a sister industry to the whore-o-sphere. The three main characters get into the business of vag-selling at the behest of some “sleazy banker types” they meet at a bar. Whore #1 gets sleazy banker’s business card, and before you know it she’s making $3000 a thrust! The ladies frequent “douchebag spots in the Meatpacking District” and turn themselves into an unstoppable trio of whoredom. Each girl has a special personality niche, just like in Charlie’s Angels:

These days Heather tends to book with more bankers and Wall Street types, Olivia with a lot of retired hipsters and club owners, and Kelly with men from the art world. During a typical week they each entertain at least three different clients—and sometimes as many as nine. “I don’t mind sleeping with two guys in a night,” Kelly says. “Just as long as the second client isn’t rough with me.”

Ivy League Angel has all the time management skills.

Why whoring, you ask? The same reason so many of your classmates go into finance:

“A lot of rich men approached us, and we thought, Why the fuck not?“

Charlie’s Prostitutes screen their clients the same way I screened topics for my thesis:

With new prospects—especially ones they met at bars—they were always careful to get a full name and an occupation and to do some research online. “If they are Googleable, that’s always a good sign,” Olivia explains.

And look, Ivy-sphere and whore-o-sphere share several luminary minds:

According to Columbia University sociologist Sudhir Venkatesh, who has spent more than a decade studying the field, high-end prostitutes (and there is an important distinction to be made here between those who choose prostitution and those who are forced into it) are emerging as a professional class more analogous to private yoga instructors or personal chefs than old-school streetwalkers. High-end sex workers tend to build long-term, mutually beneficial relationships with clients very much in line with legitimate service industries—despite the fact that the work is illegal and still occasionally dangerous.

There is an element of irony in the fact that the prostitution scandal that forced Eliot Spitzer to resign as governor of New York has given impetus to the debate in this country about whether our current laws against sex work make sense.

I’d make an Eliot Spitzer joke, but– yeah, you get it. Once you lose the ability to say “whore” ironically, there’s sort of nothing left.

2 Comments To "Ivy League Grad Ruins Irony by Actually Becoming a Whore"

#1 Comment By penn11 On August 21, 2008 @ 2:57 pm

#2 Comment By penn11 On August 21, 2008 @ 10:57 am