Shit, you guys. I just spent a half-hour scrolling through the Columbia 2012’s on Facebook and subsequently Googling the male, private-schooled, New York natives without success. So, it seems the infamous and anonymous 2012′er who needs a nanny to pick up his dry-cleaning remains masked…for now. This is very, very unfortunate for us.

In case you didn’t catch the backstory on Gawker, some rich-ass 2012′er and his four “difficult,” “rude” and “fussy” brothers and sisters are now without a nanny. Embarrassingly, their mother posted a “Wanted: Nanny” ad on Craigslist, which has since been removed, but, oh, it was awesome and I happen to have a transcript for you (with the best bit in bold) after the jump:

WANTED: Nanny/Family Assistant to start 2nd week in September (Upper East Side)
Reply to: comm-772852266@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-28, 8:25AM EDT

We’re a family of ten. My husband and myself, our 5 children, 2 dogs, and cat. For as long as we’ve lived in the city we have been lucky to have the same nanny/family assistant. Originally starting out as my eldest son’s baby nurse and staying with us for nearly 19 years.

I have had a hard time meeting people that have been right for the position. We’ve sought help from agencies and other nanny finding sites and have now moved here in search for some more dynamic candidates.

I feel that I must be up front, this job is a VERY much so a FULL TIME job with NO flexibility. Both my husband and self work full time in jobs where it is essential for us to work long hours (hedge fund and fashion industry).

The hours will generally be:
Monday- OFF, however, you may have some errands to run for the family.
Tuesday- 9am-9/10pm
Wednesday- 7am-9pm
Thursday/Friday/Saturday- 3pm-11pm (You may stay much later, you may get to leave much earlier. We often have events on these nights.)
Sunday- 10am-3pm (1st and 3rd weekend of the month)
7pm-10pm (2nd weekend of the month)
OFF (4th weekend in the month)

I do need to be upfront when I say my children can be a bit difficult. This job is very nontraditional in the sense that my kids are older and still need someone to “parent” them 24/7. My oldest son will be starting his first year at Columbia in the fall and will not be around much, but, will probably still need support. Picking up his dry cleaning, if he needs anything for his apartment, scheduling doctor appointments, anything to help him and his daily life run smoothly.

As for my 2nd son- he doesn’t need to be cared for. He will pretty much look after himself but I do want someone that will be concerned with what he’s doing with his time at home. Making sure he’s studying and insisting that he needs to be more polite. He has a streak of rude.

The younger three, well, they’re the one’s you will have the most interaction with. They are 14 (son), 12 (daughter), and 9 (daughter). They are extremely particular and each have their own set of demands and little “isms” about them, but, I assure you they are entertaining, charming, and delightful most of the time.

Mostly impart to my children’s ages the nanny will be expected to do some “family assistant” type jobs. This includes food shopping, light errand running, coordination of children’s school and personal schedules in a way that both my husband and I can access, walking dogs, and interfacing with our assistants.

You should be:
Younger and ambitious. This job is a lot of hours and not always easy for people that are not in shape to keep up with my kids.

MUST be 100% legal and able to speak PERFECT English.

MUST be presentable/polished.

MUST have SOME college.

City savvy and Blackberry Accessible.

HONEST.

AND willing to have at least a 2 year contract.

Compensation will be:
18 days paid vacation. Half to be determined by you the rest by us.
Health/Dental benefits (full, great plan) (after 90 days)

60-75 k DOE

Paid over time at the rate of $60 an hour for any amount of time worked over 50 hours.

Option to live in our beautiful second apartment located on 84th between Park and Lex for a reduced rent.

To apply for this job please submit the following:

“Resume” outlining your child care experience.

A brief explanation of why you want to apply.

My family and I will review these as they come in and will contact you with in 24 hours if we’d like to move you further along in the interview process. Please make the subject of your email- Nanny of 10 Position.

And so, IvyGate, I beg of you, for the well-being of every Columbia and Barnard girl, we must unmask this family’s oldest child! The looming trauma of unknowingly going home with this guy from a John Jay beer bash (or a St. A’s party) is just too great. Someone, anyone, apply for this job! Make yourself sound qualified. And let us know who responds.