Schadenfreude Is A Good Word

You know how the world is sort of going to pieces, what with expensive gas and rice, and related famines and genocides? As it so happens, even Manhattanites living the kind of charmed existence familiar to fans of Gossip Girl are not immune to tragedy. There’s a terrible affliction plaguing prep schools far and wide (from the Upper East Side to, um, the Upper West Side): “Harvard drought.” This year — for the first time ever — not a single student from the elite Dalton School was admitted to Harvard.

It’s no Darfur, but you wouldn’t know it by the way some of these parents are acting. They are unhappy indeed.

At Dalton’s graduation earlier this month, one mom was heard muttering, “I won’t send my grandchildren here, that’s for sure.”

Oh, snap.

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Congratulations, John T. Lowey, You’re Getting the Colbert Bump

A particularly detail-oriented tipster noticed that, during a bit about forms of identification on last Thursday’s Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert brandished a PennCard.

John T. Lowey, are you out there sans ID?

Perhaps Colbert brought it back as a souvenir from filming on campus when the show relocated to Philly during the Democratic primaries. Refresher video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Time to Apply to Grad School

So you’re a few hundred grand in debt and fresh-faced in the big city — or, if you’re a Columbia grad, just happy to get out of Morningside Heights — with a B.A. in Comp Lit and, I don’t know, hopes and dreams. Even if your semesters reading Baudrillard don’t have any practical application, you figure that your degree must at least carry some weight, right? Right?

Erroneous, my friends.

Doree Shafrir’s Observer article, “Ivy League Slaves of New York,”
is pretty self-explanatory by its subtitle: “America’s best and brightest are unpacking their gilded diplomas and getting to work as assistants in New York’s media dens, pinching themselves at their good fortune. Suckers!”

It appears that many graduates are coming to New York with visions of a swift ascent in a shiny media universe, but are quickly shot down. In fact, a certain brand of diploma might actually work against you:

Ms. Marcus explained that her former place of employment had a policy about not hiring anyone who had gone to an Ivy League school, because ‘they didn’t want people whom they could perceive as a threat.’ (The evidence bears this out somewhat: Ivy League grads do seem partial to cashing in via book deals; Lauren Weisberger, the author of The Devil Wears Prada, graduated from Cornell, and [Bridie] Clark is a Harvard alumna…)”

Well, if your Ivy League credentials are holding you back, you know our favorite fallback option: nepotism! Kidding(ish). Read the rest of this entry »

She’s Back!

Aliza Shvarts, she of the miscarriage art that caused such a stir at Yale a few months back, has been hiding out since April, even declining to come to graduation. But for everyone who hoped that her fifteen minutes were up, bad news.

Shvarts is back on the art scene, and not at any old two-bit gallery. No, she will present a piece at London’s Tate Modern this weekend. Considering that the Tate is also home to skull-encrusting, shark-pickling Damien Hirst‘s cow and calf carcasses, it sounds like a great match!

Shvarts was invited by Seth Kim-Cohen, a Yale art history professor and curator of the event. The Tate is calling it “an unmissable opportunity to examine the relationship between culture and technology with a range of leading thinkers and practitioners,” but a spokesperson was quick to emphasize that Shvarts’ piece is “not going to be in the Tate gallery. Nothing is on display.” (Translation: “No abortion art, please. We’re British.“) Read the rest of this entry »

We Can Has Commentz Plees?

Hey kids,

Just a reminder that, post-site redesign, you need to register to comment. We miss your snarky love! Register here.

And remember to keep those tips a-comin’.

-NINA SHIELD AND CHARLETON LAMB

A Different Kind of Tutor at Penn

Steve \

Apparently, someone who goes to Penn actually knows how to talk to Girls. And he’s willing to teach! Steve “Danger” Dingley, Penn ’08, has been labeled “Philly’s Own Love Guru,” but I sincerely hope his services are better than that awful movie.

Steve charges $40 a session to coach hapless Penn students who are awkward with women and turn them into hapless Penn students who are less awkward with women. This is a good idea!

From what I know about him (nothing) he doesn’t seem all that sleazy, so there’s really no downside here. In fact, more people should be doing their part to protect the world from socially inept nerds.

A preemptive note to his haters: you’re just mad because he’s making money! Stop hating!

After the jump, a more revealing photo of the love guru and a testimonial from one of his clients that shows he can help with even the “smallest” problems.

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Meet Bobby Jindal: Governor, VP Candidate, and Exorcist

Folks have apparently known for awhile that Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal participated in, ahem, an exorcism while a student at Brown. Now that Jindal has been increasingly mentioned as a potential vice presidential candidate for John McCain’s ticket, it seems like a good time to go over the details again. As TPM’s comprehensive roundup reminds us, Jindal wrote extensively about this experience, in which he and his prayer meeting buddies exorcised the demon out of his friend “Susan” and cured her cancer to boot.

More Satan-rific details after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Isn’t Harvard Just the Worst?

That certainly seems to be the opinion of a few journalists recently. Wait,  seems to be? With a headline like “The Disadvantages of an Elite Education,” you just know the author is not too keen on the Crimson. The author is none other than our old friend Cockmaster D (William Deresiewicz for our forgetful readers). Goold ol’ Cockmaster D recently discovered that he was too elitist to interact with a plumber, so obviously the rest of us are just as bad.

Because we’re coddled with extensions on papers and rampant grade inflation, we grow up to be the worst people ever. Also, it’s because we have gates:

The physical form of the university—its quads and residential colleges, with their Gothic stone façades and wrought-iron portals—is constituted by the locked gate set into the encircling wall. Everyone carries around an ID card that determines which gates they can enter. The gate, in other words, is a kind of governing metaphor—because the social form of the university, as is true of every elite school, is constituted the same way. Elite colleges are walled domains guarded by locked gates, with admission granted only to the elect.    

He’s right. Gates might be cool when every other college does it, but how dare we use them to keep people out!

He also points out that George Bush went to Yale, so take that, Ivy League! Yeah that’s right one of the dozens of presidents who went to elite universities isn’t so awesome! Clearly we have no defense to these accusations, but are we really that bad?

No, we’re worse! After the jump, Harvard is destroying the world (and bruising the butts of old ladies).

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Daphne Oz Still Thinks You Are Fat

Remember Daphne Oz, Princeton’s diet queen and author of The Dorm Room Diet? No? Well, it appears that she also made a related workout video featuring her sister Arabella and ex-boyfriend Sam Dodson, Princeton ’08. We have acquired exclusive (okay, not exclusive, but magnificent nonetheless) footage just for you.

Buy your very own copy on Amazon! Bonus: it can be used as a coaster for all the bowls of delicious, delicious carbohydrates that you will never give up.

More Daphne Oz after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Searching for my Yale College Dad

Yes, Princeton is being investigated on charges of discriminating against Jian Li in its admissions process.  The Daily Princetonian reported a couple weeks ago that the investigation has broadened, but the best part about the article is the unmoderated melee going on in the comments!

Since the article went up on the website one commenter “Yale College Dad” or, as the cool kids have begun to call him, “YCD,” has posted the overwhelming majority of the 200 comments, responding to everyone else with a rapid fire of enraged fury oh so common to the internet.

One of his better posts:

To the pimple popping Princeton brats…Jian Li has more than a strong argument. At the Ivies, especially at HYP, the evidence is overwhelming and compelling, and it is clear and convincing that for decades, there has been a racial basis, conscience or non-conscience, directed against Asian American applicants. Regardless of the outcome of the decision on Jian Li’s complaint from the OCR, since it also consists of biased politically correct appointees, who will undoubtedly rule against Jian anyway, Princeton’s admissions files will be OPENED, and this could bolster Jian’s claims when viewd by an impartial party. This case has put Princeton and the Ivies on notice for more future complaints and federal law suits based racial discrimination by Asian Americans. They won’t be ignored, mocked and ridiculed and be treated as frivolous anymore, especially by the Daily Princetonian….090909 has yet to post a credible reponse. Laugh it up, Princetonians, because the joke will be on YOU!!! BTW, some of my relatives and best friends are graduates of Princeton. Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!

But what isn’t so common is his encyclopedic knowledge of the case! From my super-scientific estimation, YCD has quoted extensively from at least a handful of articles and legal texts regarding this case, all in his valiant efforts to defend an innocent student from the Princeton’s discrimination and its students’ ridicule.

After the jump, the plot thickens!
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