So yesterday the internets were all a-twitter with news that Tom Friedman got pied in the face by an unhinged Brown leftist. Here's the footage you've been waiting for.

• Brown: Student nabbed in Thomas Friedman pie-throwing incident; accomplice remains at large, calls himself "Colonel Custard"
• Columbia: Startling noninformation: Some in Harlem like to walk around campus, whereas others do not
• Cornell: Current Cornell cheaters not as bad as old Cornell cheaters
• Dartmouth: "The liberal student has died"
• Harvard: Plastic surgeon writes children's book in which Mommy gets breast implants, infuriating a freshman, who gets the title wrong
• Penn: Something called "Hey Day"moved from Friday to Tuesday!
• Princeton: Band rides up to campus in van run on vegetable oil
• Yale: "No human blood" in Shvarts art studio

IMPORTANT: Are you Colonel Custard? Do you know who Colonel Custard is? Please contact us if either is the case.

Newmans Day is a booze-based holiday at Princeton inspired by famous words almost certainly never spoken by Paul Newman, "24 beers in a case, 24 hours in a day. Coincidence? I think not." This year, we commissioned Will and Mike, two Princeton participants, to liveblog their beer-soaked adventures. Live-streaming updates after the jump.

7:00AM: Baseball Bats and the Finer Points of Vomiting in Public Places

Will: I woke up to the dulcet tones of a baseball bat striking my front door.  The engineer living down the hall was having another long night.  As he paced, swinging his baseball bat around his head like a spastic monkey, he spoke to himself--"Maybe if I write a short introduction.  A short introduction will be fine."  As I prepared for a day of abusive drinking, I realized that he was discussing formatting decisions...while swinging a baseball bat, at 5am.  It was going to be a great Newman's Day.

Mike joined me almost an hour late, which meant I had a one beer lead on him and a chance to start watching my collection of Beavis and Butthead.

Tally: 2 beers
BAC: 0.02

....

After the jump: Mike arrives, things get frat-tastic. Live-blog! Beer! Whoo!

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Um, hi, it's your absentee landlords, checking in for the first time in months!

If you're like us, the only thing longer than your summer To-Do list is your summer Not-to-Do list: countries not to visit, books not to read, jobs not to get, and, most importantly, blogs not to write. So starting next week, IvyGate will be trading in its argyle sweaters for argyle Speedos, tweed jackets for tweed beaters, and going on early summer leave.

But what would summer be without a little resume padding? That's where you come in. Last year, we handed the blogging reins to an excellent group of summer editors; several of them - notably Maureen and Jacob and Hal, to whom we owe our souls - stuck around and valiantly edited the site for the academic year. We're hoping to do something similar this time around. So if you or anyone you know is funny, brainy, and self-destructive enough to put their life on the line and blog through these hot August days, please get in touch by May 16 and we'll talk.

May 2: Last day of publishing
May 3 - June 15: Dark
June 16 - August 22: Summer Editors

This being summer and all, we're open to everything, including people who wouldn't necessarily be obvious choices. Given the general summer slowdown in news, we're especially fond of peeps with journalism backgrounds who know how to pursue stories. And remember, we abhor the Ivy League, so there are absolutely no requirements here (like attending an Ivy school).

Otherwise, whether you're writing the great American novel or finding spiritual fulfillment at Lehman Brothers; volunteering for Obama or volunteering for, well, Obama; competing in the Olympics or challenging our high score in Torch Run (215, kid you not), enjoy your freedom. It only comes four months out of the year!

In the meantime, if you're sitting on any last-minute tips, don't be shy.

P.S. -- Seriously, though, big thanks again to Maureen, Jacob, and Hal. Writing this site is a thankless job, and they made our little flash in the pan glint a little longer.

Cheers, 

Chris and Nick 

Members of the class of 2012 will be disgusted to hear that - surprise! - beer is a rather popular beverage at college. With every school comes a small array of depraved beer-chugging traditions. At Princeton, we use the name of a guy whose son died from substance abuse as shorthand for a substance-abusing holiday known as "Newman's Day," said to originate from a line frat boys everywhere only wish could be attributed to Paul Newman:

24 beers in a case, 24 hours in a day. Coincidence? I think not.

Obviously, the appropriate day for investigating this claim is 4/24, tomorrow.

Naming scandal aside, Newman's Day represents a unique opportunity in the annals of collegiate drunk-hood. What would actually happen if you drank perpetually, 24 hours a day? (Alternately: What would it be like to go to Dartmouth?) Would you become a literary genius, like famed writer-drunks of yore? Would you be able to function at all? Resident dude-bros Mike and Will (spring semester seniors, post-thesis, of legal age and armed with two cases of Yuengling, a breathalyzer, laptop computers, and several digital recording devices) will be taking the beer-by-the-hour challenge and sloppily typing their findings here. Check in periodically for updates on the progress of their inebriation, featuring drunken class attendance, participation in a dodgeball tournament, a guide to the most scenic of beer-slamming Princeton locations and a whirlwind tour of the eating clubs in the evening. Says Mike,

Will and I are not alcoholics. We're journalists for a day. And that day happens to involve a lot of drinking.

After the jump: Brothers of the brewski introduce themselves, explain the rules of the game.

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Brown students really are the Ivy League's revolutionary vanguard. Yesterday, at a guest lecture by New York Times pseudo-journalist Thomas Friedman, two students accomplished their revolutionary duty: they pied Friedman in the face. One woman was caught by an intrepid professor, even as her male accomplice got away.

The Brown Daily Herald with the scoop:

At the same time the woman threw the pie, a male accomplice seated a few rows back ran down the aisle and onto the stage, throwing small pamphlets explaining the actions into the crowd. After the pie hit Friedman and splattered on his face and torso, the two jumped offstage and ran out of the southeast exit of the building, followed closely by a man trying to catch them. A police officer also ran toward the exit but stayed inside. The thrower was eventually caught by police, who detained her in Salomon's lobby before moving her elsewhere.

According to our commenters, "the pie thrower was Margaree Little '08, a transfer from Colby who is responsible for much of the pro-Palestinian activism at Brown." Pro-Palestinian views or not, the pamphlet thrown on the floor by the would-be revolutionaries does a pretty good job of justifying the pie-throwing, accusing Friedman of a "sickeningly cheery applaud for free market capitalism's conquest of the planet" and "for helping turn environmentalism into a fake plastic consumer product for the privileged."

After the jump: the aftermath, sort of.

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• rown: Thomas Friedman pied! Rogue individual as yet unknown. Would the mad pastry-flinger please come forward so we can give her a medal of valor?
• Columbia: Campus Dems wash a heap of dirty flags. Con: Flag desecration  Pro: Brighter whites
• Cornell: JYA in Jerusalem prompts revelation: Ithaca could use a better mall.
• Cornell: JYA in Cairo prompts revelation: Slavery sucks.
• Harvard: TV-transmitted disease afflicts sex columnists and annoying girls on blogspot.com
• Penn: "It might have slipped under the radar..." What planet does this girl live on? It was on CNN! And IvyGate.
• Yale: Shvarts-Embryo-Art project banned

Certain things: death, taxes, pre-frosh baring their innermost secrets on Faceook, never seem to get old. Remember back when the now-esteemed Class of 2011 discussed their favorite drinks with the world (consensus: beer is gross, but foreign beer is like okay)?

Well, members of the Class of 2012 are not so different than their intrepid predecessors: they still like to talk about how much they love mojitos and margaritas and that "jager = good taste" (!!!!) and that they hate beer because it "smells funny and looks kind of funny too."

Indeed, worried that Princeton is for squares, Mary-Jane Smith (what a clever pseudonym!) writes in:

I made a fake ID (ok, the name's really lame... whatever) Do a lot of people smoke weed? And since the 17- 19 preview is near 420, will there be a lot of smoking? Because personally I smoke at least once a week and I was wondering if anyone else at Princeton did the same...

Still the vast majority of the 2012's have moved on to a more important subject: themselves. They want to answer the most burning of questions: in this, the most competitive of all college seasons, how did they get in?  We'll let them tell you themselves:

You guys think you have tough choices! Ha! Listen to this... I got into Harvard, UPenn, Yale, Brown, CalTech, Stanford, MIT, and Dartmouth. Unfortunately, I somehow got denied from Cornell, which I really liked, but I was in all likelihood overqualified. This was unfortunate.

One Yalie on how "funny" life can be:

omg its so funny. like i got accepted here, but waitlisted at harvard and princeton. i mean what the fuck

After the jump: the academic records you never wanted to see.

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Ever wonder what Jesus would do if he went to Wharton? Well, thank G-d for Revisions, Princeton's "Journal of Christian Perspective," which explains the holy joy of i-banking:

One such way of directly glorifying God through finance is by imitating God's creativity. In Genesis, God instructs Adam to "be fruitful and increase in number" (Genesis 1:27, NIV). While it may be taking the passage out of context, God desires men to multiply not only their progeny, but also everything they own, including their financial resources.

Why sit around with just one golden calf when you could barter it for enough gold to make two more? You could even team up with a biology major and found a golden calf breeding center, and propagate a dazzling new race of diamond-encrusted cattle!

Of course, because we are not God, we cannot create ex nihilo like He does, fashioning something out of nothing. Rather, we always start with an initial quantity of resources which we then manipulate so as to add value to it. ...within finance, the work invovles creating more out of less, and is thereby a celebration of God's own creative work.

When I become a plastic surgeon and create D-cups where previously there had been only B's, I will remember this logic, and will thank the Lord for so inspiring me.

Other promising headlines from this month's Revisions: "Smiling Depression Away," "Has the Church Replaced Israel?" and "Why Do We Have to Die?" The more I look at it, though, the more I think their willingness to ask that last one in earnest is kind of awesome.

Good to know not every politically-minded youngster is afraid of negative press. Last Friday, George Krebs celebrated becoming president of the Columbia College Student Council with a champagne-soaked party. Bwog liveblogged the voting, results, and ensuing celebration in Krebs' dorm, featuring music like "Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangsta" and "We Are the Champions":

Krebs bounded down the Watt stairs and greeted us. "Thank you!" he yelled. He ran back up the stairs and slammed the door to his studio open. "WOOOOO!" he yelled. His party and their drunken cohorts yelled affirmatively, and responded with similar "WOOOOs."

A random drunken cohort held up a pinata shaped like a donkey. Krebs grabbed a broom out of absolutely nowhere and pounded the pinata. More "WOOOOs." Six Coors Lights fell out of the pinata and they were snatched up within seconds.

This is in keeping with Krebs' campaign promises:

"Nothing's off the record! Transparency!" They pointed at Bwog, who was timidly sitting on a couch. "TRANSPARENCY! WOOO," they continued.

When our generation to grows up and enters actual politics, the entire newscycle will explode from overabundance of digital image and disclosure.