A memo sent from Dartmouth Assistant Director of Admissions to student tour guides:

Date: 04 Apr 2008
From: Sarah M. Damerville
Subject: Tour Streaking – Please Read

Hi Everyone,

It has come to our attention that a few of you have had your tours “streaked” in the past few weeks. Yesterday, one of our admissions officers watched as a group of young men streaked through our 11:15 am tour at very close proximity. If this has happened to you, or if you know the students who are streaking our tours, please let me know so we can contact them.

While I am sure the streakers don’t intend to offend or harm anyone, they need to remember that we have a wide range of visitors to our campus, and prospective families (which often include both parents and significantly younger siblings) may be intimidated or offended by this behavior.

After the jump: The rest of the email, and Dartmouth embed Daniel Belkin (’08) takes an in-depth look Damerville’s dilemma and at his school’s storied traditions of public nudity and prank-ery.

Full anti-nudity email:

Date: 04 Apr 2008
From: Sarah M. Damerville
Subject: Tour Streaking – Please Read

Hi Everyone,

It has come to our attention that a few of you have had your tours “streaked” in the past few weeks. Yesterday, one of our admissions officers watched as a group of young men streaked through our 11:15 am tour at very close proximity. If this has happened to you, or if you know the students who are streaking our tours, please let me know so we can contact them.

While I am sure the streakers don’t intend to offend or harm anyone, they need to remember that we have a wide range of visitors to our campus, and prospective families (which often include both parents and significantly younger siblings) may be intimidated or offended by this behavior. If you have friends or acquaintances who have been streaking tours, please remind them that the college search process is a family affair, and even if prospective students can see the humor in this situation, their parents (who, in many cases, will be responsible for funding their College educations) may not see this behavior in the same way.

Thank you for your understanding and consideration in this matter.
__________________________
Sarah Damerville
Assistant Director of Admissions
Dartmouth College
Phone: 603.[redacted]

Back in fall 2006, taking a page out of the Kool-Aid Man‘s playbook, Keggy the Keg famously crashed an admissions tour at Dartmouth in an episode that that catapulted him into YouTube C-list celebrity stardom. But now, a much more primitive and raw collegiate ritual – the kind that would make Margaret Mead plotz – has stolen his thunder. The other day, a mandarin in the Dartmouth Admissions Office penned an e-mail to the College tour guides alerting them to several uninvited guests that have plagued recent tours: streakers. The message noted, “Yesterday, one of our admissions officers watched as a group of young men streaked through our 11:15 am tour at very close proximity.” The memo implored the guides to expose the identities of the naked ones to stop the madness. Think of the children!

To be sure, the Dean of Admissions likely has dispatched the finest sketch artists and forensic detectives at CSI: Hanover to track down these fugitive phalluses. Yet these male exhibitionists should not be shunned as aspiring To Catch a Predator starlets. On the contrary, braving the chilly breezes wafting over the Vermont hills (shrinkage), these daring naked dashers bare both their loins and their love for Dartmouth. If loving Dartmouth so much is wrong, then who wants to be right?

And streaking has a proud and storied past at the College with a history that dates back some 80 years. Among the more notorious escapades: General Electric CEO Jeffrey Immelt ’78 admitted to stealing a Christmas tree from the Hanover Inn while sporting his birthday suit back in his undergrad days. The legendary Ledyard Challenge, the veritable biathlon of streaking, dares students to swim across the Connecticut River into Vermont, where streaking is legal (surprise!), and then scurry across Ledyard Bridge back into the Granite State – all while naked.

Considering all this, it is doubtful that the tours were even the intended targets of the streakers. More likely, these undressed undergrads were simply on their way to their scheduled morning streaking and unfortunately collided with this unassuming tour. To be honest, these prospies and their parents were just innocent bystanders caught in the crossfire of cocks and buttocks.

With their unconventional “shock and awe” tactics, these streakers are giving the prospies a fleeting taste of college – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Before shelling out $160,000+, wannabe Dartmouth students and parents should realize what they are getting into. Take notice: If you want wholesome family friendly fun, then you should apply Early Decision to Brigham Young.

– Daniel Belkin ’08