The Batshittiest Columbia Spectator Column You Will Ever Read
Remember Columbia / Teachers Colllege Professor Madonna Constantine, she of the noose-hanging fame and plagiarism charges? Well, did she really do it? As for the noose, we’re not so sure. But what about the plagiarism? Yes, yes, yes she did! According to an outside report, Constantine stole work from no less than three different people in the past five years and did so in “numerous instances.”
Not so fast, says a truly insane column in today’s Spectator. According to a certain Anthony Kelley we can never really be sure:
No one aside from Teachers College Professor Madonna Constantine will ever know whether or not she actually committed plagiarism.The ultimate truth of a situation cannot be attained through investigations, especially when they are clouded with accusations of bias and prejudice.”
But can we ever even know that your name is Anthony Kelley, Anthony Kelley? What is truth, after all?
Kelley is “drawn to” the view that “these allegations of plagiarism… are continuations of the historical devaluation of black womanhood and should be recognized as such.”
Still, we’ve got to give Kelley some credit here. He is so academically open-minded that he’s willing to play devil’s advocate:
Let us assume for a moment that Professor Constantine plagiarized the work of others. Instead of punishing (or “sanctioning”) her, we should be making special efforts to extend compassion to her and those who feel wounded as a result of her actions. We should be having community dialogues to emphasize the importance of academic honesty.”
In this perfect world Kelley imagines, you can steal your friends’ academic work so long as you’re willing to sit around a campfire and “talk” about it at some later point.
After the jump: more insanity.
We do not know whether or not Professor Constantine committed plagiarism. Neither do we know her motivations if she did indeed plagiarize. Nonetheless, we should have fewer conversations about punishment and more conversations about redemption and healing. Only after constructive dialogue can we even begin to discuss “punishment” or “sanctions.”
Imagine a forum in which Professor Constantine and her accusers engage in the life-sustaining practice of dialogue, actively listening to each other’s concerns and extending heart-felt compassion in understanding each other’s pain. Imagine the reconciliation that could arise from such a space. Imagine the impact such a forum would have on our community. Instead of just giving lip-service to the idea of dialogue, we would be demonstrating its importance and effectiveness, even when it is difficult and uncomfortable. Imagine an end to the lies. Imagine embracing truth. Imagine healing.”
Remember that time I stole my friend’s thesis? I talked to him – and the Honor Committee, who were all set on expelling me – about “healing” for a little bit, and they cried with me and we laughed together a bit and then it was all forgotten! That’s like, what academia is all about!
In the meantime, left-leaning though I am, I’m going to sign up for the Dartmouth Review. These Columbia leftists are really getting on my nerves.
