We did a mini-post yesterday on the NYT article “Students of Virginity” featuring Harvard’s True Love Revolution, Lena Chen stuffing her face with ginger cake, and our own esteemed IvyGate commenters. Today we considered writing a lengthier post deconstructing the article blow-by-(not that kind of)-blow, but then we thought, why rush this? If we’ve learned one thing from TLR it’s the value of “taking it slow.” So instead we will deal with this in painstakingly small increments, gradually, pleasurably, one baby-sized scrap of hilarity at a time. Now presenting hilarious scrap #1: TLR co-president Leo Keliher (’09) in one of the more glorious photo/caption combos of our time:
 

Is that even a dorm room, or did he import a 12C monastery to sleep in? Leo’s 15 minutes of rather embarassing fame after the jump.

Now, we do have sympathy for Leo, given that his childhood souds pretty awful (father imprisoned for molestation, runaway step-dad, etc.). So nobody make pederast jokes because it’s extra-inappropriate and even grosser than usual in this context.

But you know what’s also kinda gross? The bodice-ripping romance novel Leo appears to be composing as he extols the virtues of chastity.

He described the act he has never experienced as something “breathtakingly powerful” that “lights all of your body on fire.” He spoke of his lust as “this untamed beast.”

Fredell was incredulous: “Leo said that?”

He told me that he struggles constantly against “physical lustful temptation” – that he can be aroused just by a woman’s touch, by even a look at a woman or at a photo or sometimes by “thoughts that just come out of the blue – basically pornography in my head.” They come to him when he’s merely walking around campus, or even when he’s alone in the library – “like a fly buzzing around.”

To the matter of masturbation, he said, “This was really tough for me . . . because when you have a habit that’s so deeply ingrained, it’s hard to stop.”

 Oh, Leo. Oh, Leo, Leo, Leo. Our pity for you is rivalled only by our pity for the girl you describe here:

When he finds himself aroused these days, he endures it and waits for it to pass. In this way, he said he has “matured out of that more infantile need for a woman into a recognition of self-sufficiency.” But some women, Keliher granted, continue to give him trouble.

One of these is a freshman – “a very gentle, caring soul,” he said, who “works with little kids and stuff.” Keliher can’t help thinking about her glossy hair and beautiful skin.

How much you want to bet some freshman chick filed a restraining order against this guy today? Leo’s co-president, the clearly more PR-savvy Janie Fredell might want to consider distancing herself from Keliher, too:

Another appears to be Janie Fredell. Keliher smiled and said he was “a little bit” attracted to her – “in very superficial ways,” he added. “It’s something we laugh about – if we dated.”

But Fredell did not laugh. “No!” she erupted, and with increasing volume, “No! No! No! I can’t emphasize enough that there is nothing between me and Leo! It’s just that we’re not compatible in that regard.”

Oh, Leo. We continue to shake our heads in chagrined pity.