The War on Fun: Which Ivy Parties Hardest? And Which Ivy Gets Caught Partying Hardest?

The War on Fun: Which Ivy Parties Hardest? And Which Ivy Gets Caught Partying Hardest?

Joe’s Dartblog has some very interesting statistics posted about alcohol and drug infractions across the Ivy League. We don’t know where on Earth these stats came from, but we’re going to give Joe the benefit of the doubt. And so we can finally answer the perennial question: do Dartmouth students really party harder? Or is the Dartmouth administration just better at prosecuting their draconian and never-ending War on Fun?

Between 2004 and 2006, Dartmouth students were about fifteen times more likely to get caught with alcohol than their peers at Penn. With an average of 52 infractions per thousand students, the average Dartmouth beer-guzzler has an over 5% chance of getting written up in a given year.  Dartmouth students were also two and a half times more likely to get an alcohol infraction than those who attended the school with the second highest infraction rate -  Cornell.

Brown students were cited at a rate of 14.7 per 1,000, Harvard at 12.3, Yale at 8.8, Princeton at 4.4, and Columbia at 3.7.

Joe astutely recognizes two possible scenarios that might explain the numbers:

1. Dartmouth students drink radically more than the Ivy League average; or,

2. The Dartmouth administration is at war with its students and enforces the alcohol laws with incomparable harshness.”

After the jump: drug infractions by school.


When we look at the number of drug-related citations, though, conventional wisdom goes out the window. Dartmouth – not exactly the Ivy epicenter of shroomers and potheads (we’re looking at you, Brown) – also has the highest number of drug infractions, 6.0 per thousand students. Princeton and Cornell – not exactly drug havens – have the second and third highest number of drug infractions per thousand students, 3.4 and 3.2 respectively. Brown’s rate is just 2.2. The only explanation is that these numbers don’t match up with alcohol and drug use – instead, they correlate with alcohol and drug enforcement.

It looks like both Fun and the War on Fun began at Dartmouth. And watch out, Ivies: the War on Fun is spreading. So here’s a plea: why can’t we rail some lines, smoke some bowls, trip some shrooms, and guzzle our beer in peace?

You can download Dartblog’s excellent Excel file (look at that alliteration!) with the full stats here.

  • dmouth09

    Yeah, Dartmouth is basically a lot of Keystone Light (the larget distributor of Keystone Light in the nation is Jack Stinson in Hanover), but still in large quantities because of all the pong. The drinking culture really makes much more sense if you’ve been to Hanover, since then you know that there is NOTHING to do once you leave campus.

  • dmouth09

    Yeah, Dartmouth is basically a lot of Keystone Light (the larget distributor of Keystone Light in the nation is Jack Stinson in Hanover), but still in large quantities because of all the pong. The drinking culture really makes much more sense if you’ve been to Hanover, since then you know that there is NOTHING to do once you leave campus.

  • elise

    @hmmph: Don’t kid yourself, Penn kids don’t have trust funds. That’s why you’re at Penn.

    — two years late

  • elise

    @hmmph: Don’t kid yourself, Penn kids don’t have trust funds. That’s why you’re at Penn.

    — two years late

  • ____

    makes a lot of sense elise seeing as how penn is the school thats produced the 3rd most billionaires behind harvard and stanford.

  • ____

    makes a lot of sense elise seeing as how penn is the school thats produced the 3rd most billionaires behind harvard and stanford.

  • Lehigh 07′ Cornell GradSch

    This is like debating on who is the smartest kid on the short bus.

  • Lehigh 07′ Cornell GradSch

    This is like debating on who is the smartest kid on the short bus.

  • http://www.optocoupler.org/ Colton Diaz

    it is quite difficult to recover from Alcohol Abuse because alcohol is also very addictive just like Cigarettes and drugs.’-.

  • http://www.optocoupler.org Colton Diaz

    it is quite difficult to recover from Alcohol Abuse because alcohol is also very addictive just like Cigarettes and drugs.’-.