Blitz Clamantis: Dartmouth Confines Love, Angst, Grief to Online Communication
Every time we publish an article about Dartmouth, we remember how totally foreign and strange the nothernmost Ivy is. Luckily, our resident Dartmouthian Ben O’Donnell is here to translate and elucidate — this time, on “blitzing,” which is Dartmouth for “email.”
When Dartmouth was founded in whenever, most people were not using email yet, but the technology was gradually becoming familiar, especially amongst teen-agers and other ne’er-do-wells. But when the Rev. Eleazar Wheelock, our well-intentioned-but-emotionally-distant father, was laying the foundations for Dartmouth’s communications infrastructure, he thought the term “email” didn’t have enough of what they called in the ad industry “zazzmatazz” (he was formerly in the ad industry).
And thus, with the 18-22 demographic in mind, he created the more marketable (until WWII) BlitzMail, Dartmouth’s beloved email client.
How is it different than regular email, skeptics wonder. It’s just better! we respond, red in the face. Indeed, it is less the program itself than its entrenchment in our culture that is remarkable. Many students use BlitzMail like Instant Messenger, sending “blitzes” back and forth in seconds. Most students rarely communicate via cell phone, at least not with other members of the Dartmouth community-until quite recently, it was even stigmatized.
And perhaps most importantly, with BlitzMail, those uncomfortable “sober interactions” between students, which plague most college campuses, are all but eliminated at Dartmouth.
After the jump, just a few of the ways in which Blitz reduces people to types.
The My-Frat-Brothers-You-Simply-Must-See-This-Link Blitz
Date: 6 Feb 2008 18:34:52 -0500
From: Benjamin E. O’Donnell
Subject: rediculous
To: [frat]yo, this is rediculous. this link is exactly like [a slang word we use to describe volume-forced vomiting/something bro makowski did to that broad last weekend/kitty cannon/maxine hong kingston's woman warrior].
http://www.collegehumor.wikipedia.youtube.youporn.facebook.hotwheels.badgerbadgerbadger.com/
The Morning-After Blitz
Date: 6 Feb 2008 18:34:52 -0500
From: Benjamin E. O’Donnell
Subject: hey
To: Bettina Q. Willishey
i had a great time last night when we were really drunk. i hope you did too! lol i hope this is the right bettina and not some other bettina i didnt make out with. sorry for yelling at your roommate and also for peeing in your bed.
hope to see you around soon (but not today).
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
-Ben
The Lost Jacket Blitz
Date: 6 Feb 2008 18:34:52 -0500
From: Benjamin E. O’Donnell
Subject: THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BUILDING
To: (Recipient list suppressed) [every single person on campus]lol so now that i have your attention, sorry to be “that guy” who blitzes out about losing his jacket. i know i fucking hate it when people do that! but i’m doing it anyway!
let me tell you the entire story of my night. first I began at AD. but then i went to theta delt! and then to chi gam! and then to food court! i sort of remember being at the shattuck observatory also!
my jacket is a black northface. i definitely left it at one of those places, or another place on campus. i will pay you a $5 reward if you find it, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. lol i know you didn’t steal it on purpose!
*~*Ben*~*
The Sorry-I-Missed-Class Blitz
Date: 24 Nov 2007 18:34:52 -0500
From: Benjamin E. O’Donnell
Subject: Class Today
To: Peter M. Smithwick-LorringtonDear Professor Smithwick-Lorrington,
I apologize profusely for missing “Jews and Cyber-culture” again. [I hurt my foot/I had this really disturbing dream/I was waiting on the paternity test/I was this close to beating "Texas Flood" on Expert.]
It continues to be a testament to your generosity and piety that you have not expelled me from the seminar.
God, I am so sorry.
Sorrily yours,
-Benjamin
The Party Is Tonight Blitz
Date: 6 Feb 2008 18:34:52 -0500
From: Benjamin E. O’Donnell
Subject: Party at [My Frat/Off-Campus House] Tonight!
To: (Recipient list suppressed)*drinking*drinking*drinking*drinking*drinking*drinking*drinking*drinking*drinking*
DRINKING TONIGHT @ [MY FRAT/OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE]
DJ L-Sat will be spinning the hottest mixes!
Kegs of Keystone Light
11PM – 3AMYou don’t want to get hung up on how the fraternity system commodifies women, like all those humorless feminists do, do you?
Just come get drunk and dance with as many boys as you can!
*validation*validation*validation*validation*validation*validation*validation*
The Blitzjack (In Which a So-called Friend Gets on Your Computer and Sends a Blitz from Your Account)
Date: 24 Nov 2007 18:34:52 -0500
From: Benjamin E. O’Donnell
Subject: important
To: [everyone]i never stopped listening to good charlotte.
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February 6th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
This was… this was brilliant. I laughed so hard that I lost a tooth. Sometimes I loose teeth.
February 6th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
I have every single Black Northface Jacket in my closet.
February 6th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
DJ L-Sat? HAHAHAHAHA
February 6th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
“Most students rarely communicate via cell phone, at least not with other members of the Dartmouth community—until quite recently, it was even stigmatized.”
Indeed. There’s a legendary story of one evening in the Collis TV room where a senior girl, upon seeing a freshman answer a cell phone, walked over, grabbed the phone, smacked him in the face, and yelled, “YOU’RE DISRESPECTING BLITZ!”
February 6th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Spot on
February 6th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Spot on, haha.
February 6th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Spot on, haha.
February 6th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
This is non-news.
February 6th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
@another D’10: What an insightful observation.
February 6th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
explain how this is different than using e-mail at another college?
please someone. i don’t get it.
February 6th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Blitzmail is to email what email is to the pony express. That’s how it’s different.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
@ columbia ‘07
blitz is like a combo of e-mail and aim. but it’s mostly different from regular e-mail b/c of how people use it… they check multiple times a day/hour, and sometimes reply imediately after you blitz them. sometimes profs will even blitz you in the morning before class to cancel class or change a room location and expect you to get the blitz. If you blitz someone and they do not respond within at least 24 hours it means they got it, saw it, and are ignoring you…
Blitz is just a more important part of the culture @ Dartmouth than e-mail seems to be @ other schools. Also, when it comes down to it, Dartmouth kids like blitz! we think it’s cool/ fun- how could you not?!
February 6th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
thanks for the explanation d ‘08 but i still don’t see the different. i thought the same rules of e-mail were now universally accepted, ie you can’t say you ‘lost’ an e-mail because that never happens or can’t say, i don’t check my e-mail often. unless you are old and senile.
seems like the same thing to me.
February 6th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
As people have said a million times, it is the same. We just use it different.
February 6th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
The difference lies in the fact that blitz is received instantaneously (real-time) as opposed to having users refresh/reload an inbox. If you don’t have Blitzmail focused on your screen, you’ll get a popup that lets you know a message has been received or a bulletin has been posted. This is conducive to IM-style conversations. A lot of it also has to do with the culture surrounding it and the fact that it is essential both socially and academically (ie. universal usage, blitz terminals around campus, replaces cell phones, and so on). Hopefully that makes more sense.
February 6th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
uhh… ever heard of gmail? same thing, but instead of just dartmouthians thinking they’re different… anyone in the world can use it for free, with unlimited storage.
and… blitz terminals? who the fup cares… if you have blitz terminals why not just have all-access internet at those terminals so people can check whatever email they prefer?
blitzmail = instant email = gmail
A = A = A
February 6th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
&@ whoever
well we’ve tried to explain but clearly you choose not to understand. oh well.
February 6th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
@ columbia ‘07
so I’ve had it wrong the entire time I’ve been in school, and I really should be offended that my friends @ columbia don’t answer my blitzes within a few hours of my sending them, like my friends @ dartmouth do? I thought I should go easy on them b/c you were just all a bit slower w/ e-mail over there…
February 6th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
this was spot on. well done.
anyhow, to all the non-d-whatevers, blitz is email, with pop-up notify’s, and we use it as AIM/texting/calls. There are millions of computers–blitz terminals–everywhere so you can check every couple of minutes if your addiction dictates so. it’s just our main form of communication. that’s all.
and blitz terminals DO have every other internet/computer capacity as well. we just prefer to use our blitz instead of gmail. understand?
February 6th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
@D – gmail is web-based, runs in a browser, and an ajax script periodically quieries for updated messages maybe every minute. The Blitzmail notifier is a background process that maintains a continuous connection to the a blitz server and delivers notifications integrated into the (Windows/OSX/Linux) environment. Not to mention a whole bunch of other things like bulletin, nicknames, and inferred completion of recipient addresses. Of course it’s LIKE gmail in some capacity, but it’s not the same as gmail. Also, blitz terminals ARE all-access internet terminals, word processing terminals, etc. A != B
February 7th, 2008 at 12:03 am
This doesn’t seem any different from the way people use panlists here at Yale. But okay, continue to think you’re special. :P
The cell phone stigmatization is very strange. Hearing peoples’ voices is actually a good thing. :P
February 7th, 2008 at 1:01 am
It is actually the Dartmouth Name Directory (DND) that makes Blitz so special. The DND enables users to create their own nicknames/aliases and then use these login and set as reply-to, etc. That combined what “@@D” said about the continuous connection makes a pretty decent mail system that has continued to for Dartmouth, DHMC (Hospital), the Alums, and several other institutions since 1988.
February 7th, 2008 at 2:07 am
yes. you should get offended. if your friends at columbia don’t answer you within 4 to 6 hrs they really don’t care. anything longer than a day, and they wish you would just go away. sorry to break it to you.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:19 am
It is actually the Dartmouth Name Directory (DND) that makes Blitz so special. The DND enables users to create their own nicknames/aliases and then use these login and set as reply-to, etc. That combined what “@@D” said about the continuous connection makes a pretty decent mail system that has continued to for Dartmouth, DHMC (Hospital), the Alums, and several other institutions since 1988.
February 7th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Is this really worthy of posting? Ivy Gate has been lame for like 6 months now… We don’t give a fuck how d emails.
February 7th, 2008 at 11:49 am
@P: You’re wrong. No publication is truly a publication without a dissection of blitz culture.
February 7th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
What makes blitz special is that Dartmouth students have been sending messages like this for about 20 years. Did I just date myself?
February 7th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Is this the special “panlist” that you and harvard put up with?
http://pantheon.yale.edu/help/connect/osx.html
1. Ugly, 2. ugly, 3. 1985, 4. No organization, 5. Crap.
February 7th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Ugh. I can’t stand Yale’s email system. It’s all web-based and terribly, terribly slow. I miss my blitz.
February 7th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
@@TKB: panlists are just distribution lists. The screenshot you linked to is the SSH interface for Yale’s email system which only very perverted people ever use. The main system, as dartmouth mentioned, is web-based (IMP) and kind of atrocious, which is the reason why a lot of Yalies just switched over to Gmail completely.
There was some talk last year about outsourcing Yale’s email systems to either Google or Microsoft, but I don’t think anything was ever done on that front, probably because of privacy concerns.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
finally, Maureen wrote something decent.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
isn’t dartmouth the least serious ivy?
February 7th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Soo…..it’s like a Blackberry, but less portable?
Sounds like a winner
February 8th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Spot on, anonymous_blitz_lover re: DND. It used to be that Dartmouth students didn’t even know they had email addresses because none of the schools where their friends attended had convenient or widespread email, and all of their blitzing was internal. With the DND behind the scenes, students just addressed their blitzes “keggy” or “jake mitchell” or (for someone with a really common name) “john smith 91″ and the system figured it out. What’s all this crazy cap-sensitive, no-space, “at”-symbol stuff?
Blitz is better than gmail because Google didn’t exist in the late eighties, when Blitz was already in massive use.
In four years in the early nineties I can only remember someone using a cell phone once. She was a transfer and, judging by the content of her conversation, a shallow idiot. Too bad the anti-phone bias has died.
February 9th, 2008 at 1:58 am
yeah… whenever I see an ‘11 using a cellphone in a basement, a little bit of my soul dies.
February 9th, 2008 at 2:01 am
yeah… whenever I see an ‘11 using a cellphone in a basement, a little bit of my soul dies.
Love,
Dart08
February 9th, 2008 at 2:03 am
yeah… whenever I see an ‘11 using a cellphone in a basement, a little bit of my soul dies.
Love,
Dart08
February 9th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Blitz predates gmail. Some of the gmail developers went to dartmouth and thats why there are a lot of similar elements. Blitz is special because it is a ridiculous fast email system that was being used by dartmouth students way before gmail and aim and all that crap became popular.
February 15th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
So Dartmouth students email with more frequency and rapidity than other college students?
CONGRATS!
February 15th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
SO Dartmouth students email with more frequency and rapidity than other college students?
CONGRATS!
February 22nd, 2008 at 3:30 am
stop double posting!
stop double posting!