“Murky Depths of My Vag”: Jenna B. is the new Lena Chen, but anonymous and extra-icky
Looking to fill the void in your voyeuristic reading routine now that Sex and the Ivy is gone? The Cornell Sun would like you to meet "Jenna B.," their anonymous biweekly sex columnist:
Twentyish dudes ago ... my first sexual endeavor concluded with a condom floating around lost inside my body for two days.
Thinking back to the glorious moment when the rubbery, slimy souvenir surfaced from the murky depths of my vag a couple of mornings after the incident (putting a stop to the nightmares in which I gave birth to a baby who had this condom growing out of its face in place of a nose), I wish I'd had the presence of mind to throw the thing in a jar and save it. ... On second thought, I'm glad I didn't save it; it was kind of stinky.
Is that even possible? Superhuman physical feats aside, Jenna B. has hopped on the latest of Ivy daily trends: Uncomfortably vivid and rhapsodically grotesque descriptions of vaginas. You could make a whole college tour out of various campuses' vagina metaphors of choice! Yale likes its pie served with papayas, while Dartmouth dines on sugarbush, and Cornell... well...
When you have sex, air gets pushed up into the honey pot and little pockets of it sometimes get trapped up there. As we learned from the lost condom, what goes up must come out. In the case of a queef, the air makes an exquisite Whoopie Cushion sort of noise when it exits the juicer. The air is completely fragrance-free, so you and your partner can have a nice little laugh about it.
Now, why would a writer want anonymity for that?
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January 31st, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Please, Maureen, don’t be such a prude.
January 31st, 2008 at 12:21 pm
This girl is awesome
January 31st, 2008 at 12:22 pm
So I fucked twenty girls, and didn’t even think to wash my penis for days. It wasn’t until I tried to pee, and realized that my urethra was blocked by a plug of dried-up vaginal crust, that I thought to clean myself. I’m awesome. Give me a column.
January 31st, 2008 at 12:37 pm
get rid of the link to the Nass! the website hasn’t been updated in months and it’s clearly only here because Hal and Jacob are shitfuckers.
January 31st, 2008 at 1:43 pm
yo i actually met this chick a few times. she’s pretty cool in real life and actually talks like that in normal conversations. shes nice, doesn’t act like a jap like the rest of the sluts at cornell. and also she has really white teeth.
January 31st, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Actually, she’s a) a great writer b) hysterical and c) really informative in not a boring way. So what’s not to like? Yeah, the topic’s a little squeamish, but fratire mocks it all the time; why are we so against girls with strong senses of humor?
January 31st, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Hysterical does not mean funny and cannot be substituted for hilarious.
January 31st, 2008 at 5:07 pm
shes in kappa delta. ugly
January 31st, 2008 at 5:40 pm
she’s very funny and self-aware which is way more than what can be said for most college writers.
January 31st, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Oh man, when I read this in the Sun I was wondering if IvyGate realized that it’s WAY better than that lame article about slang. Good for Jenna, guy talk about their man parts all the time, and just cuz you can’t see it doesn’t mean you should be afraid of it. Gosh.
January 31st, 2008 at 8:09 pm
why would ivygate need to compare another sex columnist to lena chen? SO creative and insightful. jenna b AND aurora wells deserve much better reviews than this.
January 31st, 2008 at 8:28 pm
She had me at “wrinklebeast”.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:47 am
“I’m a big slut with an over-inflated ego and sense of how hot I am because Ivy guys are desperate. Now I’m going to talk about my vagina and all the penises that have gone into it in the most disgusting way possible. I’m proud I’ve slept with more guys, and often girls, than others, and that makes me a strong woman!”
I think that about covers it.
February 9th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
there really is no wonder that girl hasn’t been asked out because those snippets are among the most wretched things i have ever read.
March 5th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Jenna Bromberg: she has a blog, and her dad owns and/or runs Sobe.
Regardless of writing skills (perceived or real), she’s in KD. End of story. Y’all should do a story about Cornell’s Greek scene if you haven’t already. Then you’d understand the social death sentence that is KD.