Every exam period we at IvyGate thank our lucky stars we do not go to Harvard, where repressed smart kids like to let loose and run nude and have sex in the streets, or something, as part of the strange ritual known as Primal Scream. But just because we don't want to see it doesn't mean we don't hear about it. IvyGate operative Alterrell Mills watched his peers frolic in their skivvies and wrote in.

Primal Scream. Smart people running wildly. Idiots frolicking in the cold. Call it what you will, but one thing that was different about this year's merriment to mark the end of reading period and the start of exams was that it came too soon. Starting about seven minutes or so early, breaking with the traditional kick-off occurring at midnight, the first of the naked future Bill Gateses ran their glorious lap around Harvard Yard. Notable appearances for the cold-shrinking time included athletes, hairy guys, fat guys …and a surprising amount of girls! I'd put the count of females at about 30% depending on President Faust's inclusion, a rarity for the usual pre-exam sausage fest.

Per usual, some Harvard students decide to do things "differently." Three girls, probably freshman, ran hand in hand, their intimates purple. Does purple come out with laundry detergent in those kinds of places? The highlight was when one of the girls fell and looked as if she was going to vomit, before her two naked friends lifted her back up from the ground. None of the guys running past her thought to help her, but happily ran past as the audience (yeah it was a show, the admission to get in was the shame in seeing your resident tutors observing alongside you) just laughed. The only thing to top this girl's performance was that of a wheelchair-bound student who rolled his way around the Yard.

Crimson came a second time at midnight. Though less primal than the first wave, the second wave had more fur than the last. Fur is the new waxed? On the note of fashion, there were a lot of ties worn as "belts" for the "pants" that most of the runners were not wearing. Call it Harvard's perversion of business casual.  The last runner, more of a strutting peacock, proudly adorned his body with "Vote Hillary Clinton '08." I'm starting to think that Obama may be the better candidate if this is what Hillary is offering. Perhaps he is a good billboard for Clinton as the only thing he roused in the crowd was a general consensus: lack of sex appeal.

One ecstatic runner, "Ty," was more than willing to grant me an inside look into what makes her goal of running eight of out eight primal screams while an undergraduate at Harvard.

AM: This is for IvyGate
Ty: Oh,  I don't care if you use my name.  I've already told me family my goal is 8/8.

AM: What made you want to run primal scream?
Ty: I wanted to run primal scream mostly because it's fun to be naked.  There's also this crazy sense of camaraderie when a hundred students are jumping around and chanting in their birthday suits. Not to mention, it's awesome to see all these sexually repressed Harvard students actually letting loose for one night. And finally, I want to be able to say I've run all eight primal screams by the time I graduate.  I'm three for three so far.

AM: Where you surprised at how many girls ran this year, compared to last?
Ty: There was so little time to look around and see who's naked, especially because the freshman fucked it up and started running five minutes too early.  Were there significantly more girls this year than last?

AM: I thought so, but then again I could have just been looking for more.
Ty: I actually did notice more girls in front of and behind me while I was running, but I chalked it up to timing.  It's always fantastic to see other girls running since we're in the minority out there.  I think girls are worried about being objectified by horny freshmen and Asian tourists, but it's all just in good fun.  There's nothing sexual about primal scream….Well, except the obvious public displays.

AM: How does it feel to know that you may have seen the next Mark Zuckerberg, Harvey Mansfield or president of the US in all of their glory?
Ty: I'd say it feels pretty good to know you're running naked with the best of the best.

--ALTERRELL MILLS