BREAKING NEWS: VAYNER’S BACK!

BREAKING NEWS: VAYNER'S BACK!

Aleksey Vayner — batshit megalomaniac, irrepressible fabulist, and mighty douchebag of legend — is baaaack. And he’s learned nothing. If you visit his website directly (www.alekseyvayner.com), there’s nothing to see, but click the directory “test,” and you’re granted access to the innermost scheming of Vayner’s non-existent soul. It appears to be a terrible rough draft of something possibly even more terrible.

What do you do after you become an internet phenom, subject to interweb-wide flogging and public humiliation? If you’re Vayner, you proceed as though basically nothing has happened. You insist on the genius of the “Impossible is Nothing” video by disregarding the “mockery” from the “the kids in the bloggosphere [sic]” and claiming the just fruits of “international publicity” for having “created a marketing peace [yes, that's another sic] of himself.” 

The website’s main point is ostensibly to promote Vayner’s (theoretically) forthcoming book Millionaires’ Blueprint to Success (remember his previously forthcoming book? His Holocaust memoir?). Suspiciously, the cover is almost an exact copy of the similarly titled Secrets of the Millionaire’s Mind by T. Harv Eker. I’m sure the contents are totally different though. Is this kid retarded?

Also, a tipster notes certain design similarities between Vayner’s website and Tim Ferriss’s website, mutual douchebaggery aside (check out the buttons). Of course much of the website is unfinished — “Comming soon [sic]” is plastered all over the place. Is this website fake? It could be, but we don’t think so. The site’s frequent and amusing deficiencies of language are consistent with Vayner’s poor grasp of English. It’s just over-the-top enough to be Vayner and just restrained enough to hint at lessons still unlearned. It’s also registered in his name.

After the jump — choice excerpts from Vayner’s totally modest and not-obviously-made-up life-story (“Aleksey Vayner’s story is one of discipline and perseverance thought the hardships of immigration”), a damning cover comparison between Millionaires’ Blueprint to Success and Secrets of the Millionaire’s Mind, and a few screen-shots for good measure.

Here are the respective covers of The Millionaires’ Blueprint to Success and Secrets of the Millionaire’s Mind. Are they the same? You be the judge. (Nah, just kidding, I’m the judge, and they’re almost identical!)

BREAKING NEWS: VAYNER'S BACK!BREAKING NEWS: VAYNER'S BACK! 

From Aleksey’s self-ghostwritten biography:

Aleksey Vayner first received international publicity as a student at Yale University when he created a marketing peace of himself – a video, titled Impossible is Nothing, where he summed up his view on ‘success’ and showcased some of his athletic pursuits. He received his share of mockery from kids in the bloggosphere, but more notably, was featured in NY Times, interviewed by Yale herald, and appeared on MsNBC News and 20/20. CBS News’ The Early Show segment on video resumes, Video Resumes Get The Job Done, credited Aleksey Vayner for opening people’s eyes to the idea, “creating a more powerful, authentic method to connect with a potential employer,” and potentially making the 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper an “endangered species.”

Yeah that’s the ticket — “creating a more, powerful, authentic method” to embarass yourself in front of tens of millions of people…

The early years:

The youngest of three siblings, Aleksey is born in Tashkent, Uzbekistan to Ph.D. parents. His father, abusive to the family, indulges in hobbies that included professional rock climbing, Olympic-level swimming, and skiing. “From a very early age I followed suit, climbing a lot, and spending winters skiing – training under his friend who was even better at skiing,” says Aleksey. The abuse of the father does not last, and to cope with the impending divorce Aleksey’s mother proceeds to occupy his mind and time with every extra-curricular activity possible; soccer, swimming, ping-pong, skiing, martial arts, tennis – you name it; Aleksey sticks with the later three. His tennis coach suggests he plays a soccer goalie because Aleksey cannot run.”

This stuff about the “abuse of the father” is extremely interesting (both grammatically and psychologically), as is his mother’s attempt to occupy young Aleksey with a overwhelming range of activities in order to “cope with the impending divorce.” Is this the root of Vayner’s pathology? Is his insecurity over an absent father the cause of his obsessional compulsion to create a mythology around himself? — around his de facto bastardy? Is his father’s lack of validation why Aleksey is continually driven to secure it from others, going to outlandish lengths to do so (video, resume, book, website)? Hey Dad, look at me, you can come back now (?).

On coming to America: 

Leaving Tashkent we each had a bag of clothing, but mine was stolen out of our cabin on our way to Moscow,” explains Aleksey. Furnishing their subbasement room, clothing and feeding himself from the garbage heaps marked his new life in America. “I remember the first New Year we had in the U.S. We had 4 large ripe oranges on the table that my mom found on the site of a street – nothing else. A series of events and humiliation that I felt for my mom and sis as the result of such poverty made me vow that we will never experience such financial strain ever again. Obsessed with the lifestyle of the affluent businessmen and professional athletes, Aleksey begins to study in detail what they do and how they do it.”

What the hell? Four large ripe oranges? Food from a garbage heap? A “subbasement”? Is that even a thing? Also, isn’t this basically the plot of Gone With the Wind with a little Great Gatsby thrown in for good measure?

Some Yale memories:

Aleksey Vayner is recruited to Ivy Leagues, of which he chooses Yale University. During freshman year he recalls nearly failing introductory macroeconomics because he was up for 3 days developing a high probability derivative strategy based off of the Black-Scholles options pricing model. “It was crazy, I could really create options spreads to hit the wings of the bell, and take profits with an average probability of 96%!”

Yeah, that sounds really crazy. Can someone who knows economics tell us if this is BS?

The present:

While at Yale University Aleksey picked up ballroom dancing and weight lifting, but maintained his focus on his core sports, and his extracurricular studies of investment management and personal development. By graduation he has competed in ballroom, leg pressed 1650lbs, bench pressed 520lbs, started 3 businesses and a non-profit organization. Aleksey Vayner is a registered investment advisor with Securities and Exchange Commission. He is pending Certified Financial Planner and Certified Financial Analyst certifications. Aleksey is a member of USTA, ISBDF, ADFPF, SCIP, National Association of Public Speakers, and National Writers Association.”

Questions? Comments? Aleksey’s a busy man, but feel free:

Before contacting me, please check out my blog. It is likely that your question has been answered in one of the entries. If that is not the case, you can send an email to askaleksey@alekseyvayner.com. The more constructive the inquiry, the more likely it is to be forwarded to me directly by the site administrator. I can’t always respond to questions personally (though at times I do)…let alone in a timely fashion -but a frequently asked question is likely to appear in my blog entry.

Unfortunately, as he’s already a millionaire and an insane person, Aleksey probably doesn’t have time for you.

Here’s a screenshot of his homepage, here’s one of his (auto)biography, and here’s his very special contact info. The last lists Christian P. Stueben as the contact for inquiries regarding the video “Impossible is Nothing.” Is this Aleksey’s agent? High-powered lawyer? Not exactly. According to FindLaw, Christian P. Stueben is a personal-injury attorney based in Fort Lee, NJ.

  • yale

    and how has no one extensively commented on his TERRIBLE grammar? furthermore, it says that he is a “pending Certified Financial Analyst”. To get your CFA, it takes 3 years of rigorous study and 1 test per year. If you are enrolled in the program, it isn’t “pending”. Plus, there is no way he could have gotten his CFA while also studying at Yale. I don’t even think he actually graduated, I’m pretty sure he took a leave of absence.

  • yale

    and how has no one extensively commented on his TERRIBLE grammar? furthermore, it says that he is a “pending Certified Financial Analyst”. To get your CFA, it takes 3 years of rigorous study and 1 test per year. If you are enrolled in the program, it isn’t “pending”. Plus, there is no way he could have gotten his CFA while also studying at Yale. I don’t even think he actually graduated, I’m pretty sure he took a leave of absence.

  • Y 07

    He did graduate, though also took a leave of absence after his freshman year.

  • Y 07

    He did graduate, though also took a leave of absence after his freshman year.

  • vox

    This douche ought to hire John Fitzgerald Page as his PR guy.

  • vox

    This douche ought to hire John Fitzgerald Page as his PR guy.

  • ivyrumors

    The whole webpage looks like a hoax/parody. The biography is unmistakably sarcastic.

  • ivyrumors

    The whole webpage looks like a hoax/parody. The biography is unmistakably sarcastic.

  • D’04

    If y’all could report on Larry David’s visit to Dartmouth, it would be appreciated.

  • D’04

    If y’all could report on Larry David’s visit to Dartmouth, it would be appreciated.

  • larryyyyyyyyyyyyy

    david

  • larryyyyyyyyyyyyy

    david

  • Joe

    Vayner should try scientology

  • Joe

    Vayner should try scientology

  • yale

    or heaven’s gate

  • yale

    or heaven’s gate

  • concerned hater

    How often do you want to kill a co-worker?

    Never. I’m as calm as a Hindu cow.

    More than twice a week

    Every workday
    ???????????????????????? whaaaat…

  • concerned hater

    How often do you want to kill a co-worker?

    Never. I’m as calm as a Hindu cow.

    More than twice a week

    Every workday
    ???????????????????????? whaaaat…

  • d09

    I think my eyes are bleeding from the grammar.

  • d09

    I think my eyes are bleeding from the grammar.

  • p’11

    This is clearly a joke…
    For the whois info … you can put anything you want, they don’t go to your address and make sure you actually live there. So long as the hosting company its own field for the credit card info, you can enter something different into the whois database.

    Do a google search for that email address: shoaib@digitallinx.com — you get this website:
    http://shoaib.digitallinx.com/
    which is also linked to from this one
    http://forum.swsoft.com/member.php?u=10714

    Apparently the guy’s name is Shoaib Raiz, he’s 25, and from Pakistan. So this doesn’t look like Aleksy to me.

    Hokay, back to finals…

  • p’11

    This is clearly a joke…
    For the whois info … you can put anything you want, they don’t go to your address and make sure you actually live there. So long as the hosting company its own field for the credit card info, you can enter something different into the whois database.

    Do a google search for that email address: shoaib@digitallinx.com — you get this website:
    http://shoaib.digitallinx.com/
    which is also linked to from this one
    http://forum.swsoft.com/member.php?u=10714

    Apparently the guy’s name is Shoaib Raiz, he’s 25, and from Pakistan. So this doesn’t look like Aleksy to me.

    Hokay, back to finals…

  • P’11

    Sorry for some reason i ended up posting that twice… so now i will spam you more by apologizing

  • P’11

    Sorry for some reason i ended up posting that twice… so now i will spam you more by apologizing

  • MD

    In Ireland studying my accounting exams. Watching his video CV has me all laughed out. I might use his expertise in medicine to realign my funny bone. How the hell did he get in to Yale???

  • MD

    In Ireland studying my accounting exams. Watching his video CV has me all laughed out. I might use his expertise in medicine to realign my funny bone. How the hell did he get in to Yale???

  • Slick Rick

    I got into Princeton based on plaigarized essays and glowing teacher recommendations I wrote myself (“…in my 30 years of teaching I have never encountered a student with such potential as Rick…”), so with his clinical mania he could have probably come up with even better.

  • Slick Rick

    I got into Princeton based on plaigarized essays and glowing teacher recommendations I wrote myself (“…in my 30 years of teaching I have never encountered a student with such potential as Rick…”), so with his clinical mania he could have probably come up with even better.

  • Nancy

    I say put this guy on The Apprentice for another public flogging. He makes Omarosa look ‘with it’.

  • Nancy

    I say put this guy on The Apprentice for another public flogging. He makes Omarosa look ‘with it’.

  • Nancy

    I spent the last few minutes perusing Vayner information and trying to decide if I should apologize for posting twice. Sorry!

  • Nancy

    I spent the last few minutes perusing Vayner information and trying to decide if I should apologize for posting twice. Sorry!

  • Nordy

    Hey “old guy”, he can’t be in violation of the CFA trademark because there’s no such thing as a Certified Financial Analyst. Now, if he said CHARTERED Financial Analyst…

  • Nordy

    Hey “old guy”, he can’t be in violation of the CFA trademark because there’s no such thing as a Certified Financial Analyst. Now, if he said CHARTERED Financial Analyst…

  • Nordy

    Hey “old guy”, he can’t be in violation of the CFA trademark because there’s no such thing as a Certified Financial Analyst. Now, if he said CHARTERED Financial Analyst…

  • Nordy

    Hey “old guy”, he can’t be in violation of the CFA trademark because there’s no such thing as a Certified Financial Analyst. Now, if he said CHARTERED Financial Analyst…

  • fenri5

    Robert Hamburger strikes again! :D

    This time he takes on the wannabe bigwigs ^^

  • fenri5

    Robert Hamburger strikes again! :D

    This time he takes on the wannabe bigwigs ^^

  • fenri5

    Robert Hamburger strikes again! :D

    This time he takes on the wannabe bigwigs ^^

  • fenri5

    Robert Hamburger strikes again! :D

    This time he takes on the wannabe bigwigs ^^

  • Goat See

    He’s a winner at computer security too. Download the .zip and you can see that he keeps his mysql database password in /includes/conn.php

  • Goat See

    He’s a winner at computer security too. Download the .zip and you can see that he keeps his mysql database password in /includes/conn.php

  • bizzle

    Aleksey and that fake abortion art broad should get married. On the other hand, if she ever carried anything to term it would probably be the Anti-Christ.

  • bizzle

    Aleksey and that fake abortion art broad should get married. On the other hand, if she ever carried anything to term it would probably be the Anti-Christ.

  • bizzle

    Aleksey and that fake abortion art broad should get married. On the other hand, if she ever carried anything to term it would probably be the Anti-Christ.

  • bizzle

    Aleksey and that fake abortion art broad should get married. On the other hand, if she ever carried anything to term it would probably be the Anti-Christ.

  • kl

    Err… not only DB login info can be found inside the zip file. Check doc/.

  • kl

    Err… not only DB login info can be found inside the zip file. Check doc/.

  • Vladimir

    Lol yes a lot of private information in doc format :) including tenchnorati passwords and stuff like that…

    It’s funny :)

  • Vladimir

    Lol yes a lot of private information in doc format :) including tenchnorati passwords and stuff like that…

    It’s funny :)