Phantom Pisser Moves to Cornell and Switches to Bottles

by Maureen O'Connor | December 13, 2007 at 2:36 pm

Phantom Pisser Moves to Cornell and Switches to BottlesWe get it: Dorm bathrooms are kinda gross, and not terrible attractive places to spend time. But is it really so hard to tinkle and flush in the appropriate receptacle? Yes, answered Dartmouth last week, in a group e-mail searching for tips on the identity of the mysterious person soiling the laundry room by night.

This week, the story of the phantom pisser moves to Cornell, where a group e-mail to residents of Founder Hall details the “big health concern” posed by those who pee in bottles and leave them in public spaces. But isn’t urine supposed to be sterile or something? In which case this is not a “big health concern,” so much as a massive gross-out.

Pee-plexing e-mail after the jump.

Date: Wed Dec 12 15:03:52 EST 2007
From: Lauren Nelson <[redacted]@cornell.edu>
Subject: urine in containers

Dear Founders Residents:

Over the weekend our custodial staff have found  bottles of urine in the trash/recycle room on the ground floor of Founders Hall.  As you can imagine, this is big health concern for the custodial staff, students, and other professional staff who work and live in Founders.

I want this behavior to stop immediately- there is a dumpster outside, so if you need to dispose of containers filled with liquid, then you need to do so in the dumpster. *Liquid filled containers containing bodily fluid should not be disposed of in the trash/recycle room. *Furthermore, if this behavior continues, then we will lock the trash room, which will result in all residents having to walk outside to dispose of trash bags in the dumpster.

Best,
Lauren

Lauren Nelson
Residence Hall Director, The Gothics and 14 South Ave

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21 Responses to “Phantom Pisser Moves to Cornell and Switches to Bottles”

  1. Ezra Says:
    December 13th, 2007 at 3:50 pm

    Maybe the pisser(s) were so busy studying they couldn’t lose the time needed to use a toilet. Or maybe it’s from road-tripping parents picking up students to go home. You never know with those Lawn Guy Linders.

  2. cornell'10 Says:
    December 13th, 2007 at 5:51 pm

    did he put the bottle in recycling?

  3. Columbiatch Says:
    December 13th, 2007 at 9:42 pm

    Asians are short. They can’t reach the urinal.
    Actually, urinals are not that ergonomic. It also goes against the idea of privacy: why would you want to pee next to anyone? Wouldn’t you rather pee in an enclosed space, where you can swing your thing however you want?

  4. congratulations Says:
    December 13th, 2007 at 11:01 pm

    apparently at columbia they write rough drafts for their ivygate posts

  5. Ezra Says:
    December 13th, 2007 at 11:31 pm

    Let’s see ow much we can Hemingway this post a la Nick Adams:
    “Asians are short. They can’t reach the urinal. Urinals were always awkward for him. He hated peeing near anyone. Better to have a private stall to swing his thing.”

  6. Columbiatch Says:
    December 14th, 2007 at 1:15 am

    Damn straight. All good writing is in the rewriting. And at Columbia, they teach us to say something different every time we have to say something again.

  7. yale'07 Says:
    December 14th, 2007 at 2:25 am

    go on a strike

  8. Columbia 08 Says:
    December 14th, 2007 at 3:16 am

    More Hemingwaying:
    “The men of Asia are short and they can’t reach the urinal, he thought as he entered the fluorescent glow of the third floor men’s room . Urinals were always awkward for him and he hated them in his heart. He hated peeing near anyone. He hated the feeling that others could see him as he spilled his urine on the fine porcelain. Better to have a private stall to swing his thing. But this is the way it is.”

  9. Columbia 08 Says:
    December 14th, 2007 at 4:06 am

    Although that’s more Robert Jordan than Nick Adams.

  10. really? Says:
    December 14th, 2007 at 11:23 pm

    What about Colin McDonnell?

  11. lol Says:
    December 15th, 2007 at 4:19 am

    what about Sandy Wang?

  12. or Says:
    December 15th, 2007 at 12:24 pm

    …Dick Army

  13. Columbiatch Says:
    December 15th, 2007 at 2:27 pm

    Throw a coin in a jar.

  14. Ezra Says:
    December 15th, 2007 at 2:41 pm

    I tried to do Faulkner — but the first sentence crashed the website. ;)

    “in the stall (through)
    little the
    (big
    to like ,,, my own safe inside
    except the asian
    and swinging
    ;awkw:ard-nexttoyou
    iknow a place with urinal, letsgo”

  15. Columbia 08 Says:
    December 15th, 2007 at 4:46 pm

    Eli Cash:
    “The drip-din of the faucet leak sounded off the plexorous tiles. ‘Me make pee please,’ he said. He dropped the fulminous metal zipper with his sweat-shaken hands and waited dry in the shadow of the neon torchlight.”

  16. y10 Says:
    December 16th, 2007 at 12:26 pm

    No covering the hate crime at Princeton yet?

    http://instapundit.com/archives2/012999.php

  17. ugh Says:
    December 16th, 2007 at 6:37 pm

    updates pleeace

  18. foundersresident Says:
    December 16th, 2007 at 11:15 pm

    someone also took a shit and put it in someone’s room for a week… now that’s a health concern… it was heinous

  19. D10 Says:
    December 17th, 2007 at 2:05 pm

    he made it all up, officially

  20. CalState Says:
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:46 pm

    Doesn’t pee contain identifying dna?

    I know dna tests are expen$ive, but can’t this be done in Cornell or Dartmuth’s science or forensic labs?

    Seems like this would be a good exercise in urinal justice…

  21. Penn08 Says:
    January 10th, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    notorious freshman pisser at penn as well