Even More Crime at Penn!!!

Even More Crime at Penn!!!It looks like all those Ethics classes at Wharton haven’t exactly been rubbing off. In what will likely turn into an Ivy League Bonnie and Clyde courtroom drama/saga, Edward Anderton (Penn ’05) and Jocelyn Kirsch (Drexel ’06) stand accused of massive identity theft. After burglarizing their neighbors’ apartments, Anderton and Kirsch established credit cards in their neighbors’ names. They then spent a whole lot of money that wasn’t theirs and basically wreaked havoc until Friday, when they were arrested and charged with about a zillion crimes.

According to the Philadelphia Daily News, “Kirsch’s walk-in closet was bursting with so many designer clothes, shoes and handbags that cops couldn’t step inside.”

The couple weren’t exactly Robin Hoods, either. When one of their stolen checks bounced, well, they turned up the heat.

Someone at the salon tried to contact Kirsch by phone, then with a text message, to which Kirsch allegedly replied: “Hello. You don’t know my name, but I know yours. I also know your nice place on . . . Street and how you get home at night. You’re the one who should be worried.”

After searching their Rittenhouse Square apartment, police found $17,500 in cash, dozens of credit cards and fake drivers’ licenses, and keys to unlock many of their neighbors’ apartments and mailboxes.”

Needless to say, this puts regular collegiate douchebaggery in perspective.

All year we’ve been going on and on about how dangerous Penn’s West Philadelphia neighborhood is. We’re sort of reconsidering that. With panty-stealers, wife-murderers, pederast professors, malicious hackers, and now burglarizing identity thieves, it seems that Penn is the problem, not the neighborhood. Someone really needs to protect West Philly from the criminals at the University of Pennsylvania.

After the jump: the cops speak out, and the detective work begins.

Even More Crime at Penn!!!In a classic cop-show police – officer – summarizing – what – we – all – already – know moment, Detective Terry Sweeney came up with these inspiring words.

They were two young people that were given many gifts in life. And the very best thing they could do was victimize other people.”

From a different article:

We have trips to London, Paris, Hawaii, Turks and Caicos, and Montreal, Canada.” As for Serpico / Sweeney’s editorial comment? A striking screenwriter couldn’t have put it better: “It’s really nice to go on trips when you’re not paying for them.”

This guy likes to talk. Another one:

“They were like a parasite that infected that building.”

Let’s see what crime Penn students can commit next. Any suggestions? 

  • Personally

    If some scrawny Penn kid who bounced a check at a salon of all places threatened me, I wouldn’t be terribly worried.

  • Personally

    If some scrawny Penn kid who bounced a check at a salon of all places threatened me, I wouldn’t be terribly worried.

  • Also

    Where’s the coverage of the Radio Perfecto shooting at Columbia?!

    I want another spam war about how unsafe Harlem is!

  • Also

    Where’s the coverage of the Radio Perfecto shooting at Columbia?!

    I want another spam war about how unsafe Harlem is!

  • rl

    don’t forget about the winner of the “mr. penn” bodybuilding contest being busted for theft.

  • rl

    don’t forget about the winner of the “mr. penn” bodybuilding contest being busted for theft.

  • Columbiatch

    Unca Ben would be proud.

  • Columbiatch

    Unca Ben would be proud.

  • someone

    Has anybody researched the ways in which appearances dictate personality?

    Because I look at this photo and think, “what a pair assholes”

  • someone

    Has anybody researched the ways in which appearances dictate personality?

    Because I look at this photo and think, “what a pair assholes”

  • More

    another big criminal Penn/Wharton alum in the news-fmr Democratic fundraiser Norman Hsu for fraud and campaign finance violations

  • More

    another big criminal Penn/Wharton alum in the news-fmr Democratic fundraiser Norman Hsu for fraud and campaign finance violations

  • Wharton08

    This shit is hilarious. Penn is such a clusterfuck, but it’s also so entertaining. We need the old head of the library to come back with all his kiddie porn. Also we need the the Marketing professor back with his kiddie porn. And we need Malinovskaya back with her bludgeoning murders. I love this shit.

  • Wharton08

    This shit is hilarious. Penn is such a clusterfuck, but it’s also so entertaining. We need the old head of the library to come back with all his kiddie porn. Also we need the the Marketing professor back with his kiddie porn. And we need Malinovskaya back with her bludgeoning murders. I love this shit.

  • sasha

    Why do guys wear scarves around their necks like that?! So fucking GAY!

  • sasha

    Why do guys wear scarves around their necks like that?! So fucking GAY!

  • brown’10

    wow, this is almost like a joke now. im expecting to wake up tomorrow morning, visit this site, and learn that a penn student is running an illegal dog fighting ring

  • brown’10

    wow, this is almost like a joke now. im expecting to wake up tomorrow morning, visit this site, and learn that a penn student is running an illegal dog fighting ring

  • IvyPride

    Maybe if the chick was Ivy League, they wouldn’t have been caught so soon.

  • IvyPride

    Maybe if the chick was Ivy League, they wouldn’t have been caught so soon.

  • keggy

    Is she Black? I’ve been staring at the pic trying to figure it out and I can’t.

  • keggy

    Is she Black? I’ve been staring at the pic trying to figure it out and I can’t.

  • keggy

    Also: THEIR PARENTS MUST BE COMPLETE RETARDS!!!!!!!!

  • keggy

    Also: THEIR PARENTS MUST BE COMPLETE RETARDS!!!!!!!!

  • Goose

    The old IvyGate would have broken this, not recycled it.

  • Goose

    The old IvyGate would have broken this, not recycled it.

  • Columbiatch

    I tell you though, she a fine lady. Boy got a good taste. Or, rather, the girl has a good nose for money. I’d so slap her with my roll of dough.

  • Columbiatch

    I tell you though, she a fine lady. Boy got a good taste. Or, rather, the girl has a good nose for money. I’d so slap her with my roll of dough.

  • penn 11

    tag it for penn, i cant wait for my mom to see… penn students are just on FIRE

  • penn 11

    tag it for penn, i cant wait for my mom to see… penn students are just on FIRE

  • Yo Mama

    She ain’t so hot in her mug shot. Then again, being dragged away by the po-po would make me frazzled too.

  • Yo Mama

    She ain’t so hot in her mug shot. Then again, being dragged away by the po-po would make me frazzled too.

  • Linda

    There is nothing Black about that girl. She’s as white as the snow that fell in Philly today. This story is so hilarious.

  • Linda

    There is nothing Black about that girl. She’s as white as the snow that fell in Philly today. This story is so hilarious.

  • Dwayne

    She’s not black, but she has had a little black in her. Zing!

  • Dwayne

    She’s not black, but she has had a little black in her. Zing!

  • Peter

    The other seven Ivies must be glad Anderton did not have the grades to do any better than Penn.

  • Peter

    The other seven Ivies must be glad Anderton did not have the grades to do any better than Penn.

  • Peter

    The other seven Ivies must be glad Anderton did not have the grades to do any better than Penn.

  • Peter

    The other seven Ivies must be glad Anderton did not have the grades to do any better than Penn.

  • Peter

    The other seven Ivies must be glad Anderton did not have the grades to do any better than Penn.

  • Peter

    The other seven Ivies must be glad Anderton did not have the grades to do any better than Penn.

  • Peter

    The other seven Ivies must be glad Anderton did not have the grades to do any better than Penn.

  • Peter

    The other seven Ivies must be glad Anderton did not have the grades to do any better than Penn.

  • Peter

    The other seven Ivies must be glad Anderton did not have the grades to do any better than Penn.

  • Peter

    The other seven Ivies must be glad Anderton did not have the grades to do any better than Penn.

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