Penn Security Guard Whips His Cock Out On Some Chick
Penn is a some kinda hotbed for crime. Did you know that?! Yes, we're sure your moms told you if you ever considered applying to Penn. What these caring mothers do not know, however, is that Penn employs an elite squad of ex-Navy SEALS random hobos through the private security firm Allied. These guards protect Penn from the evils of drunk boys, and my, do they reign with iron fists! And all these poor souls ask for in return? Oh, a pat on the back, a reminiscing of times past, a 2-out-of-3 Rock, Paper, Scissors session. Not much. Maybe some pussy:
Hey all,
About an hour ago my roommate had a little incident that I thought you should all be aware of, since Public Safety sucks.
[She] was on her way home from rehearsal and an Allied guard on 38th and Chestnut offered to walk her home. She figured she might has well have someone walk her since there have been a lot of robberies and such and our neighborhood lately. When she got to the door of our house she thanked him for walking her and went to get her keys. He said, "Miss..." and she turned around and he was holding his penis out at her.
Indeed, such was the tale of a Penn undergraduate female. Such a tease! Fortunately, when she filed the complaint, justice was served, served more, and then served yet again: The security office told her "some of their uniforms are 'missing,' so it might not actually be a security guard. Lovely." Yeah, the girl should've recognized that he wasn't legit given his neon blue pajamas with sparkles spelling "iz not security, iz hornee."
Silly Penn isn't just pretending this never happened, and Penn's Vice President for Public Safety, Maureen Rush, has sent out a public safety alert to the entire Penn community. Check it out after the jump, and remember: It's about penises.
Correction: The VP for Public Safety's memo to the Penn community after the jump is in response to something far more grave, which we absolutely don't think is funny.
To the Penn Community
The Philadelphia Police Special Victims' Unit, with the assistance of Penn's
Division of Public Safety, is investigating a sexual assault reported to have
occurred on November 12, 2007, inside an off-campus apartment on the 4000 Block
of Spruce Street. The woman is a Penn affiliate and is receiving Penn support
services through the Division of Public Safety's Special Services Department.The Division of Public Safety, in conjunction with the Philadelphia Police
Department and the University City District Safety Ambassadors' program, has
increased police, security and CCTV virtual patrols in the area of the
assault. All community members are reminded to lock residential doors, use
Walking or Riding Escort Services, and to report anything that appears out of
the norm to DPS' Emergency Center by using any of the over 200 Emergency Blue
Light Phones or by calling the off-campus emergency number 215-573-3333. From
any on campus building you can also reach the PennComm center by calling 511.Anyone having additional information, or who needs resource services, should
call the DPS Special Services Department at 215-898-6600.Maureen S. Rush M.S., CPP
Vice President for Public Safety
17 Comments | 
| 
Print This Post
Read more: crime, Penn
Email – 
Search
About
Follow us on Twitter
Report a bug
Archives
RSS Feed
November 13th, 2007 at 10:25 am
you’re mixing up two separate events. read the dp for the 4000 spruce, non-penis side of the story
November 13th, 2007 at 10:38 am
This is not funny and should be taken down. The e-mail Rush sent is in reference to a stranger rape that occurred near campus. There were two separate incidences, one where some Allied Barton whipped out his dick, and another where a girl was raped. Mixing these two stories is sick and should be reconciled quickly. Way to do your research, IvyGate
November 13th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Yea seriously you guys, this is fucking scary. 40th and Spruce is practically on-campus, and the fact that someone got raped there is terribly frightening. There was some confusion last night about the emails being shot around, but it was all cleared up this morning in the DP.
PLEASE reconcile this now! It’s a shame.
November 13th, 2007 at 11:56 am
Man, it must suck to go to Penn…cocks everywhere.
November 13th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Unrelated to the 4000 Spruce incident (which I read about yesterday, and it’s really a shame), there was a security guard who used to hang out outside my building last spring, looking for all the world like he was waiting for me. Every time I walked by he tried to engage me in conversation saying things like, “Hey baby, remember me?” and so on. Once he actually crossed the street and followed me a ways down the block and actually grabbed me by the wrist when I told him to get lost. I twisted out and split, but I wonder if it’s the same guy?
November 13th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
thank god i don’t go to penn, since i’m a hot chick.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Alisse Hauspurg went to my high school
November 13th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
as some of you babies may not know, there was an acquaintance rape on 3900 block of delancey (near 40th and spruce) in the 04-05 academic year (i want to say fall). while stranger rape is scarier than acquaintance rape in many respects (not to disregard acquaintance rape), there was a big hoopla over the 04-05 rape for 2ish weeks and then the whole thing was forgotten.
the issue is bigger then the DP or DPS makes it out to be. this is about the:
1) lack of effective security at penn
2) lack of competence penn students have – the penis story – why didn’t the guard walkie talkie the walk home in? all escorts MUST do this. did he even have a walkie talking? think here ladies! students also waltz around with their ipods in, computers hanging out of their bags and chattering on their cells about some jappy thing or another – PAY ATTENTION!
3) off campus housing – how did the rapist get in the house yesterday? faulty locks? other residences being irresponsible? faulty bars on the windows? off campus housing needs to be brought up to the times (see also about the delancey fires this september…)
November 13th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I’m not trying to compare the two incidents, but neither are at all funny. Trusting a security guard to protect you as you go back to your apartment and then to have him whip out his penis would be scary as hell. How is that girl supposed to know that he wouldn’t have raped her? Penn ‘09 ’s story about a security guard following her and making suggestive comments is scary too. All these incidents should be reported and taken in complete seriousness.
November 13th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
penn 08, your have a point about preventative measures that wealthy/oblivious students in an urban environment can take, but if the guy was invested enough to steal a uniform, surely he can fake an ID/observe walkie-talkie procedure, etc.? the point is that he’s an asshole and should be arrested for that shit. i just don’t want us to shift any blame onto that poor girl.
November 13th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
pton, i completely agree, and i hope that i did not place any blame on the girl, i wanted to point out a large problem on campus – in urban environments like these we have to be more attentive. and, yes, such procedures and badges can be faked. as it turns out, the guard WAS a penn security guard and has been arrested and fired. the info has passed along to ivygate, hopefully they will report on it tomorrow in more depth.
and something more to chew on – i went to a DPS (dept. of public safety) forum my sophomore year at penn and expressed concern regarding guards who made advances at women while escorting them, as well as bad practices they kept (standing together and joking around instead of being attentive, not dealing with a potentially problematic situation, etc.) and was given rude and superficial responses from the dps officials. unacceptable. they’ve known about this problem from NUMEROUS incidents and they are NOT doing anything about it.
November 13th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
This is SERIOUS.
Those of you (men) who have female friends on campus make sure they are ok, that’s what friends do for each other. Walk them home; think of the points you would score for that! Think about how you would feel if your friend was attacked.
Since the system has issues help rescue it with your pro-active actions. Not just posting a comment…do something! I mean both men and women; be vocal in a productive way to help solve the problems. Flood Ms. Rush’s office with emails, letters, etc to let her know that it is NOT OK with you. Safety is key to uphold the fine reputation Penn has.
Thank you.
November 13th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
This is SERIOUS.
Those of you (men) who have female friends on campus make sure they are ok, that’s what friends do for each other. Walk them home; think of the points you would score for that! Think about how you would feel if your friend was attacked.
Since the system has issues help rescue it with your pro-active actions. Not just posting a comment…do something! I mean both men and women; be vocal in a productive way to help solve the problems. Flood Ms. Rush’s office with emails, letters, etc to let her know that it is NOT OK with you. Safety is key to uphold the fine reputation Penn has.
Thank you.
November 13th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
This is SERIOUS.
Those of you (men) who have female friends on campus make sure they are ok, that’s what friends do for each other. Walk them home; think of the points you would score for that! Think about how you would feel if your friend was attacked.
Since the system has issues help rescue it with your pro-active actions. Not just posting a comment…do something! I mean both men and women; be vocal in a productive way to help solve the problems. Flood Ms. Rush’s office with emails, letters, etc to let her know that it is NOT OK with you. Safety is key to uphold the fine reputation Penn has.
Thank you.
November 13th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
This is SERIOUS.
Those of you (men) who have female friends on campus make sure they are ok, that’s what friends do for each other. Walk them home; think of the points you would score for that! Think about how you would feel if your friend was attacked.
Since the system has issues help rescue it with your pro-active actions. Not just posting a comment…do something! I mean both men and women; be vocal in a productive way to help solve the problems. Flood Ms. Rush’s office with emails, letters, etc to let her know that it is NOT OK with you. Safety is key to uphold the fine reputation Penn has.
Thank you.
November 13th, 2007 at 9:20 pm
We must continue to gentrify our respective neighborhoods to combat crime.
November 13th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Hi!
I am a young man, I want to have information about something that this page shows.
give me information to mail : belanghiep-bs@sotrans.co.vn
Wait your letter.
Thank.