No, actually that headline is totally false. It belongs to the more interesting article the WSJ should have written. But in any case Collegiate does have the highest percentage of students who enroll in either “Harvard, Princeton, MIT, Williams, Pomona, Swarthmore, the University of Chicago and Johns Hopkins” in case that motley group means anything to you.

In this article, which is clearly aimed at soliciting the self-satisfied clucks of its affluent readership, the WSJ employs what is possibly the most dubious methodology of all time in order to produce a fancy ranking of high-schools. See if this exercise makes any sense to you:

Weekend Journal looked at the freshman classes at eight top colleges — Harvard, Princeton, MIT, Williams, Pomona, Swarthmore, the University of Chicago and Johns Hopkins — and compiled a list of the students’ high-school alma maters. The survey ranked the high schools based on the number of students sent to those eight colleges, divided by the high school’s number of graduates in 2007, limiting the scope to schools that had senior classes of at least 50. The “success rate” column represents the percentage of students in each high-school’s graduating class that attended one of our chosen colleges.

Pomona, seriously? In any case, all of the usual suspects put in an appearance, NYC private schools (Collegiate, Trinity, Chapin, Brearley), New England boarding schools (Andover, Exeter, Groton, Deerfield), the famous magnet schools (TJ, that school in Illinois that’s like TJ) , and the schools that make local sense (Princeton High School) But there are also some schools nobody saw coming, like Daewoo Foreign Language High School, located in Seoul.

After the jump — the chart of schools, with juicy glosses like, “The school, founded in 1635, sent 25 kids to Harvard–more than any other high school on our list,” and “Many students at the Jewish day school spend a year in Israel before college, which the school says may affect its numbers in our survey.”

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• Brown: “Brown students pretend not to be nerds, but they really are,” jokes English and medieval studies professor who lectures on Elvish and Orkish languages.
  
• Brown: But nerds still have sex. So go and get your free and confidential HIV test today!
• Dartmouth: “Outsiders who don’t understand the intricacies of Dartmouth’s social life sometimes dismiss our fine educational institute as a hotbed of debauchery for drunkards and alcoholics.”
• Dartmouth: Well it’s hard to break stereotypes when you devote an article on hangover remedies…
• Dartmouth: …hangover myths…
• Dartmouth:…and on shameful morning after stories, all in the same damn issue.
• Princeton: American farms are as evil as investment banks.
• Penn: Perhaps all the crime is taking its toll on applicant numbers this year.

– Compiled by James Yu 

Okay, so, Cornell seems to be far less freaky than its other Ivy League brethren. Columbia apparently has a sex club. AND WE HAVE MORE STUDENTS! We currently have one girl and two guys. We want male inquiries, as it is an orgy.

Cornell is lame. I’m only in college for another year. I want to do something crazy. Let’s start an orgy or at the very least, a foursome. This post, then, is looking for a male participant in an orgy with me and other people. Please only straight men for this event. The men have requested that it’s a blanket requirement, I guess.

Let’s get this straight: One girl wants a herd of anonymous straight men to clusterfuck her, and since the dudes aren’t interested in touching each other, we assume they’ll be taking turns on her? Wasn’t there a Law & Order: SVU about this? “I’m incrediblyyyyyyyyyy sexual,” our darling nymph adds. “And bored.”

For your titillation and/or terror, post preserved in full after jump.

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• Cornell: Place called “Ithaca Gun Factory” not as cool, lead-free as it sounds. Also, not a gym.
• Dartmouth: “Outrageous and even at times egregious, Young Ivy touched on everything from having to cram for finals…to crazy dance parties with girls who have “turkey in the back and are wide at the hips.”
• Harvard: Ouch, that’s a cruel lede to read if you’re Martin S. Feldstein
• Harvard: Good article, better headline.
• Penn: Is there any political gesture more useless than a quilt?
• Princeton: A tearful coda to a once whimsical tale of public urination.
• Yale: “Yale oughtn’t be thus,” concludes op/ed on classism at Yale.

Let us contemplate the possibilities.

1. You’re out of sunblock and don’t want a burn; you happen to find a can of black paint next to your swim trunks in the back of your closet.

• Not okay to wear blackface.

2. You are going to a “Vaudeville” theme party but you can’t find your ventriloquist’s dummy; your goth girlfriend offers to share her black makeup.

• Still not okay to wear blackface.

3. You are a student at Princeton University planning a run for Student Government president. It is Halloween, and you think it’d be funny to be “Peter Pan’s Shadow” by painting your entire body black and running around terrorizing people. You don’t mean to be racist, and you have tons of black friends, anyway, and they all think it’s okay.

• Definitely not okay to wear blackface, especially if there are cameras present.

PUSG presidential candidate (the Prince says he’s a shoo-in) Josh Weinstein ’09 found himself in Blackface Situation #3 freshman year, and judged it okay to post the shady pictures on his blog, complete with Malcolm X and Rosa Parks references. Though Weinstein removed the material more than a year ago, a “Concerned Undergraduate” (who set up an e-mail account solely for the purpose of anonymously tipping this story) sent it to us this week, which means “Concerned” saw and copied the material years ago and has been sitting on it ever since.

Smear campaign? Inigo Montoya-level vendetta? As for how this will affect Weinstein’s candidacy, let us not forget Princeton’s election last year of president Rob “Rodent-Roast” Biederman, pyromaniacal torturer of squirrels (who only had to beat Grant “Get-Off-Our-Campus” Gittlin, banned from student housing due to extreme disciplinary disturbance). Which is to say, Princeton has a high tolerance for faux pas.

View the pictures, blog entry, and Weinstein’s new statement on the matter, after the jump.

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The above photo comes from Gawker and shows Harvard student Hillary Dobbs, daughter of CNN national anchor and eminent xenophobe Lou Dobbs, kissing a girl. Which is a crime, you know. As long as she’s not kissing a Mexican, right Lou? 

• Brown: “Brown is not a random sample of the population as a whole” and other shocking tales.
• Columbia: Probably time to delete that “Soulja Boy” you downloaded off Kazaa.
• Cornell: Someone sounds a bit jealous!
• Dartmouth: How could booking two rap acts called The Cool Kids and Young Ivy instead of Spoon ever not turn out successfully?
• Harvard: “Bryan had put on his Harvard-preppy look: white button-up, Harvard sweatshirt, tight jeans. An earring glinted in each ear. He was ready.”
• Penn: “Some think he is a missing person or the victim of a violent crime. Others suggest he’s an American Apparel model”
• Yale: How is watching The Bachelor not inherently the show’s most crippling problem?

– Compiled by Juli Weiner

Every year or so, I wonder what Vail Bloom, Princeton ’04 and former Maxim “Hometown Hottie,” is up to. For a while she was really into making out at Princeton’s Tiger Inn, where “it’s always dim, which is convenient for sketchy make-out sessions in the corner.” More recently, she’s been “mentoring young people and tutor[ing] middle and high school students… [and] running and hiking.”

Thanks to you, tipsters, I wonder no more. Vail now plays Assistant District Attorney Heather Stevens on the CBS soap opera The Young and the Restless. Here’s a clip of her being all sexy and lawyerly.

It’s great to watch people making it, especially when they’re super-hot and they’re not actually making it. More incredibly well-acted scenes and clips after the jump.
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Being a female at Penn has never been harder. On top of your average undergrad milieu of date rape and roofies, the ladies of Phila also have to worry about wife-killing professors, penis-wagging cops, and now, panty-sniffing stalkers.

Penn ’08 Diexia Wang is out on a $200,000 bail for stalking half a dozen undergrad ladies and running off with their underpants and “high-end purses,” the latter of which is slightly baffling since we assume lady-stalking means he is straight? Maybe Mr. Wang needed the designer accoutrements for toting around his growing coterie of stolen a-cooter-ments.

De Wang’s Panty Party came to its dramatic end when Mr. Wang snuck into the room of a female resident of Harold C. Meyer Hall using a stolen dorm key (which is legitimately creepy, so I’ll refrain from using a pun for a second). The victim’s roommate probably received the shock of her life upon witnessing a strange male enter the room with a key (and maybe a Louis Vuitton purse in the crook of his arm), and called the cops. Wang was charged with burglary, criminal trespassing, harassment, stalking, and theft.

News coverage of Wang-gate is worth watching, if only to witness the effect of anchorman gravitas on the word “panties.” As for commentary, we think the blonde who giggled and rolled her eyes at the camera said it best:

Ohmigod. That is SO. WEIRD. …I’m glad I live NOT on campus. [emphasis hers; capitalized rendering ours]

Excuse me, I have to go padlock my top dresser drawer, now.

Rafael Robb, Penn professor of Economics, pleaded guilty yesterday to beating his wife, Ellen Gregory Robb, to death with a metal chin-up bar last year. Robb’s plea agreement is for voluntary manslaughter, down from the first-degree murder charge for which he stood trial. Though voluntary manslaughter usually carries a prison sentence of 4.5 to 7 years, DA Bruce Castor says he will seek 10 to 20 for Robb.

Fox News correspondent Rick Leventhal, who met Robb in January, describes the professor’s crime and confession:

Ellen was bludgeoned so badly investigators initially thought she’d been blasted at close range with a shotgun or rifle. The DA was prepared to introduce testimony from experts suggesting this was an “enraged blitz attack” by someone who knew the victim and was trying to “wipe her face off the map.” … He admitted staging evidence of a break-in at the house and disposing of the weapon and bloody clothes in a dumpster in Chinatown.

Chilling as the crime was, Robb’s proclaimed rationale was perhaps strangest: During an argument about a holiday trip Ellen would be taking with the couple’s daughter, Olivia, Rafael grew enraged at the suggestion that the girl would miss school. “At one point,” he testified, “Ellen pushed me. … I just lost it.”

So this was over an elementary school girl’s attendance record? We wonder how the professor dealt with the half-empty lecture halls that populate undergraduate Economics. To the Penn students and economists in the audience: WTF was this guy’s deal?