You know you’ve truly arrived in this world when people start accusing you of being The Man. And according to the Harvard Independent‘s blog, Maureen, Hal and I — three of the most disorganized fuck-ups to have matriculated at Princeton in some time — are just that! As it turns out, we’re actually right-wing, semi-closeted/semi-bigoted Yalies with a malicious anti-Harvard agenda. We even got a punny public-enemy-moniker a la Man Coulter or Lindsay Blowhan. Well, sort of:
I’ve never been a big fan of IvyGate (from hereon referred to as “IvyHate”), … they strike me as a gang of self-serving (what the Crimson would call “masturbatory”) Yalies out to drown their own social inhibitions in bitter stabs at their rival college.
IvyHate [is] promoting the subsequent downfall of our institution’s [Harvard's] reputation… Nice try, IvyGate. We know what you’re up to.
Sir: Whatever our myriad crimes against Harvard may be, we are certainly not worth 750 words of your time. That’s like twelve porn downloads worth!
The entire hilarious blog post — including the words “heteronormative” and “Rivers Cuomo” — after the jump.
I’ve never been a big fan of IvyGate (from hereon referred to as “IvyHate”), and not just because I happen to know a bubbly little sex blogger named Lena Chen who they plagiarized from a month or two ago. I don’t know who they are or where they’re from — nor do I really care — but they strike me as a gang of self-serving (what the Crimson would call masturbatory”) Yalies out to drown their own social inhibitions in bitter stabs at their rival college. In fact, it is difficult to take the “Ivy” in their title seriously when 17 of the 30 front page posts refer to either how awesome Yale is or how terrible Harvard is.
One of the posts in particular caught my eye. It was in reference to a certain Greek pop sensation currently matriculated here, and his amazing new hit single (and hot music video). Granted, I am a bit biased, and have probably exhibited my obsession with all things Petros (aka Peter Shields ’09) on these pages before. Before I continue on to the IvyHate analysis of this almost-masterpiece, independently made with music by the man himself, I’d like to let you all judge for yourself:
Tacky? Yes. Kind of Creepy? Yes. Awesome? Definitely. Of course, fun apolitical pop seems not to be IvyGate’s cup of tea, particularly if it involves Harvard kids and Catholicism. Jacob Savage, the supposed “writer” responsible for this unnecessarily angry post takes the opportunity to express his deep-seeded envy of free-spirited (I believe the term he uses is “shameless”) young Harvard men going where they’ve never gone before: the cheesy pop world, and taking some bootylicious Harvard girls with him (Emily Cregg, the protagonist of the video, holds more than her own writhing on that bed there). Savage treats frivolity like a crime, as if somehow it was sinful for Ivy Leaguers to spend there time on anything other than philosophical debates and anti-Bush protests (are problem sets worthy of our time, Jacob?). Half the post is a series of cheap shots against Harvard girls, and the other an attack on Petros himself for putting himself out there in such a way.
I could forgive Savage only because of the comments of several Ivy Leaguers in response to his post. Varying in wit from “the dumber the girls are, the hotter they are” to “eeww” to “GGGAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!,” the IvyHate comment section reads surprisingly similarly to my own home in the boxing world, Ringtalk.com, where the average comment sounds something like “Your just another intelluctuel asshole that dosn’t know what the hell your talking about.”
My heart can’t help but sink when I think that my colleagues at other Ivy Leagues could possibly even remotely resemble the drunken heteronormative construction workers that frequent Ringtalk, or, worse, that IvyHate would allow such comments on their site, one that is supposedly respectable. How could they allow such horrid comments in response to an article based completely in typical Yalie envy and haphazard Facebook sleuthing?
Speaking of Facebook sleuthing, I did find one Harvard girl IvyHate seems to find quite hot, a woman who some falsely claim to be the Ann Coulter of the class of 2009 (I like to reserve that title to myself, thank you very much). In this article on the high-brow, low-IQ Aryan princess Lucy Morrow Caldwell, you will find an extremely strange post in the comments section.
Please watch your language on the comment boards. We love having comments and hearing your takes. While things like “self-serving” are OK, hateful personal attacks are not, and we will delete such comments if we see them.
Oh, so little miss “I love rape and racism” needs IvyHate to be a gentleman to her, but a Harvard student of legitimate talent and cultural value gets to sit by the sidelines and be personally offended? Defending the worst thing to come out of Harvard since ex-RedIvy co-editor Christopher Bruno Lacaria (who apparently insists on writing his articles in archaic Latin) is IvyHate’s way of promoting the subsequent downfall of our institution’s reputation. While Yale is still living down the undergraduate career of George W. Bush (great president, terrible frat boy), Harvard is enjoying being the alma mater of Conan O’Brien and Rivers Cuomo. Let the IvyHate people have their way, and in ten years we’ll be known as the hellhole that spawned both Caldwell and Lacaria. Nice try, IvyGate. We know what you’re up to.