The War on Fun: Harvard Update
In a sharply-worded letter to some student leaders, Interim Dean of the College David Pilbeam explained his decision to shut down the UC Party Grant program, demonstrating in the process just how much he hates fun, sex, and America (you can find the full text here):
“The UC Party Grant program is inherently flawed, and must be ended immediately. From this date forward no further funds can be dispersed for private parties… the UC has not assumed responsibility — and, as emphasized in your most recent email to Dean Nelson, affirmatively refuses to assume responsibility — for verifying that underage students will not be reimbursed for purchasing alcohol. As sponsors of the Party Grant program, it was the UCs responsibility to ensure that grants that included funds for alcohol did not go to students under 21. Since you have not assumed this responsibility, we cannot continue to allow funds to be used for this purpose, as institutional funds can never be used to sponsor private events with alcohol that the College has no way of regulating.
Second, it is quite apparent that the UC Party Grant program, in practice, has funded parties where the focus is on drinking. Alcohol abuse is the number one student health concern at Harvard… I also would like you to consider recommitting your funds for uses that will benefit the majority of students who are members of student organizations…. Although my decision that the Party Grant program must be discontinued is final, members of my staff will work with you to find the best ways to redirect those funds.”
If you ask me, this is PCU, Animal House-style oppression. Where is Jeremy Piven to rage, rage, against the dying of the light?
After the jump: the histrionic student response.
Our favorite frienemy, gold-medalist blogger of ill-repute Lena Chen, had this to say:
“Maybe it’s just me, but I actually think depression is going to skyrocket on this campus if the booze is taken away. There is very little to look forward to as it is. Without the occasional tipsy end-of-week party, what’s left?”
Just death and taxes, Lena. Just death and taxes.
One 24/7 party dude expressed similar dismay in a Crimson article:
“It’s just financially impossible to host as much as we would like to, or at all, because we don’t have those kinds of resources.”
According to the Crimson, the party grant program doles out $1,750 every week to students holding events.
After several hours of painful mathematical calculation, I discovered that $1750 comes out to less than thirty cents a week per Harvard undergraduate. How will Harvard kids ever survive?
