In an effort to conclude this somewhat aborted series from the spring, we present you with some of Penn’s most delicious heart cloggers. Here they are, according to Vince Levy, Penn ‘09 and former DP/34th Street scribe. The final four installments of the series will come at some point. Have a sandwich you just love that hasn’t been covered? Email us.

Philadelphia is the only city in the world more commonly associated with a sandwich than anything else (suck it Constitution Center, I’m going to Pat’s). Legend holds that when Ben Franklin, but a lad, arrived in Philadelphia with just his kite and a few pennies, the first thing he bought was a loaf of bread — or so I recall from the 18 pages I completed of my freshman Reading Project. After that, he probably got right down to sandwich time. At Penn, we still do.

Penn’s greasiest curbside fare, after the jump. 

Sandwich cognoscenti would do good to start at the food trucks that border the eight square blocks of Penn’s central campus. Many a tasty-ass sandwich awaits assembly in these valleys of car exhaust and stainless steel, but beware the pitfalls of regular hoagies or crappy pseudo-vegan pita sandwiches — I’m talking to you, Magic Carpet.

One food cart champion is Hemo’s, the namesake of a handsome chicken sandwich-peddling Egyptian who makes his own secret honey mustard sauce with spices from his homeland. Hemo’s cart, with two locations on campus, is in its 18th year of business. Highly fetishized by the Greek community, Hemo’s is rarely without a hungry congregation of the popped-collared, and its chicken sandwich stands alongside strippers and blow in the triumvirate of free things used to persuade freshmen males during spring frat rush.

Onto the sandwich ($3.75). Hemo starts with strips of grilled chicken cut finger-thick. For just a few more quarters each he’ll throw plenty of extras on the grill — spinach, tomato, fried egg or cheese. It’s all gently nestled into a warm hoagie roll. Then Hemo gives the sandwich to a guy whose only job is to make it rain Hemo sauce on that bitch. The end result is a steaming, dribbley mess of tender chicken and creamy hot mustard sauce. It’s good. Real good. And if you’re nice to Hemo he might even hook you up with a bottle of his honey mustard ambrosia at Christmas time.

Another food cart must resides on 38^th Street — the Steak Queen. Here the ultimate hangover cure is served simple, cheap and delicious every morning. I’m talking the Bacon, Egg and Cheese sandwich.

While BE&Cs are as common at Penn as Asians in business suits, none are quite like the Queen’s. Her eggs and cheese wed in runny union, held steady with thick-cut bacon that makes you put some teeth into your breakfast. Salt/pepper/ketchup is a must. There’s enough protein, carbs and grease in here to restore everything from last night but your dignity. And it’s only $2.75.

But the tastiest-ass sandwiches in all of Penn are found a few blocks west at Ko’ch’’s Take-Out Deli on 44^th and Locust. This New York-style deli makes hibernation-inducing sandwiches (they all contain at least eight ounces of meat) from an absurd selection of fillings. There are over 30 meats — six types of turkey alone — and more than a dozen types of international cheese, include a ridiculously good spicy garlic version.

Koch’s hoagies run between $7 and $10; you’ll want to cradle yours like a newborn because it will weigh about the same: the Restaurant School Special, for example, layers corned beef, honey turkey, beef brisket, and hot pepper cheese; the Special K comes with corned beef, turkey pastrami, kosher salami, potato salad and Swiss cheese. Most are slathered in Russian dressing and sweet coleslaw that snaps when you bite in.

And thus concludes our tour-de-tasty-ass-sandwiches at Penn. Where is the cheese steak, you ask? Ironically, just about the only sandwich that does not come in the tasty-ass variety here is that most famous of Philadelphia treats. Penn’s campus has no answer to Jim’s or Geno’s. Most attempts leave a bit more Barbaro on the palate than is desired.

–VINCE LEVY