Scabies Infestation at Harvard a Total Mood-Killer for Horny Frosh

Scabies Infestation at Harvard a Total Mood-Killer for Horny FroshAs if dorm life weren’t humiliating enough already, a freshman dorm at Harvard has contracted a group case of scabies, a parasitic disease involving skin-burrowing mites usually confined to livestock, 19-C covered wagons, and Oregon Trail.

Today at 2:30 residents of Pennypacker Hall congregated on the first floor of their building to receive medicated cream and instructions on the eradication of the skin-borne (read: sex-related) infections.

Treatment involves application of Permethrin cream for at least eight hours, followed by rigorous showering and the fumigation of all clothing and bed linens, courtesy of Environmental Health and Services.

In a letter to Pennypacker residents, adminstrators warn that scabies treatment is not terribly precise, or fast-acting:

Please be aware that the process of treating everyone and making sure the building is clean may take a while, so your patience will be much appreciated. Additionally, itchiness may continue for a few weeks until the mites and eggs have been removed from your skin with its natural turnover. It is vital that persons with whom you have had close personal contact be treated, even if they do not have symptoms. 

Basically, the infected frosh have creepy-crawlies spawning beneath their skin, and cannot do anything except wait for said creepy-crawlies to die off (“natural turnover” means the carcasses will just kind of float around infected students’ bodies until the they disentegratre and get, like, sweated out), try not to itch, and — oh yeah — stop having sex.

Not that anyone will knowingly hook up with a Pennypacker ever again.

After the jump: The Pennypacker scabies letter in full, pictures of forlorn freshmen receiving treatment and feeling generally disgusted with themselves, and scans of Harvard’s official hand-outs on the topic — all courtesy of our man on the ground, P-pack resident Idriss Fofana.

Written images are scans; click for high-resolution views.

Scabies Infestation at Harvard a Total Mood-Killer for Horny Frosh 

Scabies Infestation at Harvard a Total Mood-Killer for Horny Frosh

Scabies Infestation at Harvard a Total Mood-Killer for Horny Frosh

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  • y08

    emanuel sounds an awful lot like the student council douchebag-in-chief… so either this is clever satire, or all harvard students sound eerily like pompous pricks.

  • y08

    emanuel sounds an awful lot like the student council douchebag-in-chief… so either this is clever satire, or all harvard students sound eerily like pompous pricks.

  • h’alum

    ROFL! this is just awesome. I miss University Health Services already.

  • h’alum

    ROFL! this is just awesome. I miss University Health Services already.

  • damn, lena chen strikes again.

    oh whatever, it was funny, admit it.

  • damn, lena chen strikes again…

    oh whatever, it was funny, admit it.

  • I’d like to announce

    “Emanuel” (fake name) got slammed by Y ’10.

  • I’d like to announce

    “Emanuel” (fake name) got slammed by Y ’10.

  • ppack summer

    …wow. i was just living in ppack this summer. hah..good thing i missed the scabies outbreak

  • ppack summer

    …wow. i was just living in ppack this summer. hah..good thing i missed the scabies outbreak

  • I don’t miss being a freshman

    oh, come on: what college freshman doesn’t go through the phase of over-stating everything?

    “I am absolutely disgusted by your gross slander of my hallowed institution. furthermore … subsection two of my argument, i postulate blah blah blah…”

    that’s great stuff; it’s just priceless. You can’t write like that without a MASSIVE sense of self-righteousness. wonder if he’s an Objectivist, too…

  • I don’t miss being a freshman

    oh, come on: what college freshman doesn’t go through the phase of over-stating everything?

    “I am absolutely disgusted by your gross slander of my hallowed institution. furthermore … subsection two of my argument, i postulate blah blah blah…”

    that’s great stuff; it’s just priceless. You can’t write like that without a MASSIVE sense of self-righteousness. wonder if he’s an Objectivist, too…

  • who cares

    scabies is not an STD, these ppl need to get their facts straight.

  • who cares

    scabies is not an STD, these ppl need to get their facts straight.

  • A PARENT

    PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU GUYS NEVER CLEAN.

  • A PARENT

    PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU GUYS NEVER CLEAN.

  • A PARENT

    PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU GUYS NEVER CLEAN.

  • A PARENT

    PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU GUYS NEVER CLEAN.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/LUNNKMP6WW3K2MJ4ZYJUHTQU2Y athikities supabiola

    If you have sex, it can be STD. STI symptoms are not always obvious. If you suspect that you have symptoms of STD, see a doctor. More details go to http://www.treatmentforgonorrhea.com/