Cunnilingus at Dartmouth: Part II
Testament to the inescapable ennui of attending college in Hanover, Dartmouth sophomore Aurora Wells' relatively tame column on cunnilingus has sent her college into uproar. The Dartmouth published one column today, two letters yesterday, and two columns on Tuesday protesting Ms. Wells' muffin-munching manifesto. Zachary Gottlieb '10 says the publication of "Aurora's Guide to Eating Out" suggests a double-standard due to the alleged rejection of his "How to Blow Me Like a Well-Trained High-Class Prostitute, Young '11 Girls" column. He continues,
I [also] consider myself an avid "cuntoisseur." For example, I only go down on women with a good vintage … anything from '37 or '45 has wonderful oak notes and a pleasant tannic bite.
Luckily for Mr. Gottlieb, we at IvyGate have no standards -- double or otherwise! Write it, Zach, and we will come. Pun fully intended.
But the letter-to-the-editor we really care about is from Aurora to us! After the jump, correspondence with Our Lady of the Pencil-Drawn Labia, and The D's ensuing attempt to hush it all up.
guys,
first off, my article was much, much more titillating than the d would allow. in fact, it was called debbie does dartmouth. take a look at my uncut version. VERY different.
also, i'm not a lesbian.
The last sentence responds to the raging debate on our comment boards on Aurora's relative gay-ness and whether or not it makes her hot. And the "take a look" sentence? Refers to the original draft she attached to the e-mail, including the above hand-drawn image, which was totally bastardized by the D's grayscale rendering. We were all set to publish Debbie Does Dartmouth when Aurora changed her mind! Why the sudden reticence? "the d said they'd fire me."
What's the D so afraid of? That we'll realize their editors are hacks, and removed but every element of interest from the original piece? Or is it Aurora who got shy -- suddenly not feeling so "much, much more" about the cunning of her linguistics? You be the judge, readers: The following are two excerpts that the D didn't want you to see. (Alas, not the entire, potentially D-career-destroying full-text. Turns out some people care a lot about writing for the campus rag.)
The dental dam debate, and "fluid bonding":
But take it from the ladies: "Safe sex can be really fun. I have been fluid bonded with my partner for nearly two years, but we love to experiment with different dental dams for oral vaginal and oral anal sex. She likes the dry feeling of latex against her clit, like a tease." If it's a one-night deal, then it's just plain smart. And if not, well then it's only until you and your partner drag your asses to Dick's House and get tested anyway, right? So call it a clit tease that'll make her head spin.
The hot lesbo stuff:
As a girl I'll call Lizzie casually confided, "I think it's extremely important to try different things with your partner to see what they like. My girlfriend likes the tongue slow and delicate, but I like it fast and hard. I love it when she sucks my whole organ into her mouth, and when she licks me from right above my bum to my pubes [see diagram]. We move our tongues up the bodies of the clit, run circles around the clit at different speeds, suck the clit into our mouths (without biting it), and rapidly tap it up and down and side to side.""
One girl swore by the vibrations of her partner's humming, while I find cooter coos distracting as all hell.
Lizzie continued to share her insight; "she makes me come every time by starting out with just the mouth and tongue. After I start squirming with pleasure, she brings her hand to the opening of my vagina and runs delicate circles around the hole with her fingers. After a few seconds, she plunges deep into me with two fingers and begins to rub my G spot at the same time she sucks my clit."
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October 11th, 2007 at 11:18 am
I have it before and will say it again. Dartmouth has been going downhill since they decided to let women in. This would never have been happened if it wasn’t for the tragic events of ‘72, when the first women matriculated. Sadly, we are witnessing the quick decline and decay of our beloved college. You know it was bad when the proud men of Dartmouth started facing expulsion for what the feminists call “date rape.” The mere idea of “date rape” seems hard preposterous! I predicted that within only a few years we will have seen the demise of our beloved institution. RIP Dartmouth!
October 11th, 2007 at 11:23 am
I apologize for the erroneous insertion of the extra word hard in the above post. Only goes to show that hasty decisions, like the one that let women into Dartmouth, have the ability to mar nearly everything.
October 11th, 2007 at 11:41 am
Be glad you were allowed to attend when you did, sir. Your commentary makes it clear you wouldn’t be up to today’s intellectual snuff.
October 11th, 2007 at 11:59 am
D’06 doesn’t get it
October 11th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Is it supposed to be a column or really poorly written porn? Because it sure reads like the latter.
October 11th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
Talk about overshare.
So NOT arousing. I don’t think anything could put me less in the mood than this article. Except perhaps a vid of Drew Gilpin Faust’s sexytime.
October 11th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
is that supposed to be pubic hair in the diagram? gross - doesn’t everyone wax nowadays? hildes’ salon, 5 minutes walking distance of campus, Brazilian, $50. i wouldn’t expect a guy to go down on me if i didn’t at least get waxed first.
October 11th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
as a male straight male i have to say that both overly hairy and unkempt vaginas are very unappetizing. having said that, i also don’t like a completely shaved one. there is something infantile about a shaved vagina that disgusts me. i would gladly go down on a woman who is carefully trimmed and styled. of course, douched is just as important.
October 11th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
dope column, D needs to chill the fuck out
October 11th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Not to be “that girl” but her diagram is a little off. The urethral opening and the vagina are not that far apart.
October 11th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
That was I who made the comment about her being a lesbian. I got completely confused and was thinking about a brunette friend of hers, who is a slightly overweight lesbian. My bad. They’re always together.
October 11th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
seriously, way to screw up. if aurora gets fired, i’m totally blaming you shitheads.
October 11th, 2007 at 8:43 pm
D ‘09.. douched? are you serious? we dont ask you to scrub your scummy balls before we suck you off. a clean vag is understandable, but douching is unhealthy and unnecessary. grow up, douche.
October 11th, 2007 at 8:45 pm
D ‘09.. douched? are you serious? we dont ask you to scrub your scummy balls before we suck you off. a clean vag is understandable, but douching is unhealthy and unnecessary. grow up, douche.
October 11th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
D ‘09.. douched? are you serious? we dont ask you to scrub your scummy balls before we suck you off. a clean vag is understandable, but douching is unhealthy and unnecessary. grow up, douche.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
“ummm”… triple post? are you serious?
October 12th, 2007 at 11:33 am
everyone just chill the fuck out.
if you dont like pussy, don’t read the column. if you care what girls like and care about showing your hookups a good time and being remembered as “that girl” or “that guy” who made me come first, then read the column.
but mostly just fucking CHILL. jesus. vag is not the end of the world.
October 12th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
too late, D08. aurora got fired. ivygate ruined it- congrats dbags.
October 12th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
if theD fired her because of that, they are a bunch of self-righteous douchebags and aurora would do well not to have anything to do with them.
October 12th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Was she really fired? Don’t leap to blame Ivygate, Y07. Aurora embarassed The D by emailing the edited elements of her op-ed to Ivygate…she was actively criticizing The D and like any private institution, they don’t need a trouble-making embarassment on their staff. Was she even a real staff writer?
If she was fired over the content of the original op-ed, I hope The D fired everyone in the chain who approved the publication. While the content and language used in the op-ed was inappropriate for The D to print, the author is not the sole party to blame.
Please note that the op-ed was not inappropriate to be printed at all…just not in The D. She has a right to write whatever she wants and The D has a right to discriminate between quality and crassness in what it publishes. Both parties have freedom of speech. The D has much more egg on their face…they lose some serious credibility by reducing their standards to print the childish vulgarity of the “Eating Out” op-ed and at least one of the response op-eds.
October 13th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
“That was I who made the comment about her being a lesbian. I got completely confused and was thinking about a brunette friend of hers, who is a slightly overweight lesbian. My bad. They’re always together.”
slightly? ha
October 13th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
love the ‘cuntoisseur’ tees. Maybe it will be the new rage on campus.
http://moeschwag.com/c.html
October 14th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
I think Aurora did a commendable job with this piece. She was responsible in addressing safe sex and the entire article was very well-written. It seems clear that her intention was not to present a scientific analysis, but rather to write a fun, witty column and to give useful advice on what many consider to be a beloved American pastime. As far as I can tell, she succeeded in both respects. I think many would agree with me that it was a very fun read. Cheers, Aurora. And Cheers to the vajayjay–in all its magic and glory.
October 18th, 2007 at 4:43 am
I think our perspectives here at Yale might be slightly biased considering the fine caliber of journalism that we’re exposed to in the Rumpus, combined with the fact that we invite porn stars to come and show us how to use dildos made by guest speakers (re. sex week @ yale). In any case, do we really need a diagram attached in the age of google?
October 20th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
$50 for a Brazilian? that sounds expensivish