BREAKING NEWS: Gawker/Dealbreaker Uncover Huge Ivy League Douchebag
Gawker and Dealbreaker are writing about the sad saga of John Fitzgerald Page, Wharton ’88 and Ivy League douchebag extraordinaire. This is usually our territory, so we feel a bit jealous/remiss in bringing you sloppy seconds.
As it were, these are excellent sloppy seconds. Here is an excerpt from an email Page sent to a potential Match.com date:
So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don’t blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel’s Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren’t any more of those!”
The 36-year-old Wharton graduate currently lives in Atlanta, where, if his website is to be believed, he banks/models/personal trains/acts/beats Vayner’s records for personal development etc.
Our favorite part is the Napoleon Dynamite-like “Skills” section, in which Page describes some other things he’s incredible at:
Soccer (State Championship Game), Bowling & Archery (State Championship Match), Baseball, Skiing, Swimming, Weightlifting (Bench & Leg Press/Squat over 1200 lbs. combined), Golf (Hole in One), Volleyball, Football, Billiards, Softball
DIALECTS & ACCENTS: English, Southern, New Yorker, Aristocrat, British, Irish, Australian, French, Indian.”
Our only consolation in getting scooped by Gawker on our own beat is knowing that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of Ivy League douchebags we have yet to reveal!
