BREAKING NEWS: Gawker/Dealbreaker Uncover Huge Ivy League Douchebag
Gawker and Dealbreaker are writing about the sad saga of John Fitzgerald Page, Wharton '88 and Ivy League douchebag extraordinaire. This is usually our territory, so we feel a bit jealous/remiss in bringing you sloppy seconds.
As it were, these are excellent sloppy seconds. Here is an excerpt from an email Page sent to a potential Match.com date:
So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don't blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren't any more of those!"
The 36-year-old Wharton graduate currently lives in Atlanta, where, if his website is to be believed, he banks/models/personal trains/acts/beats Vayner's records for personal development etc.
Our favorite part is the Napoleon Dynamite-like "Skills" section, in which Page describes some other things he's incredible at:
Soccer (State Championship Game), Bowling & Archery (State Championship Match), Baseball, Skiing, Swimming, Weightlifting (Bench & Leg Press/Squat over 1200 lbs. combined), Golf (Hole in One), Volleyball, Football, Billiards, Softball
DIALECTS & ACCENTS: English, Southern, New Yorker, Aristocrat, British, Irish, Australian, French, Indian."
Our only consolation in getting scooped by Gawker on our own beat is knowing that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of Ivy League douchebags we have yet to reveal!
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October 11th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
My favorite website quote: “I was educated at the University of Pennsylvania, an Ivy League institution founded in 1740 by Benjamin Franklin - the oldest university in the nation.”
i mean, give him a break on everything else, sure, but that’s patently wrong.
oh, also: “I have saved 2 of these companies almost $1 million dollars combined.”
um, yeah, not so impressive- i think we can all list at least one friend in ibanking who’s made several hundred for his company…
October 11th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
LEGEND!
October 11th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
i want to have his babies
October 11th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
You guys are not only late at breaking it, you’re late at breaking the followup. The guy did NOT go to Wharton: http://www.dealbreaker.com/2007/10/we_will_never_trust_another_hu_3.php
Although on his website (which is AWESOME, by the way, I still can’t believe he’s for real) he says he went to college at Penn, and “took courses” at Wharton as an undergrad. So even though he lied about the Wharton MBA and isn’t recognized as a Wharton alum, he might still be Ivy. Unless he lied about that, too, of course.
October 11th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
You guys are not only late at breaking it, you’re late at breaking the followup. The guy did NOT go to Wharton: http://www.dealbreaker.com/2007/10/we_will_never_trust_another_hu_3.php
Although on his website (which is AWESOME, by the way, I still can’t believe he’s for real) he says he went to college at Penn, and “took courses” at Wharton as an undergrad. So even though he lied about the Wharton MBA and isn’t recognized as a Wharton alum, he might still be Ivy. Unless he lied about that, too, of course.
October 11th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
y08 beat me to the punch, but there is more than one historical inaccuracy in that sentence.
I’m still not impressed since he hasn’t mastered the true sports of elitist bastards: yachting, polo, tennis, etc.
Lastly, if this page doesn’t make you laugh, I don’t know what will: http://johnfitzgeraldpage.com/Fitness.aspx
And yes, I do have too much time on my hands to look through that webpage.
October 11th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
one of my friends looked him up in the penn database. not an alum either at penn a&s or wharton.
October 11th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
He’s still answering his phone but has developed an attitude.
October 11th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
His name is “John Fitzgerald Page”…..douchbaggery right there.
October 11th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
lol, you called him?! sweet.
I like how he’s completely ignorant of the fact that a Mensa membership is fairly easy for any of us to get, and that a freakin’ GPA has NOTHING to do with getting membership.
October 11th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
I dont care that he can bench press 1200 pounds.
That man is the fattest fitness model I have ever seen.
Ever.
October 11th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
It’s easy to get in touch with Master Douche, he leaves his contact info all over the web. He must pick up nigerian scams and russian mail order brides all day long.
Try this at home:
John Fitzgerald Page
2870 Pharr Court South, Unit 1508
Atlanta, GA, 30305
sgnu88@hotmail.com
404-783-3464
The good folks at fark.com have been trolling him all afternoon. He’s prolly in a real good mood now.
October 11th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Verizon Wireless - Obvious Tourist
The Last Adam - Stand-In
Bobby Jones, Stroke of Genius - Opponent
The Gospel - Hip Hop Concertgoer
Holiday Inn - Waterpark Frolicker
October 11th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
He definitely has gayface in his muscle pics. I think the gays will agree. Someday when he realizes it, he’ll be a hot piece and the poseur extravaganza will fall away; I think his insecurity and inability to truly love himself is where a lot of his boastfulness comes from.
Wow. Someone needs to shake me out of it. That was far too empathetic.
October 11th, 2007 at 8:17 pm
man, what a total fuck. this is why i hate the ivy league. i feel surrounded by nascent jerks just waiting to become morons of epic proportion (like this guy) at columbia all the time.
October 11th, 2007 at 8:19 pm
ew his face looks like an ass
October 11th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
umm, mensa? all of us could have tested into mensa in the fourth grade. while totally plastered. after taking the test just because we were bored.
October 11th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
i bet he’s a virgin.
October 11th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
he is so totally a virgin.
October 11th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Loved the Gawker piece. Dealbreaker, as usual, just piled on and is trying to grab credit. As for Dealbreaker’s follow-up mentioned above, they got that completely wrong. So much for their crack fact-checking. He DID go to Wharton, I looked him up myself in Penn’s alumni directory. This is what they have listed for John Fitzgerald Page:
Academic
Degree BA
Class Year 1990
School School of Arts & Sciences
Additional Academic
Preferred Penn Year 1990
Other Degree M.B.A.
Other Institution Wharton School of Business
Other Degree 1991
Professional
Job Function Mergers & Acquisitions
Job Title Financial Analyst
Employer Name Limited Brands
Employer Other
Business Street 1 Limited Brands
Business Street 2 3 Limited Parkway
Business Street 3
Business Street 4
Business City Columbus
Bus. State/Province OH
Bus. Zip/Postal Code 432301467
Business Country United States
Business Telephone
Fax
Business URL http://www.limitedbrands.com
October 11th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Loved the Gawker piece. Dealbreaker, as usual, just piled on and is trying to grab credit. As for Dealbreaker’s follow-up mentioned above, they got that completely wrong. So much for their crack fact-checking. He DID go to Wharton, I looked him up myself in Penn’s alumni directory. This is what they have listed for John Fitzgerald Page:
Academic
Degree BA
Class Year 1990
School School of Arts & Sciences
Additional Academic
Preferred Penn Year 1990
Other Degree M.B.A.
Other Institution Wharton School of Business
Other Degree 1991
Professional
Job Function Mergers & Acquisitions
Job Title Financial Analyst
Employer Name Limited Brands
Employer Other
Business Street 1 Limited Brands
Business Street 2 3 Limited Parkway
Business Street 3
Business Street 4
Business City Columbus
Bus. State/Province OH
Bus. Zip/Postal Code 432301467
Business Country United States
Business Telephone
Fax
Business URL http://www.limitedbrands.com
October 11th, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Apologies for the duplicate post. The site seemed to hang. :(
October 11th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
Ah, but what is the truth? “The 36-year-old”? If he undergraduated in 1990 (like me) he’s probably a 40 year old. And Sigma Nu ‘88 from his email address? That could mean he’s 42ish.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:25 pm
oh my god guys… you have to email him. He’s responding personally to every email he gets, usually with “Oh yeah, well I dare you to say it to my face!”.
He actually used that line twice on me. In five minutes.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
It’s not really an accomplishment when half your resume consists of bit parts in Tyler Perry movies.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
oh god he’s still going
i’m generally not much for harassing random people, but this is too funny. you all seriously have to try it.
October 11th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
just sent him an e-mail, i wonder if he’ll respond!
“hahvahd hottie”
October 11th, 2007 at 11:44 pm
why is the article no longer on fark? i had it in my browsing history from earlier on today and now it says “That article is no longer available.”
October 12th, 2007 at 12:01 am
“Indian” is not a language. Idiot.
October 12th, 2007 at 12:03 am
“Indian” is not a language.
October 12th, 2007 at 12:17 am
Forgive me, isn’t Indian the language spoken by people from India? Not to say this guy isn’t a giant douche.
October 12th, 2007 at 1:05 am
@d10
I hope you aren’t serious…
October 12th, 2007 at 1:17 am
@d10
lol. You’re basically calling English “American”, except even more wrong.
October 12th, 2007 at 1:32 am
dartmouth class of ‘10 clearly producing some strong candidates for “dumbest in the ivy” awards. indian’s not a language.
nonetheless, i am quite impressed by his “accent” skills- irish is QUITE tricky to pull off. all in all, this man is quite impressive- i really like his chest shots, they show me what i should aspire to.
October 12th, 2007 at 9:23 am
to be fair, there is a stereotypical “indian” accent…
October 12th, 2007 at 9:35 am
Nearly every sentence of his About Me page starts with “I” - tell-tale sign of a douchebag.
October 12th, 2007 at 9:40 am
I’ve never heard people name their ability to speak in accents as a salient characteristic of their personality. No legacy for this guy!
October 12th, 2007 at 10:02 am
The official language of India is “Hindi,” fellow d10. Sorry. Does sound a lot like “Indian,” though, and it is common practice in English for the demonymic adjective to also be the noun for a country’s language (eg, “English”), so the mistake is understandable.
October 12th, 2007 at 10:33 am
so he makes a point out of sharing his ‘myheritage celebrity lookalikes’ on the skills page, but only seems to list the “normal” ones like matthew perry… when I did it with his photo, I got the following:
ahnold (63%)
sophie marceau (62%)
dino zoff (62%)
jennifer garner (61%)
peter gallagher (61%)
barack obama (57%)
courtney thorne-smith (57%)
kenneth branagh (55%)
dude’s an ugly chick, it seems like
October 12th, 2007 at 11:42 am
Obviously the best part is that he discusses accents and dialects. That is awesome.
October 12th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Wait… hold up… is he serious?
I was done when I read the accents and dialects section. Hilarity!!!
October 12th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
he does not get the joke. He just updated his homepage with a message for all to read. http://johnfitzgeraldpage.com/ I guess he is real after all. I vote that Penn be disqualified from the Ivy League for accepting douche bags like Mr Page.
October 12th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Hindi is ONE of like a zillion different official languages, d10. Just because you live in the woods is no excuse to be ignorant.
October 12th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
also, he DREW HIS EYEBROWS ON WITH A PEN(N)
October 12th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
It’s Bimmer,not Beemer. A Beemer is a BMW motorcycle.
October 12th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
It’s Bimmer,not Beemer. A Beemer is a BMW motorcycle.
October 12th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
Umm.. “I am an avid traveler and have been to St. Thomas & St. John, Aruba and Zurich. I have lived in / visited almost every major city in the United States, having seen 38 of the 50 states. ”
O SHIT you’re so well-traveled! what with having gone to three places outside of the states. Christ.
October 12th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
i feel surrounded by nascent jerks just waiting to become morons of epic proportion (like this guy) at columbia all the time.”
….UMM, that’s because you GO to Columbia, a place for liberal dorks.
October 13th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
As others have noted, Indian is not a language, but Hindi, Bengali, Urdu, etc. are.
This is what happens when people attempt to extend their activities into areas where they are clearly lacking in talent. He can’t act worth a damn, not even act like an Ivy Leaguer.
-Half Indian, non-Hindi-speaking, American English fluent, B-School prof. Hoping to extend my own talents someday into film directing!
October 15th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
Not to mention how remarkable it is that he can do an “aristocrat” accent . . . I assume he’s referring to ancient Greek aristocrats, Muslim Sayyids, Middle Ages European nobility, and hundreds of other aristocrats all wrapped into one accent.
October 17th, 2007 at 9:46 am
I looked at a condo in his purportedly exclusive highrise (the Concorde). Let’s just say you can get a two-bedroom, two-bath on the 19th floor (he’s apparently on the 15th) for around $200K. Oh, and also the building is next to a retirement community.
October 17th, 2007 at 10:04 am
For the record, John went to Penn’s College of Arts and Sciences (Class of 90) where he majored in Economics not to Wharton. I don’t think his website purports to be a Wharton alum — get your facts right Ivy Gate.
October 27th, 2007 at 10:03 am
Their is an old resume online
His classes in Wharton he claimed were in accounting and criminology
so he took 2 classes at Wharton
I am an undergraduate at a non ivy and i’ve taken one graduate class and am taking one now. I’d not say that I took grad school classes at USF EVEN IF I went to a a worse Grad School (I’m looking at you Ohio State.. for giving this guy a Business degree)
November 21st, 2007 at 3:52 pm
I think when you purposely email this person repeatedly because you think it is funny to be a jerk to someone whom you feel has been a jerk, then you are just as bad as them, if not worse. If everyone in this country acted with such ignorance and immaturity we would all be at war with one another and this would be no great country to brag about. Thank goodness we don’t all act like that. Shame on the ones with children, what a lousy example you set for your children, for any children on how to respond to someone who is innapropriate and rude. You are just like him to think you are better even though you show the same immature behavior. Seriously, look at yourself. Is this how you want to be remembered by others? Is this the example you want to send to others?… Little ones who may be looking up to you?
November 21st, 2007 at 3:54 pm
I think when you purposely email this person repeatedly because you think it is funny to be a jerk to someone whom you feel has been a jerk, then you are just as bad as them, if not worse. If everyone in this country acted with such ignorance and immaturity we would all be at war with one another and this would be no great country to brag about. Thank goodness we don’t all act like that. Shame on the ones with children, what a lousy example you set for your children, for any children on how to respond to someone who is innapropriate and rude. You are just like him to think you are better even though you show the same immature behavior. Seriously, look at yourself. Is this how you want to be remembered by others? Is this the example you want to send to others?… Little ones who may be looking up to you?
December 8th, 2007 at 8:14 am
ha ha. met this guy last night. not that cool. definitely no rich arrogant world beater to be envied or hated….not at all. My man is just a scared poor boy done well who just can’t shake the insecurities and fear of his humble beginnings and instead just enjoy what he has done so well to accomplish. Bro…if you’re out there…you need to calm the fuck down. Before I even realized who you were, I honestly thought you were one of the most insecure people I’d been around in present memory. Here’s a hint…if you’re trying to portay yourself as the real deal understand that the real deal never does their own marketing. Real deals don’t judge those not blessed with the same talents, skills or opportunities. The more you tell people how effectively you’re bringing it the more obvious people realize that you’re probably only trying to convince yourself.
December 8th, 2007 at 8:42 am
overheard him refer to people last night as “randoms” and “riff raff”. Didn’t realize who he was but turned around and sarcastically yet aggressively asked him how terrible that the “randoms” and “riff raff” make things so tedious. Was definitely trying him and everyone around knew it. Felt kind of like a bully though…I’m just under 6′2″ which is not huge but I was TOWERING over our boy. I felt like I was about to bitch slap a japanese fourth grader. Say this about him…he can probably run some numbers and he can definitely pick up on the potential danger of passive aggressive sarcasm used as a tool of provocation.