Last week Penn '06 Will Frank proved his geek-chic chops when Three 6 Mafia named him winner of the Beauty & the Geek rap battle challenge. This week Will hangs on to the lead, sidestepping his jealous, light-saber-wielding geek housemates, all of them working feverishly to learn the Art of Cool and to unseat our rotund, squeaky-voiced hero. But before I get to the gory details, allow me to set the scene.

The show opens with a champagne party, celebrating Natalie and John's narrow escape from the jaws of defeat. Froth bubbles over, strawberries materialize, the beauties nibble their succulent red fruits seductively. It's like a bad ad for Dove chocolate. Amidst the schmoozing, Hollie reveals that, much like Will and every other geek on the planet, she loves anime. I knew it! Hollie is a plant! She's "downright geeky," testifies Will. LARPer Dave goes misty-eyed and marvels "We have... so much in common."

After the jump: B&G Truth-or-Dare!

B&G Truth-or-Dare! Sam dares Rebecca to give John a lapdance. Rebecca dares male beauty Sam to take his clothes off and make sweet love to her. Female-geek Nicole is a tight-lipped prude, so she chooses truth, and reveals that her ideal man is the "alpha nerd;" she is highly attracted to some of the super-luscious losers in the B&G mansion. The male geeks' collective breath grows deep and ragged.

Noticing the growing tension between Sam and Rebecca, Hollie hollers "Get a room!" "Okay," they respond and actually go to a bedroom, shut the door, hit the lights, and -- cue the night-vision camcorder! -- start groping and moaning. We get a flash of Rebecca's bare ass -- oh, my bad, flesh-toned leggings. I conclude that leggings were invented by a pervy man because girls in spandex may as well be naked; since when does changing the color of your ass and legs count as wearing pants?

Will is Rebecca's partner, and he contemplates how this will affect their competitiveness. By which I mean, he wonders if he can catch herpes from Sam and Rebecca's dirty sex sheets if they make hay in his bed.

The next morning host Michael Richards makes creepy jokes about Sam and Rebecca's sex life, then reveals the day's challenge: "Finding your way to each other's hearts... and femurs, and coccyxes!" The beauties will learn anatomy. Rebecca and Will have it in the bag: As a massage therapist, Rebecca knows the ins and outs of the human body. She aced deep-tissue spleen-massage, and don't even get her started on pancreatic jujitsu.

Geeks arrive at an outdoor market for a shopping challenge: The critical art of constructing gift baskets. wtf? The beauties will vote on the winning basket, because that is generally how the female of the species chooses her mate. Fine jams and somersausage.

Will, wearing wrap-around reflective sunglasses, purchases fine soap. Jesse wanders into a drugstore and starts rattling off girl-world cliches: "Unicorns... girls like these... the color pink, things that are sweet..." And raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens! He ends up with a unicorn coloring book, a pink hat, and candy.

Princeton astrophysics grad student Joshua Green buys a strawberry pie piled high with whipped cream and molten berry goo. How will he get that in the basket? At the sight of television cameras the baker breaks into a Hungarian folk song. Joshua wastes precious time begging the pie-man to shut his goddamn pie-hole.

Will chooses of mahogany-hued basket and fills it with jewel-toned candles, soaps, and cinnamon-scented comforts. "I didn't realize at the time, I was creating a theme," he confesses in a well-inflected falsetto, "but then it came to me. Fall Harvest."

The girls line up to judge the baskets. Rebecca and Erin freak out about Jesse's coloring book and unicorns: soooooo cuuuuuuute! they squeal at a pitch typically beyond the range of the human ear. Shalandra says Harvest Time is "the definition of my softer side." Joshua's pie is a mess and totally disgusting. The girls turns in the ballots, and... it's Will for the win! That's his second win in a row!

I'd like to thank the Academy, my parents, and God. Will credits his success to "stength, confidence, and self-assuredness." He runs his chubby fingers through his balding hair, beaming with glee and pride. Rebecca is overjoyed because they are immune from elimination; she gets one more night in Sam's strong, sexy arms.

Back at the house, the geeks don spandex suits illustrated with internal organs, and beckon the beauties for their anatomy lessons. They lounge in boudoir poses while the beauties study their physique. "This is the aorta!" Jasmine sings in a her trademark baby voice, index finger to LARPer Dave's spandex. "This is the hepa-pada-poo-poo! Help! This is hard!" LARPer isn't much better. "But you're supposed to be smart!" his beauty complains. "I'm in the physical sciences, not biology," he replies. "This is physical!" she cries gesturing to LARPer's chest. "It's your body!"

Ba-dum-ching.

Untouchable winners of everything but the kitchen sink, Will and Rebecca, get to choose both elimination-round teams. "Thank god I've got Rebecca in my steely grip," Sam sighs (OK, I made up the "steely grip" part but still), recognizing that he is persona-most-non-grata in the house (other, of course, than Rebecca). Becca the Slut chooses Hollie and Josh because H is already a geek, and J is already "handsome and charming," ergo their inclusion is a little ridic. "How can she question my transformation, when she spends all her time making out with Sam instead of working on her transformation!?" cries an indignant, highly transformative Hollie.

Hollie vows to make Rebecca's life hell.

But she will never have a chance, as she and Josh lose the elimination round, due to Josh's failure to recognize the ninth wedding anniversary as the traditional one for gifting leather and whips. Dead serious. I guess once you get past the seven-year-itch, you get kinky and whatnot. My research says it's more about willow branches and gardening gloves, but who am I to judge producer Ashton Kutcher. He's married to Demi Moore. And you know they have a treasure chest of leather and whips -- nine years or not.