Why It Sucks to Be a Freshman at Penn
Because after only two weeks with strangers in a strange land, you might get made fun of by a jackass 14,000-circulation magazine you’ve never heard of, by soulless editors you’ve never seen, for trying to appear confident/fetching in a headshot taken at Sears that your mom probably made you dress for. Penn ‘11, meet 34th Street Magazine’s “Freshmen Superlatives.”
(Let’s get full disclosures out of the way: I was Editor-in-Chief of 34th Street in 2006. Go ahead and complain, but I don’t even know half of these people anymore.)
Street, the Daily Pennsylvanian’s weekly culture magazine, released in today’s first issue its annual–and highly popular, as these things go–”Superlatives.” In years past this meant stealing a copy of the freshmen directory, scanning funny headshots and writing a superlative for each (think high school yearbook). “Superlative” eventually became “random asshole comment,” and this year the University didn’t even publish a freshmen directory. Street editors took shots from Facebook instead.
Click on the top image for a JPEG of unrelenting abasement. And if you’re a Penn freshman not seen here, you’ve dodged your first bullet.
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September 13th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
I fucking love Freshmen Superlatives.
September 13th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
I fucking hate Freshmen Superlatives…I was one. Thank you, Street.
September 14th, 2007 at 12:11 am
awesome idea
September 14th, 2007 at 1:13 am
Hey Ivygate aka Penn-Troll-Number-One, how about covering some real news, like the sudden resignation of your admissions chief Mr. Stetson, and the rumors of an alleged affair with a current Penn student?
September 14th, 2007 at 1:14 am
Hey Ivygate aka Penn-Troll-Number-One, how about covering some real news, like the sudden resignation of your admissions chief Mr. Stetson, and the rumors of an alleged affair with a current Penn student?
September 14th, 2007 at 3:18 am
Isn’t that an old story from like 359 years ago?
When you remember IvyGate stories from years back, you know it’s time to reexamine your life…
September 14th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
I also love freshman superlatives . . . but they are usually funnier than this. Maybe it’s because with the freshman directory, you had to send in a pic by the spring/summer of your senior year of high school in order for it to be included, and most kids were even more clueless at that point.