The Most Depressing YDN Article You Will Ever Read
Jun Teresa Ding, thus far unknown but now on my Ivy League serial killer watch-list, had this to say about her three years thus far at Yale. "I have made relatively few friends."
Why? Well, charming Teresa sort of answers this question herself.
"I cannot stand conversations without real substance... I am tired of is people talking when they have nothing to say... Excessive exclamations also get on my nerves."
After the jump, the rest of the op-ed, including the Nine Annoying Traits that the "majority" of "normal" Yalies with "friends" display.
It's OK if you don't fit in with 'majority'
By Jun Teresa Ding/Yale Daily News
September 12, 2007
This September marks the beginning of my fourth year at Yale. The fact that I will soon leave Yale has compelled me to examine and write out some of my thoughts, for they are particular to this time of my life and writing them down distills the moment. They may seem random from point to point because the mind does not work according to the structure of a treatise, and I wish to remain truthful to mine.
I have made relatively few friends at Yale. Why? Well, that's the question I would ask myself whenever I feel like a wallflower. Someone once said to me: "Teresa, you are always looking for people to impress you. You want them to say things that you have not heard before, and when they don't, you are disappointed and annoyed."
Forget about the impressing part. I am not looking for people to speak about things that I do not understand, but I am very particular about the quality of conversations that I have with others. Different people are particular about different things. My personality happened to make me like what the majority at Yale is not too passionate about and hate what the majority finds acceptable.
For example, I enjoy solidarity, but I cannot stand conversations without real substance. That's not to say I need to talk philosophy every day during lunch; I can also chat about whole milk vs. skim milk and have a fun time being mundane. What I am tired of is people talking when they have nothing to say. It is like a syndrome or something; because we are Yalies, we have to talk. No matter how dispassionate we feel about the subject, we have to participate actively and insert our comments.
Excessive exclamations also get on my nerves, such as "that food is SO disgusting," "you were SO great in your performance," and "I am SO mad he said that." Honey, adding "so" in every sentence does not make you sound more sincere--just fake and exaggerated.
Can we really point to a group of people and call them the majority at Yale? Or is everyone a minority but some disguise it better than others and thus appear to be the "popular" majority? I tend to think that the majority does exist, and my superficial observations in the past three years have led me to think they are (of course, there are some generalizations, so not necessarily every one of the following applies to each member of the majority):
1. Ambitious
2. Loud
3. Able to get personal with the professors from the first day of classes
4. Constantly on the phone, as if they are trying to work out a solution for world peace
5. Uniquely styled when they come into the classroom, whether it be colorful pajamas or modelicious outfits
6. Regularly having sex
7. Busy with tons of extracurricular activities that allow them to meet similar people
8. Eating dinners in packs
9. Workout maniacs
I, on the other hand, am:
1. Not executing any concrete plan on becoming Teresa Ding the Great
2. Quiet, unless I have a point to make
3. Uncertain and hesitant about whom to ask for grad school recommendations
4. Succinct--my phone conversations normally do not exceed a minute
5. Practically invisible to the fashion eye
6. Still a virgin
7. Working a million jobs that keep me away from people my age
8. Eating dinners alone more often than with company
9. Not too into sweating
I admit, it is very hard to have confidence when you do not belong to the majority, but please know that nothing is wrong with you. Very few things in this world are absolute, and having fewer friends certainly doesn't mean antisocial, bad or unsuccessful. Jump out of the fixed mind-set of what is normal, good and successful. Although I do not fit into the majority profile of having many friends, the few I have are special and sufficient to me.
To the class of 2011, I wish you all a happy Yale experience, whether it be in the majority or minority category. If there is one thing that I can say is absolutely good, it is happiness. Let it guide you on becoming who you will become.
Jun Teresa Ding is a senior in Trumbull College.
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September 14th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Jun, I suspect you may be a borderline to extreme introvert. In any case, I empathize. I don’t mind talking about the weather or pop culture, but only AFTER I know that I can have substantive conversation with counterparties. (Cav is a Class of ‘88 Cornell grad).
September 14th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
now we know why she’s still a virgin; the girl’s got a stick up her ass!
September 14th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Well, she has 811 facebook friends, for whatever that is worth…
September 14th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Hey Teresa, I sympathize with your perspective. I used to think similarly myself. But I just want to throw out the thought that your fellow Yalies may not be as stupid as you think they are–they are at Yale, which (with notable exceptions) is about as smart as it gets at the undergrad level–and that some of them may actually help move us toward world peace one day. In fact, their social skills may be key in enabling that work. Is this a bad thing? I don’t believe it is.
September 14th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
I saw this article in the YDN before it was posted here, and my gut reaction to it was positive. I took it at face value: a person who doesn’t feel the need to join in the crowd telling other people it is okay to not join the crowd either. If you are happy sitting alone at dinner reading a book, so be it. I was surprised to see it reposted here with the title “The Most Depressing YDN Article You Will Ever Read.” I can imagine how someone who was an exemplar of the first list might be depressed at the prospect of having to act like an exemplar of the second, but the same could be said in reverse. I, like most people, fall somewhere in between the two extremes. I get plenty of reinforcement from the crowd when I exhibit first list characteristics; I liked this article for reminding me that those second list qualities of mine are perfectly good routes to happiness as well.
September 14th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
I think alot of people fall somewhere in between the extremes, as you do. Yet, I think most people deliberately choose one or the other extreme (and in the process exhibit somewhat spurious behavior) in order to gain social acceptance.
September 14th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
I can see her ending up like the woman in the movie _Secretary_. Something about wanting people to put her outside her comfort zone of what she knows already, keeping things quiet and orderly, doesn’t say much, and feels “invisible to the fashion eye”, and (the kicker) a virgin female at Yale. Shall we order your leather bodice and furry handcuffs now, or wait for graduation?
September 14th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Dudes. Seriously. This article freaked me the hell out. Why would the YDN run something that makes Yalies look like worse nutjob freakshows than we actually are?
By the way, this girl’s facebook profile picture is an absolute glamour shot. It’s all very strange.
September 14th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
is she proud of herself or something? is being a social outcast something to be proud of? everyone here is acting like her article has some sort of deeper meaning… she’s just that silent bitchy girl who thinks she’s better than everyone else because she’s wiser and deeper. this isn’t some article to be like “well she does have a point.. don’t join the majority.” no this is an article to be like “wow. that girl is fucked up and socially inept.”
September 15th, 2007 at 12:31 am
it took courage to write what she did, because she has to deal with what assholes like “not applying to yale” say about her.
September 15th, 2007 at 12:41 am
Still, though, the article is fairly hostile toward “the majority”, especially when she refers to small talk being “fake and exaggerated”. Just because it took courage to write the article doesn’t mean that nothing is wrong about it, and just because she doesn’t fit into the mainstream at Yale doesn’t give her the prerogative to chastise the majority for what they do. Personally, I don’t see any reason to publish something like that other than for attention, and if that is what she truly wants, then she isn’t really much of an introvert.
September 15th, 2007 at 1:17 am
i think her and johann loh (princeton) are a match made in ivy league opinion column heaven
http://dailyprincetonian.com/search.jsp?currentPage=0&doSubmit=true&searchString=johann%20loh&minDateYear=1879&minDateMonth=1&minDateDay=1&maxDateYear=2007&maxDateMonth=9&maxDateDay=15§ion0=true§ion1=true§ion2=true§ion3=true§ion4=true§ion5=true§ion6=true§ion7=true§ion8=true§ion9=true§ion10=true
September 15th, 2007 at 1:18 am
damn. sorry for messing up the page. you can delete the link if you want.
September 15th, 2007 at 2:41 am
Is Princeton really the bastion of drunk, southern, vapid, privileged frat boys and insipid whores that Johann Loh portrays it as? (Considering it for grad school.)
September 15th, 2007 at 4:35 am
No. Like anywhere else, Princeton is what you choose to make of it. Johann Loh is just thriving by making himself a pseudo-intellectual outsider. Meh.
September 15th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
That’s a fabulous article.
September 15th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
@ Not Applying to Yale: If you think all Yalies are like this, you are wrong. If, as you seem to, you think that people automatically assumed this had a deeper meaning because this girl is a Yalie, you are also wrong. Before you generalize you should probably know that there was a wide reaction on campus to this article - mostly negative but it did start a debate. And, regardless of what you may think, the debate did not center on whether she was an effective writer (most people felt the article to be brackish or off-putting at best) but whether the generalizations she made were true or even bad. The striking thing is how extroverted this defense of introversion is and how out on a limb she goes to prove her distinctness. Most people felt it wasn’t fair to either the “majority” or “minority”, at least the ones I talked to. So no, nobody went “Well, I better cancel my appearance at the Toga Party tonight” because of this editorial.
PS There are quite a few other things I would like to say but, because of a fear of mis-representing Yale students as a whole, I will leave them to the imagination of others. We really are nice, social people… It is just that I personally get tired of putting up with all the crap Yale takes because of the misconceptions people have about its students.
September 15th, 2007 at 9:15 pm
hahaha, what a joke. I can’t believe YDN published this nonsense. the girl obviously has serious issues, and Yale students are sitting around having “debates”
September 15th, 2007 at 10:30 pm
This is the first time I’ve seen such a pessimistic opinion about Yalies from a Yalie! SOMEONE NEEDS A HUG.
But I think the last few sentences are very good. I also think it took courage to write this, because she has, and will continue to get negative attention. I think she wrote this to qualify her own behavior to herself, and to make herself feel less alone. It is very sad, but I don’t think many people at Yale feel this way.
September 15th, 2007 at 11:46 pm
@09yalie. i’m not an asshole (okay maybe i’m a little bit of an asshole) but helloo would you want to have a conversation with this chick like at dinner or something? someone who apparently dislikes those who are “ambitious” and like to work out, and those who are sociable enough to get to know professors.
like come on. i may have made some asshole comments, but at least i’ll admit that i’m proud to be ambitious, talkative, loud, extroverted, and fashion conscious. maybe i’m vapid, but you know what? i wouldn’t write a newspaper article bashing on people who keep to themselves. i have social decency.
and at Y’ 10 i don’t assume that all people at yale are like that. i’ve met some really interesting, funny, and sociable yallies. i’m not applying to yale for other reasons, not the article.
September 16th, 2007 at 11:16 am
no offense, but shut up prefrosh.
love,
people actually in an ivy league school
September 16th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
…said the Yalie, hiding behind his school’s name…
September 16th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Does anyone remember whether Holden Caufield went to Yale? I seem to remember that he did, but I could be wrong.
September 16th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Not sure. I know in Catcher in the Rye he was sixteen, so he definitely didn’t go to Yale in that one. He was in other Salinger books, though, but I haven’t read those.
September 16th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
holden caulfield only appears in catcher in the rye–(the other books, like nine stories and franny and zooey have stories about the glass family, not holden)–and as dmouth09 said, he doesn’t go to college because he’s too young. the prep school that caulfield goes to, pencey prep, is based on valley ford military academy and ursinus college, both of which salinger attended. hope this helps! and sorry that i wrote a paper on him… : )
September 16th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Well, J.D. Salinger DID take attend Columbia. Whether, he graduated or not I’m not sure.
September 16th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Well, J.D. Salinger DID take attend Columbia. Whether, he graduated or not I’m not sure.
September 16th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
I meant to say attend/take classes at Columbia. My bad.
September 17th, 2007 at 9:48 am
“Courage” to write this? Are you serious? It’s not exactly like her “outcast” status would be a huge revelation to anyone who knows this girl, and she’s pretty clear about blowing off the opinions of anyone she doesn’t know because she assumes they’re in the “majority” and therefore not worth her time.
I can think of a few Ivy schools that have definite “majority” cultures (Brown, Dartmouth) but does Yale have one that I’ve missed the last 2+ years? Is small talk and occasional sex enough to define a majority culture? Maybe it’s just because I engage in both of these things, but I don’t think so.
When I read this article the first time I didn’t take it terribly seriously, because I think she didn’t try hard enough to find a group that fit her. But it really worries me that so many other people think that it takes “courage” to tell people you don’t care about that you don’t care about them.
September 17th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
loser
September 17th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Isnt there anything to be said for talking aimlessly if only for the simple fact that (most) humans thrive on interacting? most of us need aimless conversation now and then to unwind and put the world on pause for a bit. i feel like it is almost rude not to engage in friendly, frivolous conversation with family and friends.
i’m guessing this girl doesnt drink either. she needs to smoke some grass. and never be issued a handgun permit.
theres no shame in having a state school social life with an ivy league brain.
September 17th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Why pay for therapy when the YDN will publish a disorganized jumble of your innermost thoughts, untouched by any editor, for the entire school to read? And please, I spent four years there and me LOTS of freaks. I refuse to believe, if she couldn’t find someone equally frumpy and anti-social, that she was looking hard enough. She failed at being a complete loser. How sad.
September 19th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
my friend just told me about this site today. wow, how impressed am I to see my article listed as “the most depressing YDN article you will ever read,” have to say, never expected that award.
Even more surprised to see people knew how many facebook friends I got, to be honest, I didn’t know that number myself.
I never tried to represent Yale in my article. I thought my foremost point was, that I am a minority at Yale. So if you think I am a freak, be reminded that Yale is not full of me.
The intention of my writing this, I thought was explained pretty clearly in the intro. I don’t see why people are debating about whether I am chastising the majority or not.
Would you be surprised if I say I didn’t know this article received so much negative comments at Yale (according to some commentor)? Perhaps b/c these people who didn’t like it just weren’t bold enough to tell it to my face.
Did I say that I hate the majority? I don’t understand where you guys get that from. For one thing, I have friends who belong to the majority, it is just that I do not belong to that group, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate some of their other qualities and thus become friends with them.
Clearly I am writing out some of the extremes here. If I write about the non-extremes, would you be able to form a picture in your head?
I do not consider myself a loser. The person who said that this article is about a girl who is fucked up never jumped out the fixed mindset of what is fine and enjoyable, and missed my point completely.
One of my purposes of writing this article is to show people that what you consider to be fucked up may not be fucked up after all. That’s why I say, do not be discouraged, do not think there is anything wrong with yourself if other people do not understand you and consider you an outcast. I didn’t say that those who are built with a majority personality should switch to a minority one, and stop going to parties. NO, I said that I wish you happinesss in either category. Because, in the end, majority and minority do not mean anything, it is happiness that matters.
Hopefully that cleared something up.
September 20th, 2007 at 6:23 am
Look, hon. The article came off as very, very judgmental, and it made you seem unpleasant. That’s what people are responding to. You say now that you think the “majority” lifestyle (and not to get sidetracked, but I think your conclusions re the minority and majority are really not on target; not every person you see in the dining hall has the qualities you ascribe to them seemingly by default) has nothing wrong with it, but that’s really not the way it came across. Seriously.
The whole thing had a very angry, hurt, and ultimately superior tone. I understand that maybe you didn’t get that, but it’s there. And it’s very strong.
September 24th, 2007 at 10:58 pm
I think my biggest problem with the article is with the term, “conversations without real substance.” What constitutes a substantial conversation versus a non-substantial one? I can see how there is general small talk or conversation that is bereft of intellect, both of which would probably fit my definitions of “conversations without real substance.” However, you said you could debate the merits of whole versus skim milk, and I fail to see how this would live up to your standards of a substantial conversation? Isn’t this just small talk fleshed out? Also, why do you think you are in the position to judge which conversation holds substance and which doesn’t?
I know you said you aren’t anti-social, but in many ways you are. Not enjoying simply conversation is somewhat anti-social because it is a fundamental aspect of human relationships and society. Although, you are right in saying there is nothing truly wrong with a person who has this personality trait. Not conforming to societal norms, however, does often make finding happiness more difficult for individuals. I am glad you seem to have found yours.