Hal, Jacob and I have written about Brown twice in the four weeks we’ve been editors, and since the one I did was bullshit, it’s really like 1.3. It’s nothing against Brown per se; more that our curriculum-less brethren run a quiet academy free from the whorish distractions of, say, Columbia. Surely this appealed to Reade Seligmann.

But if schools aren’t going to make news, we do offer a subchannel of coverage for which they might qualify once they’ve proven that news never will happen. Consider it IvyGate’s Medicaid, or like when NFL teams are so bad that they throw their last regular season game to get the first draft pick.

We’re writing about Brown today because a skunk is dominating its campus. Not Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, not the Democratic presidential candidates, but a skunk. No sarcasm, it’s article of the week. More after the jump.

Students frequenting the campus’ Wriston Quad, according to the Brown Daily Herald, have been smelling the foul stench of skunk regularly for the last few weeks. But when they actually see the violator — its stupid black and white stripes and death smell and high cackle all-too-real – they’re taken aback by its blue-blooded haughtiness:

Kelley Calkins ‘10, was surprised to see a skunk within 20 yards of Thayer Street early last week. “It was mad scary,” she said. “It was definitely walking like it owned the place, and I was a little taken aback by its arrogance.”

Calkins is one of many wiseacres quoted in this article. A more egregious sass-pants is Donna Butler, Brown’s Director of Custodial Services, who sucks at her job almost as badly as she sucks at PR:

Director of Custodial Services Donna Butler said that they had been unaware of the skunks’ presence on campus and that while there are occasionally problems with squirrels, rabbits, possums or raccoons, she had never heard reports of skunks before. She said Facilities Management would take action regarding skunks only if there were concerns or complaints addressed to custodial services. “We only react to the work order, we don’t hunt,” she said.

Such a prima, that Donna! I mean, we don’t write about Brown at IvyGate, but sometimes the circumstances require extra duties.