RagTime September 14, 2007: J.D. Porter Saves the Spectator
Brown: "Cameron Crazies" inspire the new "BrowNation," a democratic republic of unibrow fetishists.- Cornell: "Breaking Bread" program makes white and black people eat together, because white and black people hate each other
- Harvard: The Western canon: pedestrian, at best
- Penn: Third time's the charm for murder trials!
- Yale: Humanities are for pussies, students discover
You're probably wondering why our favorite news source, the Spectator, is missing. No, their website hasn't died again. We--OK, just me--wanted to devote some extra space for Spec's September 14 RagTime entry.
After the jump, some fascinating quotes from J.D. Porter's "Legacy Admissions are Stupid" column. I'm not picking on you, Spec. I really haven't enjoyed reading an article this much since "Tread Softly, For You Tread on My Dreams."
Top 5 Moments in J.D. Porter's "Legacy Admissions are Stupid Column:"
5. Legacy admissions initially came about because Ivy League administrators hated Jews. In the 1920s, they noticed that someone had been educating Jewish people, who were now better qualified for their schools than the traditional student body, the bored children of various industrial barons.
4. At least student athletes actually have to do something in exchange for admissions leniency, like kicking a ball, or rowing a paddle. This puts them far beyond the value, and probably skill set, of any legacy student.
3. Every one I know wishes they would shut up and go away. People aren't qualified to do things on the basis of their parents' skill sets. My dad was the top marksman in his class at West Point, but it would not be wise to choose me to defend America, or even a single American.
2. In 2003, the Journal reported that legacy kids at Harvard had a 40 percent admission rate, compared to 11 percent for everyone else. It's like Mike Tyson goes into the ring with a small child, and the Ivies are yelling "It's not fair! That kid gets to use both hands!"
1. For some reason people don't seem all that infuriated about this, even though the whole concept is about as fair as picking a deranged child to rule a nation because he's the firstborn. Well, the time has come to destroy that sickly child.
J.D., if you want to write for IvyGate, you start Monday.
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September 14th, 2007 at 11:13 am
holy smokes, that was the greatest article i’ve ever read. “Legacy admissions initially came about because Ivy League administrators hated Jews.” caused me to choke on the Coca-Cola i was unwittingly drinking at the time, and the whole thing maintained that level of inanity. Bravo, JD.
September 14th, 2007 at 11:32 am
in generally legacy admissions is a bad idea, it often brings those big donations in. then there are those others such as myself who are legacies by virtue of the fact that our parents happened to go to school in the 70s, though they hated every moment and vowed never to come back. at columbia, that set is a pretty decent sized group of bright kids, many of which are a hell of a lot smarter than j.d porter who is a giant asshat.
i don’t have the exact statstics to back me up, but im pretty sure legacy admits have a much greater chance of getting in at columbia than non-legacy students.
September 14th, 2007 at 11:56 am
I may be a non-legacy student, but I sure hope I can get my kids a break on getting in to Columbia when they’re 18. While I may have been upset at the concept when I applied to college, as an alumnus of an Ivy League school I can only hope that it will help my kids. Our time here (and lower admissions rates 30 years from now) will change all of our minds on this issue and turn us into giant hypocrites.
Don’t take ol’ J.D. seriously, he’s the Spec’s resident satirist. Some of his work is good enough to be in the New Yorker, and he may well end up there someday.
September 14th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
was the article not serious?
that’s a bummer
September 14th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
obviously the overblown rhetoric is tongue-in-cheek, which is what makes it so good. i’m trying to be earnest!
September 14th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
“rowing a paddle”
I love it!
September 16th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
Of course, what he fails to notice is that the average legacy student, as a result of coming from a more educated background, has a higher GPA, and graduates higher in his or her class, and with more honors, than the average non-legacy student. But whatever. J.D. can enjoy higher tuition rates when alumni giving suddenly dries up.
September 17th, 2007 at 12:12 am
cc10: The average legacy applicant has a higher SAT/GPA than the average non-legacy applicant, but the average legacy student has a lower SAT/GPA than the non-legacy student.
Whatever…legacies bring in the dough. Minorities bring in nothing but an easier curve.