• Brown: Fox News should spend more time with this Ivy League president 
• Columbia: Lee Bollinger: How fucking sick was it when I stuck it to that terrorist dude?
• Cornell: I suck at chess
• Dartmouth: Dems "gang up on Clinton" 
• Harvard: Ah yes, this is why I read the Crimson 
• Penn: A Democratic debate at a West Philly college? Has to be... Drexel!
• Princeton: "There comes a time in every person's life during which he or she questions the value, worth or relevance of his or her opinions in the grand scheme of things."
• Yale: Swimmingly good year for the ol' Yale coffers

Hal, Jacob and I can't empathize with the standard Ivy League Gordon-Gecko-wannabe, but we want one. Badly.

Wharton, Tuck, eponymouses and other Ivy dens of sin: please share your evil with us.

After the jump, find out how you can apply to be IvyGate's Business Manager.

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According to statistics I just made up, but which are probably true, almost %65 of Ivy League graduates go on to work in the financial services industry. At many Ivies September and October degenerate into grim rituals of greed and acquisition on behalf of both students and recruiters. Here are some unintenionally hilarious recruiting materials I found on the floor in Princeton's library.

After the jump -- "12:00 p.m. Lunch with a referral at her private club. She's wearing a velvet headband and pearls. I gear myself up for a very polite tutorial."

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We dispatched Daniel Belkin, Dartmouth senior and opinion columnist for the Dartmouth to give us a rundown on the school's furious preparations for tonight's debate. Stay tuned for his report on the event itself.

The mean streets of Hanover, New Hampshire seldom produce headlines that garner the attention of the world outside the confines of the White Mountains. Stories that chronicle squirrel infestations or scandals at the local Chinese restaurant (personally and affectionately deemed "Pandagate") are the ones that paint the broadsheets and tabloids of the Upper Valley of New Hampshire. But all that ends for at least today.

The gang of loveable losers vying for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination are rolling into Dartmouth for a nationally-televised debate as the eight aspiring chief executives continue their horserace to inherit the utter and complete mess that President Bush has left his screwed successor. Both MSNBC and New England Cable News are co-sponsoring the much anticipated verbal jousting match, airing live Wednesday night from 9pm to 11pm. And despite being in notoriously frigid New Hampshire, no disgruntled snowmen will be grilling the candidates - à la the infamous YouTube/CNN debate. MSNBC has called in the big guns of political journalism to referee the bout: Tim Russert, the moderator of NBC's Sunday morning staple Meet the Press. Suck on that, Anderson Cooper.

After the jump: The awful truth about Dennis Kucinich.

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• Dartmouth: Debate Fever!
• Brown: "$160,000 so as to end up flaccid, immobile, alone on the carpet of a dorm room, shirtless, wheezing, intellectually menopausal, cutting lines on an iBook with a pre-paid Discover card, watching consecutive hours of user-generated porn."
• Harvard: Romney bashes his alma mater. Other things Romney bashes that he used to like: abortion, health care, Massachusetts.
• Columbia: Still all Ahmadinejad, all the time.
• Princeton: We've got billionaires!
• Yale: New Haven: the new Philadelphia.
• Penn: Student murder trial!!!
• Cornell: No more suicides, please.

Sighted: Beauty & the Geek star Joshua Green at Princeton University's D-Bar ("Debasement Bar," in de basement of de graduate college here, remember? B&G brought their camera crew there to recruit last year). The 5'5" Joshua wore yellow shirt unbuttoned at the neck, damp black chest hair mussed across his pallid chest. His dance-move of choice is a lateral jumping movement paired with upraised arms and pumping fists.

I cornered Joshua and demanded an impromptu photo shoot (more pictures after jump). Sadly, the CW keeps its reality slaves on a strict gag order; I failed to get any details juicier than those his stock-quote-chocked Daily Princetonian profile. Penn '06 Will Frank got some press, too, in the Daily Pennsylvanian. Where is he these days, anyway? Anybody have sightings?

But enough rumormill foreplay. Let's get down and dirty with this week's episode, after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Ed: No, but seriously, enough with this schlemiel. To conclude our coverage of Ahmadinejad's visit to Columbia, here's Columbia miscreant J.D. Porter again with a roundup of the reactions in the news and on campus. Hopefully Lee Bollinger won't take offense at one of J.D.'s statements and yell at him, but that's his problem.

Of all the media covering the Ahmadinejad speech, Fox News was the most impressive. After a week decrying Columbia as maniacal liberals supporting a dictator, a weaker network might not have known how to report on an orderly hour spent ridiculing him. In classic form, however, Fox simply elected to report on their own fictional version of the event.

More of J.D.'s trenchant commentary and edgy photography after the jump.

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What's the deal, Danish Commenters?

First, a disclaimer: we love inquisitive Europeans. A bemused Danish correspondent, whose real name - no, we're not joking - is Claus Christensen, has written in:

"Here in Denmark we read about the case in newspapers - and then we laugh! Come on - why turn this into a headline-scandal?? Alright, had he distributed the recorded sex - then that would be an offense. But turning on the webcam, sharing it with a couple of friends - that's just plain stupid."

The consensus in Denmark: no porn distribution via the internets, no foul. Interesting, though we're not sure we agree.

After the jump: we unreservedly endorse Claus' brilliant suggestion.

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• Brown: Buddy's back
• Harvard: Lucy's back.
• Columbia: All Ahmadinejad, all the time
• Princeton: Does this newspaper have any editorial standards at all, or do they just print whatever they find on library computers?
• Yale: "Yale no longer symbolizes merit but privilege."
• Penn: "Call me closed-minded, but somehow I can't come to terms with the idea of institutionalized spooning."
• Cornell: "So take a minute and ask seven simple words: Do you want to have sexual intercourse? Wait for an explicit response, and respect that response."

From the Cornell op/ed:

P.S. A personal note to Rob Fishman '08 - I stand proud with your other "Sex-Crazed Sunnettes" in discussing issues of this nature which need to be discussed; issues which I don't see you, or the male columnists, bringing up of your own accord, but rather sporadically criticizing without foundation.

Anyone know what this is about? Some kind of cross-column fight?

IvyGate dispatched Fernanda Diaz, Columbia undergrad, former Spec columnist, and current deputy opinion editor, to follow in the illustrious footsteps of J.D. Porter. Her report of Ahmadinehad's rambling speech -- from within the belly of the beast -- is below. See also the award-winning (in our heads, at least) coverage at Bwog and the Spec's Ahmadineblog. Well done to you both, kind sirs.

Maybe it was the presence of Secret Service agents roaming the aisles, or the baffling smirk on President Ahmadinejad's face as he listened to President Bollinger recount his achievements in human rights abuse and Holocaust-denying, or maybe it was just the fact that we all wanted to seem cool and over it before it even began, but today's Ahmadinejad-at-Columbia extravaganza was nowhere near as tense, shocking, nor revolting as it was supposed to have been. For the most part, it was actually pretty hilarious.

Structured like the Ivy League version of a boxing match, in which Columbia President Lee Bollinger, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and SIPA Dean John Coatsworth were given an allotted time to throw their punches before a bell literally rang and allowed the other to fight back, the culmination of the whole affair was entertainingly unreal.

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