Columbia ’11s Suck at Fun

Columbia '11s Suck at FunIvyGate paid close attention to the Columbia Class of 2011 this summer. Some claimed to party hard, others waxed robotic and one was *allegedly* a Kazakhstani target of a consultant’s mindfucking. None, we assume, had actually met each other until the last week. As the Columbia Spectator‘s Josh Hirschland reports from in the field, our high expectations for this bunch were unwarranted. The Columbia Class of 2011 is neither chic, nerdy or nerdy-chic. They’re just freshmen.

Hirschland oversaw a group of freshmen during Columbia’s New Student Orientation Program (NSOP). He dreaded that they’d live up to their Facebook rep–”as annoyingly too-cool as past years’ classes, but their collective haughtiness would be better organized.” IvyGate salivated at the the possibility.

The “annoying” manifested itself all too quickly:

On Tuesday, students neglected to forfeit their seats on a crosstown bus to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to elderly New Yorkers who were trying to get home. And yes, they walked five abreast on the sidewalk, blocking anybody on their path.

Take that, you old fucks. But after solidifying the Ivy League freshman’s reputation as the worst thing to happen to a community, the ’11s suckified and spent the week eating ice cream:

At the big party on Ellis Island, people not only showed up but kept grousing to a minimum despite long lines and being stranded in New York Harbor. Even at CU: Take One-neé The BlaZe and formerly CUnity-orientation leaders had to restrain their groups-afterwards, my group ate ice cream on Low Steps. …More people attended a free ice cream event put on by Hillel than the biggest party of the week held in a first-year residence hall.

Harumph. What about sex? Did anyone have sex? People must have hooked up after the first-year mixer:

At the last formal event of the week, students dressed to the nines in suits, dresses, and fedoras–

“Fedoras” means a) no one reached second base all week b) it’s time we never read another word about the Columbia ’11s. What a disappointing batch of potential fuckwiths. Could someone please destroy Facebook groups now?

  • z

    Did you /really/ expect anything more out of Columbia? This article is old news.

  • z

    Did you /really/ expect anything more out of Columbia? This article is old news.

  • a

    i don’t know where you go to school, z, but you can suck my (and Columbia’s) dick.

  • a

    i don’t know where you go to school, z, but you can suck my (and Columbia’s) dick.

  • Is It Just Me

    Or does this article lack any real, credible news? It’s based on observations from one upperclassman, and an annoying one at that.

    I hate CU 2011 as much as anyone being a crotchety senior, but can we get some legitimate criticism to fuel the fire?

  • Is It Just Me

    Or does this article lack any real, credible news? It’s based on observations from one upperclassman, and an annoying one at that.

    I hate CU 2011 as much as anyone being a crotchety senior, but can we get some legitimate criticism to fuel the fire?

  • anyone

    who knows josh hirschland will understand that his criticism of anything and anyone should be taken with a grain of salt.

  • anyone

    who knows josh hirschland will understand that his criticism of anything and anyone should be taken with a grain of salt.

  • ohmygod

    josh hirschland is such a tool

  • ohmygod

    josh hirschland is such a tool

  • Columbia ’10

    while josh hirschland is a MAJOR tool, and I can piture him saying all those quotes… he’s kind of right. the class of 2011 was unbelievably unethusiastic, boring and lame. I honestly tried, I was an orientation leader as well. And overhearing their conversations I’d say a considerable amount was about how they were the most selective year out of all schools. That just means that basically only the nerds/narks and those few recruited athletes (at least there’s still some stupid left!) compose 2011. Congrats you guys are bland!!

  • Columbia ’10

    while josh hirschland is a MAJOR tool, and I can piture him saying all those quotes… he’s kind of right. the class of 2011 was unbelievably unethusiastic, boring and lame. I honestly tried, I was an orientation leader as well. And overhearing their conversations I’d say a considerable amount was about how they were the most selective year out of all schools. That just means that basically only the nerds/narks and those few recruited athletes (at least there’s still some stupid left!) compose 2011. Congrats you guys are bland!!

  • Columbia ’09er

    Columbia athletes aren’t stupid. And fuck you for assuming such things.

  • Columbia ’09er

    Columbia athletes aren’t stupid. And fuck you for assuming such things.

  • columbia ’08

    This is a pretty lame article about something totally meaningless. Is Jim feeling a little intimidated by Columbia? Columbia’s full of controversy, but this really seems to be digging.

    The article was actually largely about how students linking up before college over Facebook has altered the dynamics of the class, and was rather positive.

    He begins the article by writing:
    “Finally, a year of students who followed each other on Facebook through the entire admissions process and came out a super-bonded amalgamation of prefrosh.”

    And ends the article:
    “One thing is for sure: if the energy on display this week is any indication, these guys should be fun to watch.”

    I know you guys are new, but stick to posting articles worth reading.

  • columbia ’08

    This is a pretty lame article about something totally meaningless. Is Jim feeling a little intimidated by Columbia? Columbia’s full of controversy, but this really seems to be digging.

    The article was actually largely about how students linking up before college over Facebook has altered the dynamics of the class, and was rather positive.

    He begins the article by writing:
    “Finally, a year of students who followed each other on Facebook through the entire admissions process and came out a super-bonded amalgamation of prefrosh.”

    And ends the article:
    “One thing is for sure: if the energy on display this week is any indication, these guys should be fun to watch.”

    I know you guys are new, but stick to posting articles worth reading.

  • columbia ’08

    This is a pretty lame article about something totally meaningless. Is Jim feeling a little intimidated by Columbia? Columbia’s full of controversy, but this really seems to be digging.

    The article was actually largely about how students linking up before college over Facebook has altered the dynamics of the class, and was rather positive.

    Hirschland begins the article by writing:
    “Finally, a year of students who followed each other on Facebook through the entire admissions process and came out a super-bonded amalgamation of prefrosh.”

    And ends the article:
    “One thing is for sure: if the energy on display this week is any indication, these guys should be fun to watch.”

    I know you guys are new, but stick to posting articles worth reading.

  • columbia ’08

    This is a pretty lame article about something totally meaningless. Is Jim feeling a little intimidated by Columbia? Columbia’s full of controversy, but this really seems to be digging.

    The article was actually largely about how students linking up before college over Facebook has altered the dynamics of the class, and was rather positive.

    Hirschland begins the article by writing:
    “Finally, a year of students who followed each other on Facebook through the entire admissions process and came out a super-bonded amalgamation of prefrosh.”

    And ends the article:
    “One thing is for sure: if the energy on display this week is any indication, these guys should be fun to watch.”

    I know you guys are new, but stick to posting articles worth reading.

  • i know

    that everyone’s entitled to their opinions, but SERIOUSLY guys…if you don’t like the articles they post up here, then you DON’T HAVE TO READ THEM. end of story. cut the editors some slack already!

  • i know

    that everyone’s entitled to their opinions, but SERIOUSLY guys…if you don’t like the articles they post up here, then you DON’T HAVE TO READ THEM. end of story. cut the editors some slack already!

  • heh

    Why is it that “a” and other Columbians are so defensive lately? Is Columbia feeling the heat from NYU? Competing with Rutgers? Or just wooing more insecure undergrads?

  • heh

    Why is it that “a” and other Columbians are so defensive lately? Is Columbia feeling the heat from NYU? Competing with Rutgers? Or just wooing more insecure undergrads?

  • wirc

    Josh Hirschland is such worthless Spec garbage.

    The freshmen are yes, too-cool, pampered, naïve, and overeager. But some don’t suck because their parents raised them right.

  • wirc

    Josh Hirschland is such worthless Spec garbage.

    The freshmen are yes, too-cool, pampered, naïve, and overeager. But some don’t suck because their parents raised them right.

  • keggy

    SERIOUSLY, Columbia is gay all together!!! DARTMOUTH KICKS ASS!!!!! always has always will!!! its all good there is still hope for all the tools from columbia!!! GO DARTMOUTH!!

  • keggy

    SERIOUSLY, Columbia is gay all together!!! DARTMOUTH KICKS ASS!!!!! always has always will!!! its all good there is still hope for all the tools from columbia!!! GO DARTMOUTH!!