A Glimpse Into Your Future
According to statistics I just made up, but which are probably true, almost %65 of Ivy League graduates go on to work in the financial services industry. At many Ivies September and October degenerate into grim rituals of greed and acquisition on behalf of both students and recruiters. Here are some unintenionally hilarious recruiting materials I found on the floor in Princeton's library.
After the jump -- "12:00 p.m. Lunch with a referral at her private club. She's wearing a velvet headband and pearls. I gear myself up for a very polite tutorial."
Here is the rest of the day for a salesperson:
But surely it's not all lame conversation with lame people who are "more than friends" (i.e., you can make money from them) at lame wine-bars in lame Midtown, right? Not if you become something called a "private banker."
The rest of the day:
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September 26th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
I thought the sheet was a joke until I read the caption a few more times…
September 26th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
I thought the sheet was a joke until I read the caption a few more times…
September 26th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Dammit, Hal, I used this for verbatim! You’re scooping your own newspaper.
September 27th, 2007 at 11:12 am
It’s no joke. This is why the “three year analyst” programs are not what they’re cracked up to be. You work like an obsequious dog for a few years, then the bank says “Here’s a rec, go get an MBA to further mark yourself as a following sheep”.
“Collect market data and information for traders”? “Take a brisk walk around the trading floor”? Pathetic. You might as well add “Stop in bathroom to examine stretch marks around lips.”
Anyone with half a clue looks at more than just who comes to campus, gets a job at a small trading/M&A/PE shop, and (in a few years, if they want) can move to a big bank and have their own flock of wanna-bes for footservants.
For seeking out the unimaginative, risk-averse, unquestioning, and hard working followers… the big banks truly do have it down to a science.
September 28th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
yes, because the mark of being imaginative and questioning is getting a job at a small financial institution, which, when you really think about it, is still nothing but a middle man, a parasite sucking the tit of society dry, but managing to feel like a big shot simply because he or she gets paid well. Why not do something that actually contributes to society? And no, I’m not a hipster, a trustafarian, or any other label you care to stick on me.
September 28th, 2007 at 8:43 pm
of you make the world a better place. please don’t espouse to
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:38 am
I do make the world a better place. I give shelter to the homeless, feed the hungry, and am kind to animals. I support local farms, have an African child I support, and compost my waste. I use less, walk and cycle everywhere and eat meat grown in a sustainable fashion, because I recognize that doing so contributes beneficially to our planetary ecosystem. When something I own wears out, I sew my own clothes (except for socks, I haven’t mastered socks), from ecofriendly materials, made in fair-trade factories (domestically when I can get it), I eschew plastic bags because they’re choking the world’s oceans, and in my spare time I teach recent immigrants to the country how to speak and read English. For free. Why? Because, I kind of rock.
October 2nd, 2007 at 1:03 pm
is a medal. I will even polish it for you.
October 3rd, 2007 at 11:38 am
Mind covering for me, ‘LF is a fool’? Too busy to save the world.