In our continuing coverage of the Class of 2011′s alcohol-fueled escapades – (don’t worry Antonio; you’re in good company), we bring you an entire genre of weirdness: the 2011 facebook party groups.

Across the Ivy League, these remarkably similar groups of self-proclaimed alcoholics are proliferating. They feature a whole lot of back-and-forth about what kinds of parties to throw, what kind of drinks are totally bomb, and how to obtain fake ID’s – or, as Penn kids prefer to call them, “counterfeit documents.”

Many of these children seem like douchebags; others are just clueless. But watching them interact is utterly fascinating. They are learning, people. And that’s what college is all about. Though we do wish they’d take some time out of Drinking 101 and learn to spell.

After the jump: Why the Class of 2011 is the Best Class Yet

If the wall postings of “Screw the U – Columbia ’11 works hard but parties harder!!” are any indication, ’11 may prove the lamest class in Columbia’s history. Eschewing beer for Smirnoff Ice, vodka for Smirnoff Ice, whiskey for Smirnoff Ice, and more generally, fun for Smirnoff Ice, these intrepid  even-day warriors definitely know how to get the party started. Sometimes – and this is when they’re being a wee bit crazy – we hear they drink Mike’s Hard!

Some Columbia responses to a “favorite drink” query:

Smirnoff Ice or Chocolate Martini. Yes, I know those are chick drinks, but I don’t care. They’re delicious.

smirnoff ice is really good, but if I drink them too fast the carbonation in them really gets me.

Yuck, I simply detest beer!

This group also features weird foreigners who drink weird foreign things and are magnanimously willing to teach their weird foreign ways to silly and backward Americans:

all the girls in my class absolutely hate beer… apparently they find it disgusting to drink cos it’s got a pretty strong taste… I’m willing to teach u the art of beer drinking tough, ;)

Yea, none of r girls likes beer either…. they say it tastes like shit, but I dunno, I guess here in Ger u just get indoctrinated into liking beer, haha… and also it’s the “official” drink of the Oktoberfest

A good mojito is actually very complicated to make because of the ingredients involved, and the mint leaves in particular… However, I do hear that they make the BEST mojito’s at the bar of the Intercontinental Hotel, which we should definetely try, if we can get in…

And where would we be without the one-time-at-band-camp entry?

I love Vodka Redbull. One time though, when I was out with my bf in Canada and I was feeling really tired, I ordered one in hopes of getting a surge of energy, and I never did! Haha. I was sadddd.

Continuing in the “work hard / party hard” vein (will this phrase ever go away? Every time it’s uttered we swear another angel loses its wings) members of Penn’s 2011 party group, the onomatopoeic “Penn Partiers,” think they’re pretty awesome:

“Welcome to the “Social Ivy,” where kids work hard, get good grades, move ahead in life, but do not fail to have fun in their spare time. We got this far because we know how to balance life. If you’re in this group, you pledge to let others know when and where the party’s going down…because thats just plain humanitarianism. If you don’t like to party…then…well…I don’t really know what you are doing here.

Penn’s Class of 2011 is in fact so smart and so tool-ish that they have devised a code that we are still struggling to decipher:

something has been brought to my attention0: the necessity for all of us to acquire… counterfeit documents? can’t think of a code for this. you guys know what i mean, documents that will allow us to get the apple juice.

YEAH counterfeit documents!! i need one sooooo bad!!!

haha don’t make fun of counterfeit documents, i tried ok! i came up with apple juice and pixie sticks, that has caught on pretty well haha

duuuude, you so didn’t make up apple juice… i’ll give you pixie sticks, that’s a good one, but apple juice has been around for a LOOOONG time… we gotta think of something better than “counterfeit documents” though…

We definitely need a wholllle lotta apple juice for the first week to get everyone acclamated. Nothing better for meeting new people than…apple juice. ;)

all i have to say is it’s nice to have a “friend” in the florida dmv… conterfeit docs are widely available

Of course, not all ’11ers are so circumspect when it comes to describing their preferred means of inebriation. Princeton students – Antonio Villaraigosa’s Jr. fellow travelers – could give a shit what the world thinks of them:

Just returned from the graduation party. Hooked up with some I’d never met before, drank half a forty of vodka (albeit raspberry flavored), some beers, had a Romeo and Juliet, and generally had a good time. Had beer poured on me as well.

basically my parents dont even know i exist bc i am out so much.

Wooow…you better cool down there brother…you’re messing with the Tigers here…don’t make us go all the way to California to kick your un-ivy league ass.

Of course, at its best, Harvard can even out-douche Princeton. Here’s from a Harvard girl who just had to post on the Princeton wall:

Harvard is widely recognized as top dog. While I don’t hold anything personal against any of you, it’s fun to acknowledge the reality that Harvard parties dominate any of your “get togethers.” Now…since it’s a Saturday night, go drink your martinis and eat your caviar while I go to an actual party. = )

However, her fellow students, even members of the “I’m goin to harvard but I’m still tryin to party like a rockstar!” group, aren’t quite so enthusiastic. They are instead plagued by an endearingly nerdy self-doubt:

so im going there in the fall, but word on the street is that harvard has lame parties. please, in the name of all that is good and sacred, let that not be the truth.

baaahah. seriously, i’m happy that this group exists, but uh… i’m the 11th member… things are lookin kinda grim.

Dartmouth freshmen – whom we had assumed to be alcoholics in utero- are surprisingly clueless. Some seem to believe that you actually need to be 21 to buy booze:

anyone know if there are any parties during orientation? i mean, it might be a stretch since none of the of-age students will be there yet to get the stuff, but it would be a great way to meet people. not to mention just awesome in general ;)

They are also real downers:

if you get caught before you matriculate, you are fucked. but im sure we’ll be able to find something to do…

Meanwhile, Cornell’s glorious Class of 2011 is plagued by the age-old question: “What makes a party fun?” Apparently, alcohol can do the trick:

welllll, theres a lot of things. I have been to parties that are clean and fun and “unclean” and fun. But to be honest, i think “unclean” parties are better. Alcohol can make most things better.

Of course, it’s always good to have some sluts around:

Booty dancing music…i don’t know about the rest of you…but I like my booty jams when I’m in my half drunken state and wanna act slutty and show my moves on some random person’s crotch. FREE DRINKS..preferably a bartender who can mix shit that tastes good. If a party only has beer, that’s low-class. Seriously, this chick needs to have some good tasting shots and some nice cocktails. Cigs for those who wanna smoke when they’re drunk..or for those who wanna smoke just to look cool. Did I mention ME?

Welcome to college, children. There’s just so much learning left to do!

–JACOB SAVAGE