When we got wind of this item, we knew right away that like Young Simba, we weren’t up to the task. So we called in an expert: bona fide girl Anna Lindow, Columbia ’08.

As if the triumphant return of Hansonbop wasn’t enough, more ’90s tween idols lurk in the darkness of the Ivy League. Specifically: after a recent stint at Harvard, a wizened incarnation of Jonathan Taylor Thomas has been found roaming Barnard’s campus at Columbia. The former hottie/star of such classics as “Man of The House” (the one featuring Chevy Chase/inappropriate Native American references) and “The Lion King,” JTT is now a rheumatic 26 years old, and he seems to have dropped his stage name. Passing by Barnard Hall on a Monday or Wednesday afternoon, you may catch a glimpse of “Jonathan Taylor Weiss,” or, as we like to call him, The Ghost of Home Improvements Past.

If, like me, you thought Randy Taylor’s mushroom cut was the pinnacle of prepubescent eroticism (sigh), used back issues of Tiger Beat as locker wallpaper (you’re not alone), and are still waiting for him to write back to your nine-page mash notes — there’s still hope! Apparently everyone’s favorite flannel-shirt-wearing troublemaker never learned the wonders of the internet and has failed to remove himself from Columbia’s public directory. Or maybe he simply didn’t do the math — us Tiger Beat diehards are now just about the age to be in college. At Columbia. Stalking Tom Sawyer — I mean, Jonathan Taylor Weiss. Send e-fanmail to jtw2112@columbia.edu.