Taking the Naked Party Outside

Nice Tevas

“Hey, what are you doing the weekend of May 5? Finals, huh? Well listen, a bunch of my buddies and I were gonna take that weekend to kick back, de-stress, you know, just hang out. Like, in nature. Where is it? Oh, it’s just this resort I know. It’s on a lake. Fishing, tennis, ping-pong, that sort of thing. Oh, and you can totally pack light…”

If you find yourself in a conversation like this in the next few weeks, take our advice and run.

It just so happens that Saturday, May 5 is New England Intercollegiate Nudist Day (NSFW). Imagine everything you’d do at summer camp — swimming, tennis, ping-pong, air-hockey, boating, volleyball — then add bare humanity, and you have a pretty good idea of what to expect. They’ve apparently invited “college nudists” from 23 schools, including Yale (natch), Brown (natcher), and Harvard (not natch at all). The price is right, too: only $10 for a full day at their 400-acre Woodstock, Conn., compound. (The fact that they normally give out 50% discounts to anyone under 40 is a pretty good indication of their regular clientele, not to mention mister’s wrinkled ass above.)

Hosting the event is the Solair Recreation League (NSFW either), a misleadingly named group whose members, judging from a cautious glance at the photos on its web site, spend most of their time marinating in hot tubs, standing beneath waterfalls, or playing racquet sports in nothing but their Tevas.

So is the nudist retreat heir to the naked party? Doubtful. For one thing, there’s no alcohol allowed. Call us skeptical, but we’re pretty sure the only reason naked parties work is the abundance of booze. Without that social lubricant, you’d have kids getting evac’ed for hyperventilation. Then there’s the fact that, as Seinfeld said, there’s good naked and there’s bad naked. Instead of the low mood lighting of a college dorm, you’ve got the harsh, unforgiving rays of day. Add the volleyball factor and you’re likely to witness things you can’t unsee. (That said, we’ll gladly print any dispatches the brave few are willing to share.)

  • Sean Bateman

    game on

  • Sean Bateman

    game on

  • christianarchisti

    Why don’t you dissociative pussies go join the military. Ivy league cowards you are, obsessed with nudity and the least likely to get laid. Oh my GOD you are disgusting slime just like your daddies, it’s what you do best. The soon to be non existent plutocratic fascist naziesque orwellian roveianlly infanticidal americans at the ivy gate blog, woo hoo you are such cia cowards and pussies. The cia has been watching me disrobe for years. I am public enemy number one. Your pussy government and corporations have spent tens of millions of dollars minimum in a rather unimpressive game of psychological terror and character assassination. I am amazed that your media can be traded independantly on any stock market; america is at war, there is no freedom of the press. Just look at how many of my comments you wannabe’s at the cia’s ivy gate and other blogs have deleted and how many you have highlighted. I bet you love the cia television Christian ministry’s. May you slimy little minded satan worshipping americans burn in hell eternally. Your cia has taught me very well over seven years of intensive training and now I’m going to take it out on america. The truth is a wonderful weapon of choice, mine to use and yours to perish by. bye bye jagoffs.

  • christianarchisti

    Why don’t you dissociative pussies go join the military. Ivy league cowards you are, obsessed with nudity and the least likely to get laid. Oh my GOD you are disgusting slime just like your daddies, it’s what you do best. The soon to be non existent plutocratic fascist naziesque orwellian roveianlly infanticidal americans at the ivy gate blog, woo hoo you are such cia cowards and pussies. The cia has been watching me disrobe for years. I am public enemy number one. Your pussy government and corporations have spent tens of millions of dollars minimum in a rather unimpressive game of psychological terror and character assassination. I am amazed that your media can be traded independantly on any stock market; america is at war, there is no freedom of the press. Just look at how many of my comments you wannabe’s at the cia’s ivy gate and other blogs have deleted and how many you have highlighted. I bet you love the cia television Christian ministry’s. May you slimy little minded satan worshipping americans burn in hell eternally. Your cia has taught me very well over seven years of intensive training and now I’m going to take it out on america. The truth is a wonderful weapon of choice, mine to use and yours to perish by. bye bye jagoffs.

  • Ummm…

    Can someone say schizophrenia?

  • Ummm…

    Can someone say schizophrenia?

  • no, i can’t

    but i can say douchebag

  • no, i can’t

    but i can say douchebag

  • ACM

    Now that’s comedy.

  • ACM

    Now that’s comedy.

  • I can say loser

    What a tool, I hope that was a joke. If it wasn’t, get a life and drop out of Cornell/whatever state school you go to.

  • I can say loser

    What a tool, I hope that was a joke. If it wasn’t, get a life and drop out of Cornell/whatever state school you go to.

  • Survey

    Definitely mentally ill.

  • Survey

    Definitely mentally ill.

  • Columbia 08

    It’s got to be a joke. Somebody that angry likely wouldn’t bother.

  • Columbia 08

    It’s got to be a joke. Somebody that angry likely wouldn’t bother.

  • Dude

    Way to end your threat in a preposition, guy.

  • Dude

    Way to end your threat in a preposition, guy.

  • Ummm Dude

    “Yours by which to perish” doesn’t exactly scream “threatening,” though, does it?

  • Ummm Dude

    “Yours by which to perish” doesn’t exactly scream “threatening,” though, does it?

  • yeah dude

    Yeah dude, but ” by which you shall perish” sure the shit does. I’m shaking in me boots.

  • yeah dude

    Yeah dude, but ” by which you shall perish” sure the shit does. I’m shaking in me boots.

  • Yale

    oh my god I just laughed for like 3 minutes…that comment was better than any article…I love the crazies

  • Yale

    oh my god I just laughed for like 3 minutes…that comment was better than any article…I love the crazies

  • peter popkins

    is washington university the ivy

  • peter popkins

    is washington university the ivy